Probability

Disclaimer: The following story has no plot, characterization, or any literary devices that make it worth reading. It is simply and purely a bad piece of fiction. If you are easily offended by bad short fiction, or if you live in a locale where bad short fiction is illegal, do not read the following story. The author makes no warranties and will not be held liable for damages resulting from reading this story. If it can be called a story.

Oh, and a woman blows up like a balloon. So don't read it if you don't like that sort of thing, either.

Polly popped her gum and looked at the professor wide-eyed. She just couldn't get over how smart he was.

"So, um...." the professor paused.

"Polly," she said, and she giggled.

"So, Polly, Quantum Physics suggests that the very nature of the Universe is probabilistic. That everything we think of as solid and certain is, in fact, no more than probability."

Polly nodded and said, "Probabil... probabibli...."

The professor smiled. "Chance," he said.

"Oh! Chance!" Polly laughed, and bobbed up and down. Her pigtails bobbed with the motion, as well as her rather hefty busom, which the professor noted was out of proportion with the rest of her tiny frame. Polly popped her gum again. She decided physics was fun.

The professor found he had lost his train of thought after watching the young co-ed bobbing up and down, and scrambled mentally to pick up the trail. "So, you see, it's really a question of chance. What may or may not happen isn't certain." He nodded and cast a sage's knowing gaze over the empty seats of the lecture hall. He tried to think of a way to get Polly bobbing again.

Polly blew a bubble with her gum. The professor continued, "Even simple forces in the Universe are the result of many, many complex and unpredictable forces...." The bubble she was blowing suddenly popped, and Polly struggled to wipe it from her cheeks. The professor watched her bare legs quietly until she was done.

She smiled, and wrapped the gum in a piece of paper, and dropped it in the trash basket by his desk. "Blowing bubbles can be unpredictable," she said, and she smiled.

"Yes! Exactly! Here, let me show you." He reached into a drawer and produced a pink balloon. He blew it up till it was nearly ready to burst. "There!" he said, slightly winded. "Now we have a thin wall of rubber holding in a lungful of air." He tapped the balloon with his finger. "But the air is slowly leaking through that wall... why?"

"Chance!" Polly said, beaming.

"Exactly. And remember that nothing is certain. Quantum physics tells us that there is always a small chance that something unexpected will happen. For example, there is a tiny, tiny chance that all the air will suddenly rush out of this balloon without it popping!"

Polly nodded. "Wow."

"Of course, that's very unlikely. It probably wouldn't happen once in a billion years. It's about as likely as you suddenly filling with air like a giant balloon for no reason." Polly giggled and toyed with one of her pigtails.

Suddenly there was a funny sort of whooshing sound, and the balloon in the professor's hand went flat.

They both stared at the now deflated balloon lying limp on top of the professor's hand. "Strange," he said.

"Did it pop?" Polly asked, looking slightly concerned.

"No. I don't know what could have...."

There was another whooshing sound, this one deeper in tone and more drawn out. Polly gasped, and put her hands on her belly. She started puffing in a funny way. Her cheeks were puffing up.

The professor blinked. "Um...."

Now Polly's ample busom was filling and lifting, each breast becoming more rounded. The professor's suspicions that she was not wearing a bra were confirmed. She continued puffing in that strange way, and looked dizzily down at her figure. Her hands were rubbing her belly and sides. She reached up and hefted her growing globes of breast flesh.

She looked back at the professor with a face that was flushed oddly rounded. Her eyes were as wide as saucers.

Then her midsection began to fill out. The professor could see her thin figure bulging out a little, then a lot. She absently rubbed her belly, which was now arcing forward noticeably, curving all the way down to her crotch. She began walking in confused little circles, not sure what to do.

Suddenly, like a balloon suddenly finding it's elasticity, the curve of her belly surged forward. She groaned loudly and tried to hold it back. She started blowing hard, but no matter how much air she blew out of her, she was still blowing up.

One by one articles of clothing burst their seams and fell to the floor.

Soon she was nearly spherical from her shoulders to her crotch. She was completely naked except for her sandals and a gold braid necklace. And still she filled. The ball that she was becoming slowly grew, expanding up her neck, and stretching out her thighs and shoulders. She had to waddle because she was getting so large. She waddled around the floor, not sure where she was going, making funny little squeaking sounds in addition to her puffing.

The filling continued until she was a giant ball with little hands sticking out the sides, and her tiny feet sticking out the bottom. The professor noted to himself, oddly, what a large ball such a little woman made.

But she was not slowing down, and was still inflating. Her skin started to look tight. Her waddling took on a desperate quality. She began groaning with the obvious pressure that was building up. But still she grew. She flapped her hands feebly, then made fists, and started blowing furiously. But it was no good. Still she filled.

She cried out, "Oh, professor! I am getting to big! Too... much... pressure.... too tight... going to.... to.... OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

There was a distinct "pop!" and her right nipple popped forward, erect. It was about two inches in length. The professor and Polly both stared at it. Then there was another "pop!" and her other nipple popped out. The two stared at it.

The Polly squeezed her eyes shut, and started blowing furiously. Her blowing turned into a long groan. There was a low rumbling. The rumbling was coming from inside Polly.

There was a BANG! Polly's eyes snapped open with fear, but the professor was gazing at her belly. Her belly button had just popped out into a rather large, roundish, "outie."

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Epilogue: OK OK OK.... "probability" was kind of a weak excuse for inflating woman like that. But come on, Quantum Physics says there's a *chance*.

Anyway, the professor had a long, entirely physical relationship with Polly, who spent the entire school year desperately learning about quantum physics and slowly deflating. By the next academic year, she was back down to size. And she was somewhat better looking than before, because her skin had a soft, almost elastic sheen to it.

That year, she dumped the professor, reported him to the college regents, and got him fired for taking advantage of a student. Which is just as well, because after watching Polly inflate like that, he was never quite right anymore anyway. Now he works as a clown making balloon animals for adult-only parties. And Polly never blew up anymore except at a couple of frat parties where she'd been drinking too much, so what do you expect?

by the happyguy happy always, always happy