The office had already spent way too much time on the web, and it wasn't even time for lunch yet. Flash. Tower defense. Even that game with the penguin and polar bear. With the branch manager out of town for the weekend, ad revenue from all the popular timewaster sites was seeing an unusual spike thanks to this 50-person operation.
Roy leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes, having crushed his last castle. Stretching, he stood up and poked his head over the cubicle wall.
"Hey, I heard someone in IT brought their Nintendo 64," Roy said to Trey, his cube neighbor. "Want to grab a couple other folks and play some GoldenEye on the projector in the conference room?"
"Are you kidding?" Trey scoffed. "Those nerds have that thing on lockdown right now."
"Damn," Roy cursed. "Well, they'll have to come up for air at some point. Until then I guess I'll just hold things down here." He sank back into his chair, continuing his quest to seek out timewasters that weren't just more of the same. After a few pages of Google results, he came across a rather peculiar-sounding simulation game called Nothing Ventured. Clicking the link, he read the game's description:
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained..."
You are an aspiring business owner looking to become the Next Big Thing. You have secured venture capital; however, due to the slow economy the firm has only awarded you $1,000. You must wisely invest these funds in supplies, manpower, and advertising and set a profitable price point in order to turn a profit. As your net worth achieves certain milestones ($10,000, $100,000, $1 million) you will secure additional venture capital of that amount. Amass a net worth of $10 million to dominate the industry and win the game.
Ah, perfect! A timewaster with a strategic twist, certainly a departure from the monotony he had dealt with so far that day. Starting the game, he was presented with a text box asking for the name of his business. Failing to think of anything clever, Roy copped out and merely entered "Summer's Sweets," the name of his wife's business. "If only it was this easy to really get rich," he mused fancifully.
Clicking a few buttons, he entered the values for the first month of business and clicked "Execute".
Y01 M01: UNIT PRICE $5. $175 SPENT, $75 REVENUE. BALANCE $900
"Losing money already," Roy thought. "Maybe I should spend more on advertising." Roy made the adjustments for his next month and proceeded.
Y01 M02: UNIT PRICE $5. $250 SPENT, $75 REVENUE. BALANCE $825
"No problem," Roy assured himself. "Gotta spend money to make money, right?" Thinking that he could back off on the spending and start relying on brand recognition, Roy began his next month.
Y01 M03: UNIT PRICE $5. $150 SPENT, $150 REVENUE. BALANCE $825
"Yeah! That's more like it. Maybe now I can increase the unit price."
Y01 M04: UNIT PRICE $10. $150 SPENT, $250 REVENUE. BALANCE $925
"Money money money!" Roy cackled in his cubicle. Getting greedy, he backed off on his expenditures and hoped to ride the wave of revenue he was experiencing.
Y01 M05: UNIT PRICE $10. $100 SPENT, $175 REVENUE. BALANCE $1,000
Roy had broken even. He now saw that he couldn't be a cheapskate in this game. What would happen if he incrementally increased his spending across the board every month? He decided to try that out for a few turns.
Y01 M06: UNIT PRICE $10. $375 SPENT, $650 REVENUE. BALANCE $1,275
"Oh yeah," Roy nodded in satisfaction at his computer screen. "Let's keep that up."
Y01 M07: UNIT PRICE $10. $450 SPENT, $850 REVENUE. BALANCE $1,675
"Looking good, looking good." Roy was going to let this continue for a couple more rounds.
Y01 M08: UNIT PRICE $10. $525 SPENT, $1,100 REVENUE. BALANCE $2,250
"One more," Roy said before clicking his mouse.
Y01 M09: UNIT PRICE $10. $600 SPENT, $1,450 REVENUE. BALANCE $3,100
Roy sat back, thinking about how things were going so far. If he kept increasing spending, it looked like his revenue would generally follow the same rate of growth. But he also hadn't increased his unit price at all during that time. Theoretically, he could now steadily increase the price because the market would support such an increase... up to a certain point, at least. He decided to try doing that without increasing spending for a while.
Y01 M10: UNIT PRICE $15. $600 SPENT, $2,700 REVENUE. BALANCE $5,200
"Not a bad result." He had raised the price 50% yet saw almost a 100% increase in profit, which meant more people were still buying his product. He was going to hit the $10,000 checkpoint in no time.
Y01 M11: UNIT PRICE $20. $600 SPENT, $4,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $8,600
Although still making nice gains, the increase in revenue had dropped a little more in line with the increase in price. At some point, the imaginary market would require more supply in order to support such a cost. Going for broke, he jacked up the price one more time just to see what would happen.
Y01 M12: UNIT PRICE $30. $600 SPENT, $2,400 REVENUE. BALANCE $20,400 (W/ BONUS)
That was to be expected. Still spending only $600 a month on production and advertising, Roy was bound to hit a revenue plateau fairly soon, and it was approaching. However, managing his company relatively conservatively for the first year he had increased its net worth twenty fold. With more money to spend, it was time to take some bigger risks.
Y02 M01: UNIT PRICE $30. $10,000 SPENT, $36,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $46,400
"Now THAT'S what I'm talking about," Roy thought while pumping his fist. In only one turn, with no bonus, he had doubled his net worth. If he could keep up this rate of growth, he would win in no time. He considered spending his entire balance every turn, but that seemed almost too risky. If some random element changed, he would be sunk. He decided to keep pace.
Y02 M02: UNIT PRICE $30. $20,000 SPENT, $81,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $207,400 (W/ BONUS)
Roy was amazed at how simple this game really was. All he had to do was increase spending a few times, then increase the price a few times, lather, rinse, repeat, and it would be all over. "Not the coolest game after all," he admitted. Slightly disheartened, he made another few clicks.
Y02M03: UNIT PRICE $45. $75,000 SPENT, $450,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $582,400
It wasn't fun anymore. Roy leaned back in his chair, then stood up from his cubicle and looked around, seeing everyone else still consumed in their own games. He sat back down, considering just closing the browser window and trying to buddy up to the IT folks in the conference room. But how hard would it be to just finish the game?
Y02M04: UNIT PRICE $60. $250,000 SPENT, $900,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $2,482,400 (W/ BONUS)
Roy took a time out to open another browser window and backtrack to the game's main page, determined to write a negative review of the game. "Too easy." "No skill involved at all." With only a rudimentary knowledge of economic concepts he had mastered the game in only a couple of minutes. Angrily banging out his review, he submitted it. Feeling at least a little redemption, he tabbed back over and punched in some more commands.
Y02M05: UNIT PRICE $75. $1,000,000 SPENT, $8,250,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $9,702,400
Roy yawned and looked at his watch. Almost time to take an early lunch. He got up and left his cubicle, surveying the scene around him on his way to the break room for some coffee. He stopped by the conference room; someone had delivered a 24-pack of Mountain Dew to the nerds. "Great," he thought dejectedly, "now they're going to be in there until next week."
Wandering back to his cubicle, Roy plopped into his chair and considered his lunch options. Had to be something cheap, at least until Summer got paid for the wedding cake tomorrow. Damn, what he would kill for one of her sandwiches right about now. Then he had the idea: just go home for lunch and surprise her. Maybe even take the rest of the day off and bang her silly. Before he went, though, as one final middle finger to this damn game, he bet the house.
Y02M06: ERROR: YOU CANNOT SPEND YOUR ENTIRE NET WORTH. BALANCE $9,702,400
"What?!" Roy exclaimed, his patience with the game finally having been used up. It was not even worth winning at this point. "What a waste of time. Fuck this game."
Logging off his computer and collecting his things, he angrily headed for the exit from the building, making a special detour to shoot the bird to the pocket protectors in the conference room on his way out.
--
THAT'S HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS?
Wandering back to his cubicle, Roy plopped into his chair and considered his lunch options. Had to be something cheap, at least until Summer got paid for the wedding cake tomorrow. Damn, what he would kill for one of her sandwiches right about now. Then he had the idea: just go home for lunch and surprise her. Maybe even take the rest of the day off and bang her silly. Before he went, though, as one final middle finger to this damn game, he bet the house.
Y02M06: ERROR: LAWSUIT PENDING, ALL ASSETS FROZEN EXCEPT FOR ORIGINAL BALANCE
"What?!" Roy exclaimed. His balance had gone all the way back to $1,000. "What a waste of time. Fuck this game."
Logging off his computer and collecting his things, he angrily headed for the exit from the building, making a special detour to shoot the bird to the pocket protectors in the conference room on his way out.
--
BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
Wandering back to his cubicle, Roy plopped into his chair and considered his lunch options. Had to be something cheap, at least until Summer got paid for the wedding cake tomorrow. Damn, what he would kill for one of her sandwiches right about now. Then he had the idea: just go home for lunch and surprise her. Maybe even take the rest of the day off and bang her silly. Before he went, though, as one final middle finger to this damn game, he bet the house.
Y02M06: UNIT PRICE $300. $9,702,400 SPENT, $143,600,000 REVENUE. BALANCE $133,897,600 CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE WON THE GAME
"Whoop-de-fucking-doo," Roy deadpanned. "What a waste of time. Fuck this game."
Logging off his computer and collecting his things, he angrily headed for the exit from the building, making a special detour by the conference room. Bursting in the door, he interrupted the computer geeks' precious game of StarFox to share a piece of his mind.
"That game is gay," he shouted, pointing at the projection screen. "This system is being put to waste here. I was hoping to play some real oldschool Golden Gun action, but instead I think I'll just go home and nail my smokin' hot wife after she makes me a sandwich. How do you like that?"
And then the power went off.
MEANWHILE...
Summer wiped her hands on her apron, stood back, and admired her handiwork.
The inverted, multi-tiered, fondant-wrapped cake stood uneventfully on the counter, effortlessly supporting its own weight.
Summer sighed a sigh of accomplishment. It was an unusual cake for sure, and how it supported its own weight was a well-kept secret – one she didn't even share with her husband Roy – but it was some of her best work yet. The bride and groom would surely be happy with it tomorrow, although they wouldn't have the slightest clue about how to start cutting it. That, however, wasn't Summer's problem.
Inspired by increasing demand for creative wedding cakes and a relative lack of creativity in the wedding cake business, Summer hoped that her cake designs would fill a niche and ultimately revolutionize wedding cakes as people knew them. And make Summer's Sweets rich, of course. Obviously, she could still make the standard wedding cake with ease and it would taste better than anyone else's, and she boasted a wide repertoire of other sugary goodies that came out of her kitchen, but she sought notoriety for her unique cakes. That was what truly set her apart.
Satisfied with the upside-down cake, she shuttled it into her large refrigerator for safe keeping until tomorrow. Looking at the clock, and then at the mess in the kitchen, she opted for an early lunch before cleaning up the byproducts of her culinary genius. After a few minutes of puttering in the kitchen, she ended up with a toasted sandwich on a plate.
Summer settled into a breakfast room chair to dine on her sandwich. The fall sunlight shone through the bay windows and made the area rather warm. Holding the sandwich in one hand, Summer manipulated her laptop with the other, reading a couple of e-mails from potential clients and checking the guestbook on her web site. Business was on the upshot for sure, but it still wasn't where she wanted it to be. "Maybe this cake will be the one."
Her sandwich disappeared within a few minutes, and the kitchen loomed. As Summer stood up from the table she thought to herself, "If I ever get rich I'm going to pay somebody to do this part." She started gathering measuring cups and mixing bowls and turned the sink's hot water on. Then she remembered she left her plate on the table and walked over to get it, closing the lid on her laptop in the process. She then placed the laptop on the chair, out of the direct sunlight so that it wouldn't get too hot.
As she opened the dishwasher, she noticed that something felt different. It was her shorts; they were slightly looser than before. Summer felt around her hips and was able to slightly shake the already skinny shorts around her waist, something she hadn't been able to do.
Suddenly the shorts were even looser, and Summer looked to be at around her high school cross country weight. Letting go of the waistband, the size-two shorts slumped down her hips and nearly fell straight off. She also saw her legs, now scrawny, sticking out of the bottom of the shorts. Even her breasts had shriveled slightly. "This doesn't make sense," Summer said aloud, feeling around her waist. Her stomach was actually slightly concave at this point, and without stretching she could easily feel her ribs through her shirt and apron. Catching her reflection in the microwave door, she could even see that her face had slimmed down.
The next moment, however, things didn't feel so loose. Still not "normal" per se, but she could still easily get her thumbs inside the waist of her shorts. "What the hell is going on?" she wondered.
Then, after all that, she felt completely back to normal. Everything fit fine and nothing seemed out of order. Her legs were no longer near-boney and her ribs didn't poke through her chest anymore. Summer put the back of her hand to her forehead, checking to see if she had a fever and could've been imagining the whole thing.
It was then that her stomach bulged out a little, making the shorts tighter than normal this time. Looking down, Summer saw a small mound gently rising out of her midsection. Her hands gravitated to it in disbelief.
The mound of her stomach swelled out even more, now beginning to pull Summer's apron tight around her waist. Now looking decidedly pregnant, she had also noticed her legs had grown a little as well, making the shorts tight on bottom as well.
Summer's belly then bulged even bigger, pushing her shorts down slightly while causing her shirt to ride up inside the apron. She could no longer see her feet.
Summer felt another burst of growth in her stomach, pulling the apron even tighter thanks to the knot tied behind her back. Barely able to reach around her suddenly incredible waistline, Summer felt her belly button poking through the apron. Her legs had grown again, now making the shorts very uncomfortable. Summer's bra now also felt a little tighter as well, and her V-neck t-shirt showed a little more cleavage than she was used to. Still shellshocked by what had happened to her lithe figure, she could only stand there in disbelief.
Without warning, yet another blast of swelling hit, this time putting her belly button out of her own reach as her belly pressed into the edge of the counter top. Now the apron began to ride up as well, sneaking its way up to the very lowest part of her belly's arc. Summer's breasts and legs plumped again, and her butt puffed up slightly as well, making the shorts even more uncomfortable. Her bra was likewise digging into her back and shoulders.
And then it happened again. With each cycle of growth multiple body parts were increasing in size. Summer had to back up a couple steps to keep her belly from touching the counter, and then her now ample butt bumped into the island. Seams were starting to come apart in the shorts. The apron was now revealing generous hints of the sides and bottom of Summer's belly, but Summer could not see it for her breasts and the top of her massive abdomen. Her wider thighs forced her to widen her stance lest they rub together.
Suddenly there was a huge increase in Summer's mass, firmly wedging her between the counter and the island. The simultaneous ballooning of her stomach, legs, and butt all but shredded her shorts, bringing with them at least a little relief from the pain. Summer's breasts also finally exceeded her bra's capacity, wrenching the clasps open and loosening the cups inside her shirt, which had now ridden all the way up to the top of her stomach. The apron fared a little better, revealing over half of the creamy dome of her stomach. She couldn't have reached halfway around her waist if she tried.
Now the swelling spells were coming too fast and too great to really give Summer time to react. Her belly lept outward again, knocking over a stand mixer on the counter and collecting some flour from the counter's surface. Her butt surged in the opposite direction, spreading across the island and mushing into unused cake parts. The growth from her legs was now affecting her hips, increasing their diamater by a couple of feet. Her breasts were still stubbornly contained by the shirt and apron, but likely not for long. More and more of Summer's skin was gradually becoming visible.
"Ugh!" was all Summer could manage at the next explosive round of growth. The apron's ties and shirt's seams finally gave out, allowing her breasts to shed both garments as they blasted outward. But her belly was beginning to encroach on their territory, pushing them up and into the ceiling as it spread across the room. Her hips grew again, spelling the end of her undies. Even her back and arms had suddenly swollen significantly, leaving her little room to move as she began to round out.
The wood cabinets holding up the island and the counter, between which Summer had been trapped, finally splintered from the sprain, collapsing like houses of cards as she blew outward even more. With this latest spurt she occupied the entire kitchen, and the parts of her that didn't break through to the attic spread out to all four walls of the kitchen and breakfast room. Her hips were gone. Her arms and legs were gone. Even her breasts had been erased from her physique as she transformed into a partially-flattened sphere randomly decorated with flour and icing.
Helpless to do anything, and still too confused by the whole thing, Summer absently felt the top of her body rocket through the roof while her belly blew out the back wall of the house. Suddenly she could feel the warmth of the sun across much of her surface as the debris fell away. The rest of her growth sought the path of least resistance, filling up the backyard and knocking down a couple of fences. She ended up nearly five stories tall. Her neck was gone, her tight body swollen up around her face. She couldn't feel her hands or feet, but she could feel the neighbor's playscape near her bikini line. A squirrel had lept from a nearby tree and was frantically darting across her chest.
With another tremendous blast of growth, Summer quickly laid waste to the playscape, the broken shell of her home, and a number of other single-family dwellings on her block. As she spread out wider she also mushroomed towards the sky, towering above the neighborhood and rivaling the height of the transmission towers a couple miles away. In its lust for surface area, Summer's body had now also consumed her head, the contours of her face disappearing as it smoothly blended into her body.
Unable to move but rocking gently in the fall breeze, Summer could only stare up into the sky, wondering how much longer this would go, how much more she could hold, why all this happened in the first place. Everything had happened so fast; in less than five minutes she'd gone from housewife and up-and-coming small business owner to mega-huge female parade float. She thought about calling for help but knew it wouldn't do any good this high up.
Summer kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, sure that any moment she would inflate impossibly larger, just as she had been. Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into more minutes. Maybe, for some unknown reason, that was all that was left. She could hear sirens far below her, as well as lots of tiny hands prodding her base, no doubt trying to find out what in hell this massive thing – what she – was. Would she be stuck this way forever? Where would she live? What would Roy say? Could he learn to love the new her? Would she still be able to have children someday? All questions that begged answering, but most would have to wait. For now, Summer just hoped that someone would realize it was her and that they would point her face out of the damn sunlight.
--
THAT'S HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. BUT WHAT ABOUT THIS?
Unable to move but rocking gently in the fall breeze, Summer could only stare up into the sky, wondering how much longer this would go, how much more she could hold, why all this happened in the first place. Everything had happened so fast; in less than five minutes she'd gone from housewife and up-and-coming small business owner to mega-huge female parade float. She thought about calling for help but knew it wouldn't do any good this high up.
Suddenly, even quicker than the whole ordeal had began, it was over. Summer's massive shape rapidly deflated and all of her physical features swiftly returned. Within seconds, she was completely back to normal, standing nude at the epicenter of the whole debacle. Instinctively reaching to cover her breasts and crotch (and marveling at how nice it felt to be ambulatory again, much less to actually have breasts and a crotch again), she glanced around. Her swath of devastation was vast; no one was nearby to see her. Still, she collected the remains of her apron and wrapped herself in it. Seeing her flattened fridge nearby, she approached it and tugged on the door. Her innovative cake was a mess. Somehow, though, Summer figured that would be the least of her worries today.
--
BUT HERE'S WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
Unable to move but rocking gently in the fall breeze, Summer could only stare up into the sky, wondering how much longer this would go, how much more she could hold, why all this happened in the first place. Everything had happened so fast; in less than five minutes she'd gone from housewife and up-and-coming small business owner to mega-huge female parade float. She thought about calling for help but knew it wouldn't do any good this high up.
She didn't have to wait long to find out how much bigger she could get. Every inch of her started stretching so much and so fast that she could hear her skin vibrating as she swelled. This was way different than anything she'd felt yet. She grew tall enough that the winds caught her like a sail and sent her tumbling and bouncing along the suburban landscape. Summer could feel her butt squash a few houses here, her boob flatten some cars there... of course, she knew it wasn't really her butt or her boob but that was how it felt. As she rolled uncontrollably, she caught quick glances of the downtown skyline approaching. And she was still touching the ground, and still growing.
Through all this, the tightness in Summer's body was increasing exponentially. At first it was mildly uncomfortable, but then it became painful. She could feel her skin weakening and thinning out as it expanded continuously. Stretch marks danced across her surface. There was a limit to her size and she knew it was coming soon. Just then she rolled over a skyscraper far below, and the transmission tower on top poked her in the belly. This proved to be too much for Summer, who exploded in a huge blast that shattered windows, knocked over cars and trees, and leveled power lines inside the metropolis within a two-mile radius. The resulting air displacement even broke up some scattered clouds.