Charming Balloons

Shontay disgustedly turned off the television. As a witch in the Nth Dimension, she watched Charmed on the WB network only so that she could shake her head at the grossly ignorant portrayal of witches. Real witchcraft was nothing like that. Oh, sure, she could write a letter to the WB, but somehow that wasn't gratifying enough. With a smirk, she vanished from her throne, traveling from the Nth Dimension and into Earth's dimension, one that real witches knew as "The Bob Dimension." (Not all dimensions had mysterious sounding names. Earth's was particularly pedestrian, given the peculiarities of its inhabitants, which included reality shows, beef jerky snacks, men who liked inflatable breasts, and lawyers.)

Shontay found the female cast of Charmed sitting in a circle rehearsing lines for the next show. As usual, Rose McGowan was dressed like a $5 whore, in ratty jeans and a sleeveless tank-top, and God bless her for it. Holly Marie Combs wore a conservative tan pants suit, one that, appallingly, had a jacket that covered that fine, fine ass of hers. Alyssa Milano was somewhere in between, wearing tight white jeans—somehow asses always look prettier in white, and Alyssa's was no exception—and a tight pink turtleneck; and as we all know, breasts always look prettier in pink.

Invisible to the trio of pulchritude, Shontay stood nearby as they practiced lines. It took only moments to determine that the next show was the usual banal crap the WB is legendary for, and with a wave of her hand, small, almost undetectable pixie dust flew from her hand and into the full, polished lips of Rose McGowan. A small light flashed in her eyes, and she unexpectedly stood up, dropping her script to the floor.

"You know what? This is bullshit," she announced. "I'm tired of playing the dopey sister. I'm a bigger star than either of you. I should get a bigger part."

Alyssa and Holly looked at each other, unsure if their fellow cast member was joking.

"I'm serious," Rose went on. "I'm going to be bigger than either of you."

"Okay," Alyssa said patiently, knowing full well that her Cosmo photo cover, the one with the blue bikini top and leather pants, was one of the hottest on record.

"Don't believe me? Watch this!" She took a deep breath and blew out her cheeks, standing there for a moment, trembling, as Alyssa and Holly exchanged baffled gazes.

Shontay watched too, biting her lip in anticipation.

And then Rose inflated, stretching out her tank top as her body blew outward, ripping her jeans further as her legs and ass blimped up.

Alyssa and Holly stood up. "How the hell did you do that?" Alyssa asked.

"I—I don't know!" Rose said, looking down fearfully at her plumped-up body. A quick light flashed in her eyes, and the fear disappeared, replaced by a ditzy smile. "But it feels good!"

Shontay waved her hand again, and this time found Alyssa's lips, briefly lighting up her eyes. "Oh, no you don't! I'm the biggest star here, and you all know it! And I'll always be bigger!" She followed Rose's example, and soon her body inflated, tightening her jeans further, stretching out her pink turtleneck till fibers tore in their attempts to contain her swelling breasts and belly. She blew up further and further, her arms sticking out her sides as they seemed to shrink into her round body.

"Oh my god!" said Holly. "You're both like balloons!" Pixie dust touched her lips, her eyes brightened, and she said, "I want to be a balloon too!" In moments, Holly was inflating all over, her growing body quickly sloughing off that pesky coat, her plump ass now filling up her baggy pants until they looked painted on her legs. She went from chubby...to puffy...to bloated...and finally to a big sphere-like shape. "See? I'm the biggest star here!"

Alyssa looked over at Rose and they began laughing.

Holly's face turned red. That sounded stupid even to her. Even she couldn't name a single thing she's been in other than Charmed. "Okay," she conceded, "but I'm going to be the biggest!"
She puffed herself up more, growing into a huge balloon ball.

"No, you don't! I'm bigger!" said Alyssa, and she grew and grew.

"I'm bigger!" said Rose. "Didn't you see all the attention my ass got at the Oscars?!" Her ass, along with the rest of her, expanded in size until she was the size of a weather balloon.

But she couldn't stop there, because Alyssa and Holly kept blowing themselves up, each trying to exceed the other's size.

Puffffffff! "I'm bigger!" said Alyssa.

Puffffffffffff!! "I'M bigger!!" said Rose.

PUFFFFFFFFFF!!! "I'LL BE BIGGER THAN BOTH OF YOU!" shouted Holly, over the sounds of hissing air and squeaking ballooned bodies.

Shontay had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Not that it mattered: The three balloon beauties knew of nothing else, nothing but inflating and growing and expanding and shouting, "Bigger! Bigger! Bigger!!"

It quickly got awfully snug in the studio building where the three blimps competed for space. Their bodies pressed tightly against the walls and against each other, prompting them to groan and strain, but none would stop blowing. Soon the walls blew out from around them, and the parade-size balloons were free to get bigger, growing larger than the studio building had been, filling up the parking lots, becoming the size of houses...of buildings...of mountains!

The three giant globes had to shout to be heard, but little new was said. It was still all, "I'm going to be bigger!" and "No, I'm going to be bigger!" all the way into the sky above the city.

Alyssa had enough. "I'm the biggest star here, and I'll prove it!" She took the deepest breath possible and inflated again. Her circumference doubled...then tripled...then quadrupled! Now the Holly and Rose balloons, as giant as they were, looked like party balloons competing with a hot-air balloon.

Holly cried, "No! I'm going to be the biggest! I want to be the biggest star in the world!" She took a deep breath, and her size doubled...then tripled...then...

POP! She burst into nothingness, only shreds of her suit to mark her passing.

Alyssa and Rose stared at the sudden emptiness, and then they burst out laughing, convulsing so hard that their round bodies shook. Finally, Alyssa looked down and said, "So, Rose! You wanna pop next? Or do you give up?"

"No way!" Rose inflated to twice her size. "I'm going to be bigger than you, just wait!" She  nearly doubled her size again, approaching Alyssa's massive size. "I'm going to be the biggest balloon ever!" She blew again, and now she and Alyssa were roughly equal. "See! Now I'll get so big that you'll never catch up without popping!" She took another huge breath, blew herself up, grew slightly larger...

And she burst.

Alyssa laughed and laughed for several minutes, her giant, round form shaking with merriment. A few minutes later, she blinked and looked around as best she could. "W-what happened? Where am I? Why am I so—so big?!"

"I did it," said a voice. "I made you blow yourself up."

Alyssa suddenly saw a tall, leggy brunette, wearing a tight black leather outfit that exposed amble cleavage and clung tightly to her thighs and butt. She brushed back her long gorgeous hair, showing her pretty, young, lightly freckled face. She walked along Alyssa's globular form wearing black high-heeled shoes, each step causing Alyssa to wince slightly, as each step threatened to pierce her ballooned form and cause her to burst. Shontay knelt down by Alyssa's head, the only recognizable feature on her otherwise spherical form.

"Why?" Alyssa asked simply.

"Well, I could say it's because of that horrible vampire flick you made," said Shontay. "But I have something else in mind." Suddenly, ropes flew in from every side, appearing seemingly from nowhere. But miles below, dozens of Shontay's gremlins worked fiercely to secure Alyssa in place.

Later in the Nth Dimension, a parade would be held, and all who attended agreed that the finale, a giant Alyssa Milano balloon, was the biggest, most beautiful star attraction the parade ever had.