dragon_6860 wrote:
There was no real development, in the story it's self, but if you look at it as a pesdo-sequil to "I'd rather be flying" there is some more development.
Dragon6860
Ah - you noticed! This story was originally just a one-off (my first story). But I decided that it was a good basis for more, so I changed some minor details in the revision and began writing pre-quels (the long promised second one is still in the works. The ending will lead directly into The Getaway) I didn't realize the country name would be that distracting. I'll try to come up with a fix.
dragon_6860 wrote:
Hope this is what you're looking for, and hope the review is correct!
Dragon6860
Yes - thanks! I will try and participate myself as soon as I can.
For "The Getaway" I thought this was a very good story, nice straightforward plotline, which a intresting setting and reason behind the inflation. I liked how you brought in the charaters from "I'd rather be flying" as the main girl in the story as well, but I always like backstories, and stories that join together somehow. The inflation scenes were well done, maybe more descriptions, but it was very clear, and I could picture what was happening easily.
The dialoge in the story was very beleavable, and there were no spots that i can remember that jarred me out of the story. The only complant, i would have is the name of the forgin country, "Elbonia" which brought a image of dilbert into my head. Maybe a better way would of have it unnamed, but that's just me. The setup in the begining was very good, and the inflation did'nt seem rushed.
Technical
Spelling - 100%
Grammer - 100%
Sentence Structure - 100%
Artistic
Subject - 87%
Plot - 89%
Originality - 90%
Character Development 75% - There was no real development, in the story it's self, but if you look at it as a pesdo-sequil to "I'd rather be flying" there is some more development.
Hope this is what you're looking for, and hope the review is correct!
Dragon6860
No, I would not want to live in a world without dragons, as I would not want to live in a world without magic, for that is a world without mystery, and that is a world without faith.