It feels great to have my story posted. Part II should be ready in a month or so.
Turn your favorite pic into a story!
A lot of pics on this site suggest some sort of backstory that the viewer is supposed to fill in himself. Spin out your idea into a full story and post it! My story is based on my favorite pic on the site: sa_inflate3
If enough people like this, I'll submit it to the site proper and write more. I have several ideas for a series on the theme of people being fired from low-paying jobs for inflation-related mishaps.
Fri, 08/24/2007 - 03:42
#3
RenegadeKamui
Sat, 08/25/2007 - 04:18
#4
doubleintegral
An interesting idea. I'll have to give it a go sometime.
Sat, 08/25/2007 - 18:36
#5
I like the story, but if I'd been the one writing it, Gavin would have accidentally blown himself up, not a bystander. Clown as human balloon is the kind of comedy I like. I also prefer male inflation over female.
Job-wise, I wonder if Gavin might consider working at a car dealership... as their advertising balloon? Or, at Christmastime, be the inflated Santa in the parking lot of a strip mall.
Sat, 08/25/2007 - 23:48
#6
RenegadeKamui
Murkstorm wrote:
I like the story, but if I'd been the one writing it, Gavin would have accidentally blown himself up, not a bystander. Clown as human balloon is the kind of comedy I like. I also prefer male inflation over female.Job-wise, I wonder if Gavin might consider working at a car dealership... as their advertising balloon? Or, at Christmastime, be the inflated Santa in the parking lot of a strip mall.
I've got a couple ideas for male inflation stories that I'm trying to develop. I'm more into "accidental" inflation, though, as opposed to deliberate self-inflation or inflation deliberately imposed by a third party. At least for stories I'm trying to write. I'm also not planning to revisit previous characters -- unless one of my stories is really, REALLY popular :)
That car dealership idea sounds a lot like this comic at sticky-site. Maybe you'll like it.
Sun, 08/26/2007 - 00:48
#7
Interesting. Looking forward to more. However...
"He knew that despite all his efforts at the gym, he was nowhere near strong enough to lift a grown woman."
Hmmm, summer job. How old is this kid? (Old enough to drive.) Or is he on the small and scrawny side, despite the gym? Women are generally significantly lighter than men, and for someone that age to be unable to lift a woman... Maybe I've always taken my size for granted. Perhaps this line could be expressed differently? "She jerked off the ground as if she weighed next to nothing, then floated very slowly back to the ground."
Maybe I'm just being picky. Loved the story. Fun.
Sun, 08/26/2007 - 04:20
#8
darth_clone19
I hadnt read your story...
now I did and I love it! Hourglass is not my favorite thing in the world, but damn it, your language and the whole situation was awesome.
Poor woman though (nah! lol). If it was a romance comedy, maybe Gavin would take care of the kid and use him to win over women ;)
Sun, 08/26/2007 - 12:12
#9
This is a great story... I especially like this line
"A feeling of pressure, like gas but more insistent, bloomed through her abdomen."
Just something about the language, the way you drew together the feeling of pressure inside her and the way it starts becoming visible on the outside... it works so much more seamlessly than just saying 'She felt a feeling of pressure... she started to visibly inflate' and the word 'bloomed' is perfect for an image of something growing that is 1) organic and 2) beautiful.
I like her being described as 'downright voluptous' too... the addition of the word 'downright' makes it seem so sexy and naughty.
A couple of other comments though:
The third paragraph, which explains how the hose works... I know this is essential to the working of the story, as for it to work there has to be no valve etc. But it just gets a little detailed here, I struggled to picture how the hose worked and just said to myself 'It is a hose that doesn't have a valve' and skimmed over the rest. I don't know whether it is your style of writing or simply the level of detail but you might want to look at how you explain detailed things that are essential to the plot in future.
Secondly, Kendra had a toddler; I know (for me anyway) that it's awkward putting kids into inflation stories, even just as bystanders; but you should try not to leave things hanging like that. I would either have not had the kid at all; make the kid leave for some reason and not witness the inflation (could be a little deus ex machina though); or give the kid some sort of reaction to seeing his Mum blow up.
I like how you leave what became of Kendra in the end, open. Overall, good story.
Sun, 08/26/2007 - 14:58
#10
RenegadeKamui
carnatic wrote:
Glad to see a veteran writer appreciates my work. Regarding your criticisms:
I had to think of some explanation for how Kendra started to inflate and why she couldn't stop. In the first draft of the story, Gavin got so frustrated with whiny customers that he shoved the nozzle down the front of her pants. But that would have made him a mean-spirited prick, and I wanted him to be a sympathetic character who caused an inflation situation through no fault of his own. Most inflation stories or pictures involving one character and a helium tank involve either the valve getting stuck or the character being unable to reach it. The latter obviously wouldn't work in a two-character story, and having a valve jam just at the wrong time after working perfectly until then was a little more contrived than I would have liked. The nozzle was made slippery so that Gavin could lose control of it, and the squeeze bulb meant that mere pressure would start the flow of helium.
The toddler was a relatively late addition to the story. In the original idea, Kendra was just walking by the tank, but I wanted her jeans to be tight, so that by the time she figured out what was happening they'd be too tight to get off. That meant she'd have to be bent over to create an "opening" in back, so I decided to add the kid and make her a customer instead of a bystander. I made everyone except Gavin and Kendra "disappear" during the inflation sequence to keep the story from getting to cluttered. This is a sort of clumsy literary kludge, and I didn't want to wreck it by having the kid involved. I guess I could have added something about what happened to him in the last paragraph, but as you noted, I wanted to keep Kendra's fate a mystery, and the carnival's owners were hushing up the incident, so I didn't want to get into that.
I'm glad you liked my story, and I appreciate your input. This is my first story, and I'd like to hear what people liked and disliked about it so my next one will be better.
Sun, 08/26/2007 - 17:15
#11
darth_clone19
Great thinking there! I think it worked. Honestly, the fact shes a mom made it better for me. I once read a chapter in the choose your own transformation site about a woman blowing up a balloon for her kid, but the blow back blew her up. The kid just walked away with her new balloon ^^ I dont know, theres something to it. The attention is still on the woman, but the kid adds something to the embarrassment.
Like in Donna's New Look 2. The fact the kid inflated Donna's nemesis gave it a defeatist outlook to it. Who can bargain with an angry child. No matter what she did, she was gonna inflate. Kids are like natural, uncontrollable disasters :)
That idea of losing jobs is pretty awesome.
- Read my stories: darth-clone19.deviantart.com