Thanks for the helpful reply. Infact I have produced a further story in which I spaced things out a bit more and added a bit more back story, so if you'd like to check that out sometime. I'll take further note in spacing the expansion out, only they were wearing tight clothes in that story and I'm never usually so quick paced but when writing a water inflation scene which is, by fact, my favourite inflation, then I prefer to make things seem quicker to the audience to make it seem like it's happening fast. However I think spacing it out a bit more will make it more interesting. Thanks again! ^_^
TheOne
I always like to see stories with a new inflation device. This one struck me as a bit odd, but no more odd than any other I've seen. So that alone made me go "Huh, interesting."
The growth was faster than I expected, but in rereading it, the pace is pretty well established from the get-go, so that's not a criticism at all. I was just sort of surprised at how quickly things progressed and how suddenly clothes ripped. I would have liked to see a little more 'signposting' between clothing ripping off - that is, comments on what's going through the minds of the participants, any crowd reaction, etc. Helps set a deliberate pace and fills out the whole scene more for the reader. As it is, on DA anyway, it looks like your main expansion section is one long paragraph, and carriage returns can help to change the pace too.
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