I am a force to be reckoned with at my school. I have confronted six bullies. These bullies have had knives, guns, clubs, and one had an attack hawk (It was “Bring a Pet to Class Day.”) I’ve beaten them all, and I look forward to beating more. My method is simple: I inflate really big and just roll on the jerks. I, Kate the Balloon Girl, am capable of that. I have struck terror into many a bully and made the hallways safer. I have lessened the fear and filled many self-respecting good students with a sense of security long overdue.
I also hate gym class.
Don’t get me wrong: you don’t look like little old me uninflected without a willingness to exercise, but I still hate gym. Everything is like a competition in gym, after all, and I’m one of those people who if she doesn’t win, she doesn’t want to compete. Since there’s always two to three people better than me at every gym class, I’m always looking for a way out of gym.
Today seems like it will offer an especially good opportunity, because it’s outdoor gym today, and I made arrangements to vamoose. As soon as the class is outside, I gesture for Saki to join me in hiding behind a convenient corner, and she joins me. Man, Saki’s a great friend. Ever since she showed me she can inflate her ass to help me fight bullying, she’s been the wind beneath my wings, and I’m not worried about that wind breaking.
“So, are you wearing really baggy gym clothes to look thinner?” She asks, leaning against the brick wall. I was well aware that my gym clothes were really baggy, and grin at her perceptiveness.
“I’m going to skip this gym class. Do you want to join me? It‘d work a lot better for me if you did.” Saki looks over at the other students running track as she ponders my question. I understand her mixed feelings: Saki looks great when she exercises: beautiful long legs, strong arching back, firm yet bouncy boobs, that magnificent 80’s hair with the front combing… no, no, think of cold showers Kate, think of cold showers.
“Well, I like Gym, but I did want to skip Home Ec. Okay, how are we getting out of here?” I’ll explain that rather silly-sounding question: you see, this is a catholic school, and thus is surrounded by chain link fences with razor wire at the top. Believe me, that stuff hurts.
“Awesome!” I go over to the bush where I had hidden the extra-large helium tank.
“I’ll need you to close this off when I get big enough. I always let myself get too big when I leave it to myself.” I stick the hose in my mouth and turn it to full blast. Both Saki and I are pretty light, but it takes a HUGE amount of helium to lift a person in the real world, which this clearly is. The helium goes straight to my lower abdomen and then spreads out to thighs and chest. I’m a sumo wrestler in five seconds, and lifting into the air at twenty seconds. After forty seconds, I begin to worry about us being spotted, because I am now much to big to hide behind the corner of this building. Another fifteen seconds and I think I am beg enough that my feet are poking out over the top of this building. After a minute, Saki nods that I am big enough for both of us, seeing as how I am now easily as big as hot air balloon (Standard Issue, obviously, not Macy’s Day Parade, though I hope to be some day.) She seals the valve on the tank, jumps up to grab my outstretched right hand, and then yanks the hose out of my mouth and away we drift.
I don’t know quite what the atmospheric conditions that are causing this, but we rise slowly and unfortunately drift in the wrong direction. We’re going to be flying over the class, everyone looking at big ol’ Kate the Balloon Girl and her friend Saki blocking out the sun. We were high enough that I was sure we would clear the fence, but I would have given good money for us to go faster.
“Look: Kate’s doing that thing again and there she goes!” Yells one of the slower classmates, and the teacher, Mrs. Koch, looks up from tending to an injured student and gets furious when she looks up at me.
“Goddamn, Kate and Saki! I told you no more inflation on school grounds!” She yells.
“We’re not on school grounds: we’re flying over them!” Saki yells back and we chuckle. No one on the ground chuckles. You can tell they’re bitterly jealous that we get to skip class by distending ourselves grotesquely with inflammable gas, as anyone would be.
“That’s it! Students, bring her down!” Screeches Mrs. Koch. I had not expected even Mrs. Koch would dare go this far, but she does. Today’s activity for gym is archery. This ordinarily completely safe school activity threatens to turn deadly as twenty-some teenagers as one aim their bows and arrows up at me. I suddenly find myself feeling like a very easy target: my very big pink belly big and round is shiny in the morning sun, and my white shirt and very-stretched panties glistened. Even thirty feet up in the air, I feel I can see every tip of every arrow.
“Ha,” Saki says, “you’re skin is too tough for mere arrows to puncture it!” Saki looks up at my face when I don’t reply.
“Right, Kate?” She asks. I still don’t reply. There are twenty twangs, almost at once, and the air seems full of arrows.
The arrows all seem to hit me. I feel twenty arrow points pushing into my big balloony self.
My life flashes before my eyes. I am born, I learn I can inflate, there are lots of bullies at school, I am hit by a lot of arrows. That seems to be it. Huh, that was a crappy life.
But the arrows do not pop me: they bounce off and fall harmlessly back on the school yard. Well, two hit students, but the important thing is Saki and I aren’t hurt.
“YEAH!” Saki yells, “I knew you were too tough for a bunch of stupid arrows!” She reaches up to my free hand and gives me five.
“Heh,” I respond, because I now feel like being tough and confident, “I knew that nothing punctures THIS skin!” I say and I poke myself with my free index finger.
POP! SSSSSSSSS!
Yes, somehow poking myself has caused me to spring a big leak when a bunch of arrows weren’t up to it. Typical, really.
Saki and I scream as the jet of escaping air sends us much higher into the air. We keep screaming even as my now greatly depleted air stomach canopy-thing begins to deform a bit from deflation, and so we begin making loops and twirls in the air. Saki just about breaks my hand (possibly intentionally) holding onto me as the constant loud SSSSSSS turns into more of a PPPPPPPPPP noise because the air pressure is decreasing. We both turn green from all the spinning, which mixes oddly with how our faces had been turning blue from all the screaming.
At a couple thousand feet in the air, I run out of air to lose. When this happens (not that it happens often with my skin as tough as it is) I stretch back to normal and the wounds usually heal up instantly, which is unfortunate because I think it would be better if I were left as a big stretched out and kinda limp body Saki could use as a parachute. Instead we both begin free falling and screaming again after briefly pausing to take a little more air. To add to the misfortune, this time, I still have a little hole in my chest, which isn’t bleeding but still unfortunate for inflation purposes.
Saki’s still holding my hand, and I see her looking over at me. I wish I could present a brave face to her, but I’m too busy screaming because I’m scarred. After a moment, Saki stops screaming. She is filled with resolve. I’m still screaming. I keep screaming even as Saki sticks her free thumb in her mouth and begins blowing. I can’t see it at first, but I feel something press against my left foot and look up. Saki has inflated her ass enormously, bigger than both of us put together. She hugs me close, and then sort of rolls her body so that now we are descending ass-first. I’m still screaming. MAN I have powerful lungs.
We hit the ground at terminal velocity. Saki winces a little bit as we spend a few seconds with her ass flattening against the ground, but then we bounce back up at least two hundred feet. Then we come back down again, and this time only a quarter as high. Then only five feet. Then not at all.
“*Phew*” Saki says, wiping sweat from her brow, “We’re safe now.”
“AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH!” I respond for a little while longer. It’s at least ten seconds before I finally stop screaming. I look around. We’re out side the school grounds! We’ve officially skipped class! I turn to Saki, grabbing her other and, needing to steady myself as we’re both positioned atop her ass. “Oh, Saki, you were awesome! Thank you so much!”
“You donfispa.” She says, interrupted by the fact I’ve grabbed her shoulders and am now jamming my tongue down her throat. She stops trying to talk and tries to put her tongue in my mouth, closing her eyes. My separate after a long kiss. I put my hand on my chest.
“I still have this hole.” I say.
“Let Saki kiss it, make it all better.” She responds, and then she does. The hole finally seals up.
We might have skipped gym, but we spend the rest of the day getting plenty of exercise.
I mean by that we had lesbian sex. Cunnilingus, primarily, but you don’t want to skimp on the use of fingers, and- but that’s probably boring you.