Warning: Short inflation fiction with anthro-themes. So if reading it brings you out in spots don’t blame me. Blame Seritaph instead, who gave me the idea for this one.
“So what do you think? Homemade.”
“Definitely lemony. Quite nice. You‘re getting better.”
“Have another piece."
“I shouldn’t; trying to lose a few pounds”
“Oh. It won’t hurt. Go on”
Lucy cuts the neatest slice and levers it onto my plate, smiling proudly. Moving to stand by the window, she peers against the glass; her face mottled by sun and shade. Outside, the rain has parted; shafts of sky striking through heavy cloud. The surrounding moorland is freckled with sodden browns and green, cascading away from the isolated cottage.
“So what did you do to her?” I sip my tea slowly, offsetting the sharpness of the confection.
Lucy turned back from the light. She puts her plate down and sits on the arm of the over-stuffed chair facing me.
“Not that much. But she underwent a bit of a…change”. Lucy let the tease linger under and arched eyebrow.
“What? Ohmygod. You mean, ani-whatchamacallit, animorphics?”
“Anthropomorphics.” She corrected patiently, leaning forward confidentially. “Femina-Bovina Levitica, to be precise.”
I ‘d seen one of the shift-suits working once before. It had taken 5 minutes of persuasion before I’d been brave enough to touch it. Even whilst inert the slightly rubbery-smooth surface held a texture not-quite-unlike latex. That had been weird enough. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to wear….to merge with….
“Oh good grief”. My hand flew to my mouth. “Is she….I mean, is it like, you know? Blow-up…..”
“Mmm-mmm” Lucy nods in affirmation, cupping her hands two-foot apart as she enunciated the words. “Giant. Inflatable. Udders.”
“That is soooo twisted!” I laughed. For anyone else I’d have thought that a little cruel, but in this case it felt deserved though. She always had been a bit of a cow.
“Awwwwh, but she looks adorable though!” Lucy softened, “The little ears and tail. So cute!”
“Can we change her back?” I ask, curiously. “Not that I’m in a hurry to, or anything.”
“Maybe. It kinda depends if she wants to. The meld took hold really tightly. That implies there’s at least some part of the person secretly enjoying it.….”
Lucy brightened suddenly, as if a thought had just occurred to her.
“You wanna go and see her? I’ve got her tethered out back.”
“Tethered? To stop her getting away?” I say, puzzled.
Lucy shakes her head. “Nawh, She doesn‘t really want to go anywhere. She just wants to be milked.”
“Milked?” I blink, uncomprehending.
“Sure. She’s an inflatable cow. Of course she produces milk “ Lucy looked at me exasperated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Gosh, that’s very….ummm…..sounds rather intimate…“ I giggle at the image that came to mind. “But…it doesn’t explain the tether?”
“It’s for her own safety really. When a cow-girl produces helium-milk in quantity…”
“Helium-milk?” I ask again, feeling stupid now.
“Hmmm. Just like regular milk. But under the right conditions - inside a person, say, or their udders - it becomes, basically, gassy. Anyway, with our friend, if she doesn’t get it milked out of her then….well, she gets a bit carried away.“
“You mean she floats?” I blurt out.
“Like a balloon.” Lucy smirked, wafting her hand upwards. “If she wasn’t tied down, she’d drift off on the wind. Hey, I practise responsible farming….”
“Oh that’s just wonderful.” I laugh, shaking my head. “I bet this is one little cow that could jump over the moon.”
“She gets over-the-moon alright, hon. Milking her is like wrestling an over-sensitive blimp…. Just pulling her down when its time will set her off, and the process itself….”
I blush at that, feeling my own nipples tingle in sympathy. “You mean she gets….umm…kind of aroused?”
“With all that pressure in her udders? The first time I squeezed her out, she came like an express train. You should have heard her last night.”
Lucy puts her head to one side, sucking her cheeks inwards to parody. “Stumooooopid voice. I’m....Moooo....ballmooooon…Moooost….milk….. please…..Mooooilk me…..”
“So….snurf…a silly cow-girl gets ballooned with helium-milk….snurf….“ I snort into my tea, trying to control my laughter. “What does it taste like? I‘m almost curious”
“Fairly flavourless, I suspect. Won’t win many dairy prizes. Why, wanna try some? I‘ve got half a dozen quarts of the stuff to get rid of and it seems a shame to tip it away.”
I shake my head. “Not that curious. I know you; you’d have me spending the next few hours on your ceiling,….or worse.”
“Suit yourself.” Lucy sighs. “I'll have to make shakes with it, or something. You are such a stick-in-the-mud. I‘d think you didn't trust me.”
She sits down fully on the armchair, reclining into thought with eyes half-closed. In the silence between us I could hear something, faintly, like a whisper. No? Yes? Did I feel different? Bloated? No…maybe a bit….lighter. A moment passed. Definitely lighter. Oh no.
I look over to Lucy. Her silver fork lies by the side of the plate, its contents untouched. She regarded me with playful eyes.
“How was your cheesecake?” She asked, mischievously.