A mixup during a pregnancy test has inflationary results.
"I'll get it!" Vicki called as she bounced past Laura, who was flopped on the couch, dejectedly eating microwave popcorn. Laura shrugged and kept watching late afternoon soaps.
Vicki turned from the door for a moment and yelled, "Laura! It's for you!" Her black ponytails bobbed.
Laura winced and muttered, "I'm right here, not in the next state...." Her roomate was usually a tremendously good friend and great person to be with. Usually, Laura added for emphasis.
Vicki flounced back to the bedroom. Laura groaned as she staggered to the door. She reached up to bundle her cool bolnde hair with slender arms in a half-hearted attempt to make her look presentable.
The man standing on the doorway with a huge pearly grin was maybe even more off the scale and unbearable than Laura.
"Goodyear!" He beamed. His wall of shining white teeth could not have come from Earth, Laura thought to herself.
"Yes?" she asked, scratching her flat tummy.
"Goodyear, Miss! The Home Pregnancy Test you ordered!" He was wearing a very strange-looking space age jumpsuit, dual tone, that was gathered at his waist, wrists and ankles. "GoodYear" was emblazoned vertically down the right side.
"Um..." Laura said, hesitating. A look of annoyance crossed her face as she turned toward the back room where Vicki was. Then the annoyance gave way to a worried look, and she shrugged. "Well, OK. Bring it in here. Do I have to sign for it?"
He stepped inside and took in the room in a quick glance. "Yes, sign here and here." He held out a clipboard. "I'll administer the test here."
"Administer.... ?"
He whipped out a wallet from somewhere, and an accordian of offical credentials flopped open. "I am highly qualified in this field, and have been conducting these tests for twelve years now. If you're nervous, you can contact my office at...."
"No," said Laura, recognizing his paperwork as legitimate, "that's OK. Where do you want to do it?"
"We'll do it on the couch," he said, decisevely. "No worries, the procedure is completely clean." He turned and leaned out the door. "All right! Bring the gear in here and lets get started."
Laura, flopping down on the couch, opened her mouth to ask a question when two women burst into the room. They both wore curious-looking unitards similar to the man's, but tighter fitting. They were hauling what looked suspiciously like a huge helium tank between them.
Again Laura's mouth popped open again. "Is that... ?"
"No," the man said. He chuckled. "It's just sort of an inside company joke about the company's past. It actually holds the medical equipment we'll use." His grin broadened. "When we want to transport helium, we carry it in an intensely concentrated room-temperature solution. Much less bulky and easy to handle. The only danger is... it looks like beer, so don't drink it!" He laughed heartily at his own joke.
Laura shot the floor a smirk, muttering, "Oh, my."
"All right!" The man clapped his hands. "These are my assistants Tammi and Jeri. In fact, they are students at the University, just like yourself. And, anticipating your next question, yes, we are accepting applications."
Larua shook her head, "I wasn't going...."
"Now, I will have to ask you to lie back and remove your pants. You may leave your top on. If you would be more comfortable with Tammi or Jeri assisting you with this part, I am only required to run the machine."
Laura shrugged off her sweat pants. "No, that's OK." She lay back on the couch and put her hands behind her head."
Jeri approached her with two pills and a paper cup of water. Laura took it and said, "Thanks." She gulped them down and lay back again.
Jeri said, "This should be a happy event. Why are you so sad?"
Laura sighed. "I just broke up with my creep boyfriend. The cheating loser. Then I missed my second period, and... well, I just hope...."
Jeri smiled and patted her shoulder. "I'm sure it will be fine."
The man came forward with what looked like a silver truncheon with a strangely shaped handguard. Three colored tubes came out the back side and ran to a helium tank shaped equipment. He said, "Just lie back, please."
Laura's eyes widened. She looked up at the ceiling. "Is it... cold?" She gasped. Then, answering her own question she said, "No."
The man stood back up. "OK. Feel alright?"
"Oh yes," said Laura. A little too quickly. She blushed. "I mean, it feels fine."
"All right. I will start the instruments." He walked over and adjusted some dials. "Now, I'm going to put a little positive pressure to speed things up." He smiled. "We actually do use Helium. As a halogen, it's a very neutral gas and very safe... blast." He looked up. "Tammi, we're low on helium concentrate. Could you run out and get some more? Also bring one of the little bottles of rubberizing solution."
"Rubberizing solution?" Laura muttered.
"Yes, in case there is some discomfort." He twisted a dial, and Laura felt a warm pressure grow inside her.
"Mmmmmmm," she said.
The man turned. "I'm sorry?"
"Nothing." Laura said.
"If it starts to become uncomfortable, let me know right away." He was all business now, tending the dials like a stern master.
Tammi came bounding into the room. She handed a large jug of helium concentrate to Jeri, who opened it to fill the machine.
The man looked up. "I said a small bottle! That's enough to stretch you into a hot air balloon!" He shook his head.
Tammi looked down at the large jug in her hands. She shrugged and smiled. "Where do you want it?"
The man looked up. "Put it over... look out!"
Vicki came bounding into the room in her bike shorts and a white t-shirt. She crashed into Tammi, and instantly the top flew off the bottle, sloshing them both with the solution. Tammi set the half-empty bottle down. The two women stood, their fronts soaked with the solution, dripping on the carpet.
The man stood. "Oh no! Well, go wash it off before it soaks in!" He shook his head.
Vicki said, "I've got some towels...." and the two women went off into the back. A moment later there came the sound of running water.
Laura moaned, "What about the carpet?" She licked a bead of sweat off her upper lip.
The man smiled. "Don't worry about that. That section of carpet will probably be the cleanest and most resilient in the house." He smiled again. "Don't worry, I won't charge you." He winked at her.
Laura was thinking that he actually did have a really nice smile. And he kept his hair nice. "Ooooooo...K." she said. She stopped herself from wiggling her hips.
Vicki came back in the room. She was wearing a fresh set of bike shorts and a clean white t-shirt. She stepped around the bottle of rubberizing solution, then spotting the helium concentrate, said, "I'd better put that somewhere where it won't spill." She hefted it and took it into the kitchen.
Tammi came in the room. The man said, "Could you apply a SMALL amount of rubberizing solution to her tummy and vagina to prevent discomfort. And I do mean a small amount."
Tammi frowned, feeling the chastisement. She said, "OK. I understand." She took a q-tip, dipped it in the jug and swabbed a little on Laura's belly, and then between her legs where the device was inserted.
After a moment, the tension Laura was feeling gave way to a warm pleasantness. She rolled her eyes back and clenched her teeth.
Tammi misunderstood, and went to get her another pill. "Here, this will make it feel better." Laura's eyes widened. A rush of blood went to her belly, and she could feel it swell a little. Tammi put the pill in Laura's mouth, then gave her a paper cup of water.
Vicki came back in the room with a huge bag of carrot sticks. "Anybody hungry?" She asked. Everyone shook their heads, she Vicki shrugged and flopped down in an easy chair to watch TV.
The man stood and discretely cleared his throat. "Tammi, could I speak with you for a moment?"
Tammi, now her carefree expression beginning to look troubled stood and walked over to him. He took her to the door and they stepped outside.
The machine attached to Laura was humming merrily, and seemed to increase in pitch a little. Laura was humming merrily too. She felt as if the pressure were building, but in a soft, resiliant way, not in an uncomfortable way. Her belly felt very soft and swollen, and she wanted to touch it, but couldn't because she was afraid she might..... She melted back into the couch.
Vicki walked past her, munching the last carrot stick. "You're all puffed up," she said, and poked Laura's belly. She walked on into the kitchen, and Laura's legs started twitching and jerking. She clutched the couch with both hands.
Jeri walked over and asked, "Everything OK?" She wiped a wet strand of hair from Laura's forehead. "Don't worry, the procedure doesn't last much longer."
Laura nodded and smiled bravely.
Tammi came back into the house looking like she was about ready to cry. The man came in behind her muttering something about, "...must remember to wash your hands after swabbing or handling..." he suddenly brightened. "Ah! How are we doing? I can see we're just about done. Let me turn down the pressure a little... this knob has been a little loose lately. I tightened it just yesterday." The humming of the machine lowered in pitch slightly.
Vicki came into the room with two armloads of food, and a huge mouthful she was chewing. "Anybody want snacks, help yourself!" she said.
They all watched her as she flopped back down in the easy chair and continued munching. "What?" she asked.
They all shrugged and went back to what they were doing.
The machine pinged, and the man brightened. "Ah!" he said. "Here we are!" He leaned over and consulted a dial. Then he tapped the glass. A look of consternation came over his face. He looked up apologetically. "Inconclusive. We'll have to repeat the test. I'm very sorry. Is that all right with you?"
Laura nodded hurriedly. "Oh yeah," she said. "I don't have any plans." She blew a wet strand of hair out of her face.
"OK. I'll have to increase the pressure to get a better reading though."
Suddenly Vicki burped loudly. Everyone stopped. "Oh... sorry...." she said. She started in on some reheated pizza they had leftover.
The man smiled. "All right. Tammi, could you get Laura one more pill... and make sure you wash your hands this time."
Tammi hurried to bring Laura the pill. Laura gulped it down.
Vicki dropped several cartons on the ground, and rubbed her tummy. It was clearly getting larger. What's more, her flat chest was surging out above it, streching out her T-shirt. She moaned as she stood. "5:00," she said. "Miller Time." She waddled into the kitchen.
The man started the machine and Laura's eyes popped wide open. She could almost feel him turning the pressure dial as the pressure crept inside her. Her hands drifted to the sides of her belly.....
Vicki called from the kitchen, "Who wants one?"
"I do!" Tammi called back, shooting the man a defiant glare. "It's been a long day."
Vicki came back into the room with two frosty mugs. She handed one to Tammi, and eased herself into the easy chair. Her entire front had surged forward, and her belly button was pushing it's way out from under her T-shirt.
Laura mutted distractedly, "None for me, thanks, Vicki."
The man looked at Vicki thoughtfully. He said, "Hm. I wonder.... Vicki, remove your shorts for a moment."
The man took another truncheon device and hooked it up to the machine. "Don't worry, it can administer up to four tests at once. If I'm right, this shouldn't take long."
Vicki actually cooed as he inserted the device. He asked, "Vicki, are you sexually active?"
Vicki nodded. "But me and my boyfriend are very careful...."
The man smiled. "You know what they call careful lovers, don't you?" Vicki shook her head. The man beamed. "Parents!"
Almost simultaneously, the machine went "BING!"
The man went to the machine, then straightened up. "Congratulations, Vicki! You are going to be the proud mother of... twins! No, triplets! Wonderful news!"
Vicki's eyes were wide as saucers. Her belly responded by groaning loudly and expanding even more.
Jeri, standing quietly in the corner, clapped her hands excitedly. "Oh, that's such good news!" Suddenly she squeaked. She smiled broadly. "And I think I have good news too. Don't bother with the machine... I just felt a kick!"
Everyone clapped. "Wow! That's great Jeri!" said the man. "But I thought you and Roger...."
Jeri said, "Well, I volunteed for fertility drug tests in the medical school. And I think that with all the fumes and chemicals around the shop...." She shrugged and beamed. Then she squeaked. "Oh! There he goes again!"
Tammi, clearly feeling a little left out, raised her mug. "Well congratulations to all of you. Since this is probably my last chance to drink on the job, I'll make this toast to all the happy mothers who got the news today." She chugged the mug, and made a face. Then she reached over and took Vicki's mug. "You shouldn't be drinking this now," she said. She upended the mug, and in a moment it was empty too.
"Blech," she said. "That's the worst beer I've ever tasted. Where do you shop?"
Vicki looked surprized. "But that's the big jug of beer you guys brought.... I put it in the fridge earlier...."
All at once, the man, Jeri and Tammi cried out "Concentrated helium! Oh no!"
[ Author's note: another sitcom-quality shocker, brought to you courtesy of The HappyGuy ]
The man rushed over to Tammi. He felt her unitard. It was damp. "Wait... did you ever wash the rubberizing solution out of...."
Tammi's eyes were huge. "No..." she said. "I thought it was water resistant...."
The man looked concerned. "Then you've been soaking in it all afternoon! And look what it did to Vicki, and she washed herself off right away!"
They all looked at Vicky, sprawled across the comfy chair, her reed thing arms and legs sticking out of a huge, nine-month plus globe of a belly. Her mounds of breasts flopped and sloshed atop them. Her still thin face was having trouble peeking over the massive mounds of flesh. She shrugged, and the T-shirt popped up like a frilly necklace, her enormous mamaries sliding free before her. Rivulets of milk trickled down the rounded sides of her belly and onto the floor.
Suddenly Laura moaned loudly, huffing heavily. The machine made a wet, "Blonk." noise. The man smiled. "Good news! You're not...." His smile faded as he looked at her.
She was enormous. Her belly was a taught globe between her legs. She was rubbing the shiny skin both tenderly and furiously, and her swaying hips ground the probe between her thighs. Her cries became throatier and deeper until....
Jeri cried out. "Oh! Maybe you could hook me up to the machine.... because I think...." She leaned back and stretched out across the dining room table. She gritted, "...I think...." She threw her head back, "...there's more than one!" Her belly swelled instantly, pushing sideways and upwards. Her breasts filled and streched her unitard, then dark circles soaked through as the dams burst in her milky channels. Gasping, she managed to unzip the front of her unitard down to her belly button. Her rounded breasts popped out, spraying milk from her conical nipples.
The man turned to Tammi, and said, "And YOU!" He took a step forward menacingly. She staggered back, two slender arms wrapped around her wasp waist, feeling the cold liquid warming inside her.
The man moved forward. "For YEARS I have been doing this job... always careful... always cheerful... always the complete professional."
She stumbled back into a low table, glancing behind her and finding herself in a corner.
The man ground on, his nostrils flaring, his eyes crazy. "Always studying the chemistry... studying the medicine... honing my skills... playing politics with the company."
Tammi rubbed her tummy. The little spot of icy coolness was disapearing, and when it got above room temperature....
The man held up a finger. "And in ONE afternoon, you manage to SINGLE HANDEDLY...."
Tammi pointed at Jeri, "I didn't cause her!"
The man's breath was shooting out as blasts of steam. "I don't care." He gritted. "I want you."
They embraced as the load in Tammy's belly hit critical mass. The man tore shreds of rubberized unitard off of her, and she pulled the zipper down alongside the company logo of his. He kicked the table aside, grabbed her and lowered her to the floor. As she pressed her mouth desperately against his, a blast of warm gas shot out. He glanced down. Her tummy was swelling fast.
The rest of her unitard flew away in shreds, some from his clutching grasp, some from the pressure that was blowing her up. As their tounges intersected, hot gas flared from her nostrils, spreading a gassy cloud across the floor.
She shifted becase she was becoming so large so rapidly. No tire pump could force this much gas inside her; no gas station air hose could compete. Her belly simply billowed.
He reached to cup her breasts, and they instantly swelled. Huge round, shiny.
He pushed himself inside her; she was wet and more than ready. He gave her once last desperate kiss, then was pushed back, her face eclipsed by the enormous globes of her breasts and belly. Her thin, strong thighs gripped him, and he clutched her hands. Together, they heaved....
...and heaved...
...and heaved...
....and the machine on the other side of the room went, "BING!"