The Factory

I'm looking for a bit of critique on my Prose That Blows #5 entry. It is my first inflation story released publicly on the Internet and I'm looking for any hints, tips, tricks, likes, and dislikes so that I stand a better chance during the next PTB (The Factory tied for 3rd in Best Story).

The story is available in BodyInflation.org's story archive, as well as Prose That Blows' archive and the Floats Your Boat Yahoo group (check Files>Inflation Tales).

The idea behind the story was to come up with a semi-practicle use for body inflation and buoyancy. In the story, the subject lives and works in an industrial plant that pays women to serve as processing devices for a super-light gas. The inflation and floating is but a pleasurable by-product of the production process. I'm thinking of writing another story or two based around the same premise.