Ok this is my first inflation story so say what ever you think of it. See if you can find the cartoon quote in this story :P
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cindy wast the smartest person in the world. To be honest shes as bright as the dark side of the moon, but that never got here down. She is very pretty though and loved by all the kids in her class. she wast the one to get into too much trouble but one day she got into something way out of hand.
It was a normal day for Cindy. She just got out of school and started running home when suddenly A big storm rolled in.
"Oh my I should get home quick," She ran into her house and slamed the door." Hello, anyone home?" the *Wham* Whaled on the head.
"Uh what happened? Where am I?" Cindy asked?
"Your put into your place." A mysterous figure said.
"Who are you and why can I move."
"Im sure you know me well enough"
"Is that Jacob?
"Damn, I thoguht it would work."
Jacob was Cindys Ex-boyfriend, she broke up with him because hes guote"too dumb for her"
"Why are you in my house"
"This is my house you idiot"
"Jacob what are you going to do?"
"What I always wanted to do." He said while turning on the lights.
"Please let me go Jacob Ill do anything just let me go?
"No you broke my heart now Im going to break something of yours."
Jacob turned on the divice and cindy started moaning.
"Oh Please stop it hurts so much" Cindy whined
"It hasnt even affacted you yet."
"Oh, Is did it yet?" Cindy asked
"Yes," Jacob said.
Cindys breast and belly started growing."OH my Gosh, please stop it."
"Why should I, In fact"
Jacob put the machine on high.
Cindy Belly grew past the poing of pregnancy after two minutes and started to press onto the ceiling and her breast were as big as 10 beach balls.
"uh I feal like a Giant balloon please stop before I burst." But Jacob wasnt playing attention he left to room. "oh no I cant take this anymore" a couple tears fell from here eyes. "I dont want to die this way" *snap* she heard a crack. "I think that was my rib cage. My heart will be crushed by my breast before I pop.
Her belly then burst though the roof and it started to rumble. "Please Dont pop DONT!
*POP* Cindys belly blew as did here breast 1 minute later.
Jacob went back to the room. Oh snap she got huge....Damn it I cant of anything snappy to say.
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Well thats it, I have more ideas but this was the shortest one.
You could probably do with reading the story out loud to yourself. As inflate 123 mentioned there are a lot of mistakes with grammar and spelling, and with a quick read through you could correct them.
I'm not into the whole popping thing, but I think for a first attempt it's not too bad.
Well... not to restate, but you gotta work on basic grammar first of all. Besides that, work on descriptions and the story's pace. For example, what did Cindy or Jacob look like, was the device like an air compressor or a large water tank, or even the details of the inflation can be improved on. I'm not talking about the gore aspect, but the progression in general. (But gore/popping is a little harsh for my taste, even though I do approve of sadism. :roll: The content however isn't the problem.) As for the pace, it felt like only minute. It just seems to rush everything, that's all. With work on descriptive qualities, that'll improve.
One easy way to improve is to re-read it, and also read the story out loud (or at least in your head) to catch the small grammar errors and typos.
Well...being grisly is a stylistic choice, I suppose, so I'm going to just say that the rib cage line was jarring to me personally and leave it at that.
The rest of the story needs major cleanup -- spelling, grammar, and punctuation are all in serious need of attention. If you run it through a spell-checking program, you will get the bulk of them taken care of automatically, but I'd urge you to go over each correction as the computer makes it so you can learn what the mistakes are and how to correct them.
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