Is this story stand-alone or does it need fleshing out?
Looking for criticism on this. I think it's quite well written and might work as a story, but the whole thing is a story idea. Does it need more detail or do people like it the way it is?
-- Oliver.
The Party
Alexa starts off at a party. There are quite a few people there. She does not really know any of them but is comfortable enough to be in their company. She has been invited there out of loneliness. Her body shape is normal, as is her size. There is one man there she has her eyes on -- she likes him because she has seen him before and he seems different from the others-- less an accessory and more there for her. This makes her happy and thankful.
Alexa Pittman goes up to the man and starts a conversation with him because he seems to attract her over somehow. She likes how the man speaks and they talk for a while about themselves, and then about more important things. He reveals to her that he would like to call her "Alexandria", as it seems to embody her fullness. She thinks that that would be out of the ordinary but accepts it and the idea behind it. She implies that she would like to "get fuller", as she seems to be too small the way she is. The man says he could give her something that would help her out, if she knows what he means.
The gift piques her interest but she doesn't know what it would do. The man explains how it works and shows her the method -- a small pill that would dissolve into powder when rubbed. He suggests she sprinkle it into her drink. She mulls this idea over for a while and then gives into her feelings -- she asks if it would hurt and if it would really give her what she wants -- the idea excites her but she is also very wary about these things and wants to make absolutely sure that it would work. He says that yes it will give her everything her heart desires as long as she lets it do its work. She trusts him on this and would almost admit to being in love with him. She asks him to promise that it will absolutely not do anything to hurt her. He promises, sincerely, that everything will be fine and that she only has to trust him -- if anything could go wrong, and it can't, he would take full responsibility and would most likely kill himself. He is swearing on his life. She takes another tentative look at him and decides that while intense and a little odd, this man is probably for real and takes the pill -- "but just a little bit, to start and see what happens and if this is okay", she says.
The man gives her the pill and seems to be wary, though is excited as hell and wants this to happen as much as anybody. He is nervous, as while he has seen the pill work with his own eyes, he does not know if it would work for her -- though it should.
Alexa looks down at the pill as if it could talk and then shakes it a tiny bit -- a little shaving falls down into her drink. She looks at him: "Now what do I do?", she says, and in response he gently picks up the pill from her open palm. The woman looks down into her drink. She sees the shaving from the pill swirl in it, then plummet all of a sudden. She lifts the glass up to her mouth and places the rim of it onto the flesh of her lower lip. She tilts it up. The shaving drops into her mouth and she finishes drinking the wine, then laps up the little bit of wine lying on her lip. She seems surprised -- she expected to bulge out in all sorts of angles and not be able to stop, but this seems okay -- she seems to be growing gradually -- and then it stops.
The result is that she's grown a little bit from what she was. She seems disappointed but not at all put out. He asks if she would like some more. She pauses, nods, and then stretches out her palm. He places the thing in her palm and she taps it on its side, dozens of little shavings falling into the red wine below. She was a little more eager this time, but still careful not to put too many in -- she does not want to burst, after all, though the man has explained that bursting would not be an end, that she would be recombined by the same pill she had drank. She looks at the swirlings dissappear and plummet. She brings the glass to her lips again and looks wildy at the man out of the corner of her eye -- so she is a real "party girl" after all! She drinks this one more quickly and eagerly awaits the results: her tummy bulges out, and her hips, thighs, shoulders, neck, and even her clothing -- it works for everything, you see, everything connected to her -- grows in tandem, expands slightly and gradually, growing until she stops. The transformation this time was comfortable like before, and she does want more... really wants more, but does not want to burst. Not yet, anyway.
The man asks her if she wants more again and she nods yes, please. She picks it up from his open palm as gingerly as she is able but her fingers are shaking -- the girl is very excited, and when she gets the pill she shakes it, sending tons of shavings falling into the drink -- she takes the glass to her lips and swigs without hesitation: the shavings and drink tumble into her gullet and her stomach immediately bloats forward. Her legs spread because her expansion forces them out, and her butt, plumping up on the seat beneath, makes her look a foot or two higher than she actually would be. She feels like standing up but does not want to interrupt the inflation and the floaty feeling she is getting in her stomach. She is quite a bit bigger now, but nobody seems to notice as they are too preoccupied with doing nothing in particular. The man asks up at her if she would like even more, but she does not seem to hear him -- she is still filling, and quite nicely. She stands up a little bit and then falls back onto the little bar chair, which barely contains her. She repositions herself in it and feels herself grow even more. Her butt slides over the stool as if it were a balloon, the backs of her calves bump the connecting legs of the chair, and her toes hit the floor. When she stops, she looks at him, pleased. She wants more of this -- much more, and she wants it to never stop -- not until she explodes. She quickly takes the pill from his hand and "plops" it into the drink. She looks at him daringly. He is pleasantly surprised and willing for this to go in whatever direction she takes it. He knew she had it in her.
She puts the glass up to her lips and looks at him one last time out of the corner of that eye -- daring, sensual, thankful -- and then almost winks before drinking the whole glass in one entire gulp. A buzzing sensation passes through her head, she hiccups once, and her belly floats forward -- her arms spread widely out and the rest of her body follows suit: she outgrows the bar seat she was sitting on with ease and the man next to her is quick to take her by the hand before she slips out of it and falls to the ground. The lady smiles and the man takes her to the next room before anybody else in the room has the chance to see, though the couple don't think anybody in the room would have cared anyway even if they had seen. And if they had, would it matter? The two were in love and they were together -- that was what was important.
The girl flees into the room with the man and they make mad love -- impossible love, under any other circumstances, and as much of it as they can, especially as she might burst at any moment, ending all of it. Though, in the time that they have, they enjoy each other as much as any couple can, and when the girl gets to that point, when that girl is BIG, and when she gets to that size she ALWAYS wanted to be, she EXPLODES! And the man is sure to say afterward: "Alexandria."
I know this post is long but I needed to know whether or not it was fit for submission. Let me hear your comments and I will re-tweak this until I think it's ready to go in. Thank you for your inputs -- muchos gracias! -- Oliver