someone help me with my story

Everything’s possible!

Authors Note: this is my first story so please don’t criticize me that hard! Some of this contains Body inflation, Breast inflation and popping, so you were warned…PLEAZE READ!!!!!

Chapter 1: The store

Casey Martin sat alone at her desk, it was standardized test time and she had spent all night preparing for the junior level of the PDAT. She was 16 and had a foul temper. It went well with her long black hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. She had little to no curve so she was always laughed By Traci Morgan and her posse of followers.
Traci had it all, she had looks, her hair was long and as blond as the sunshine, she had eyes as blue as sky itself. Traci also was well endowed with C cup breasts in middle school and had boys drooling on her then. By their sophomore year she had gotten into the DD class of bra as her breasts would catch any guy. Traci’s butt also did wonders, as it was equal size as her Boobs. Guys all the way from the gym would wander towards her just to touch her.
It was one hour into the test when Casey looked up. Quietly she beckoned a teacher and asked in the softest voice, “May I use the restroom?” The proctor, a fifty year old woman in a nice plum suit nodded and pointed her towards the door. Casey left her seat and walked to the front of the class past Traci. “Oooooh here comes miss no boob now!” Traci snickered, as Casey made her way up to the front of the room. Casey ignored her and grabbed the pass. Traci’s boyfriend Mitch looked up, “Hey Casey I heard there is a nice circus for freak shows like you! Are you one of their acts?” The entire class chortled after Casey until she left the room.
As time moved on Casey shuffled to her favorite classes back-to-back, Study hall and U.S. history. She always sat in the back and never had to move at all. “Well at least I don’t have to deal with the biggest bitch on the playground any more.” Casey said to herself as she looked around. They both shared the same class only once, and it made her year a living breathing hell. Casey smiled and ignored the teacher’s lecture on the American civil war and fell asleep, snoring gently.
In her dream, Casey found herself in a strangely peaceful meadow. Looking around she saw nothing but grass. As her dream continued, she noticed her clothes were missing. ‘Oh crap.’ Casey thought, ‘I lost my clothes.’ As she looked in her dream, she noticed a low squeak come from something. Casey quickly turned behind her to reveal nothing but another squeak. It was almost a rubbery squeak when she turned around and looked out to a sea of grass. Before Casey could investigate, she was roughly shaken awake by the teacher.
“Ms. Morgan, are you going to go home now? Class is over.” She said sweetly. Casey stood up and picked up her stuff and ran for the bus. A few minutes later, she was outside. “Damn,” Casey growled, “I guess I’ll have to hoof it.” She sighed and started walking. “Hey princess no boobs!” Traci shouted, “Miss the Bus? I would give you a ride, but there’s not enough room in here for a pencil! Oh wait I’m sooooooo sorry that I offended you, but the truth is I don’t care!” She laughed as she drove away with Mitch and their posse.
Casey rolled her eyes and started the long journey home. ‘Idiot, you’re too stupid to come up with a good insult.’ She thought to herself as she rounded the corner from the school and the highway. After fifteen minutes of walking, she heard a car horn. “Hey Casey!” She turned as a blue convertible pulled up along side of her. Inside was her best friend Lily. Lily was always on good terms with Casey, and they considered each other as friends. Lily was 17 and had good looks. She originally had brown hair, and blue eyes, bur now she had bubblegum pink hair and red eyes. Her skin was lightly tanned and had ample B cup breasts. Her butt matched her boobs and she never flaunted it off. “Hey, you need a ride?” Lily asked. Casey nodded and ran to the passengers side door. “You got room for a pencil like me?” She asked with a smile.
Lily nodded. “Get in.” Casey hopped in her best friends car and dropped off her bag in the back. “You look like you been dragged through the mud. Let’s go ridin.” Lily remarked as they rode down the highway. As they drove along, stripcenters and random shops flew on by, Lily turned to Casey, “Hey let’s go shopping, I know! How about there?” She said pointing to a random shop and pulled into a random parking spot. Casey looked at the sign and read to herself, “Mystic Enhancements for Men and Women, Where everything’s possible!” She turned to Lily who already headed into the shop and shook her head. “This isn’t going to end pretty.” She uttered and went into the shop.
Inside she found Lily already in the clothing department of the little shop trying things on. “Hey, pretty neat stuff huh?” Lily asked, coming out of a changing room wearing a skintight latex full body suit. Casey snickered. “Yeah, that look suits you. You look like an inflatable doll or something.” Lily pouted a little and then laughed. “You’re right. I’m keeping it.” Casey smiled and then wandered through the halls, stopping a little seeing some non-interesting things like: edible throw-up, guy’s gag bra’s, and some senile joke stuff that guys would buy just for a laugh. “Looking for something dear?” Someone said behind her. Casey turned and seen the biggest boobs ever. “I – uh –what I mean was, just to say –uh- …” The woman smiled and jiggled herself. Her boobs were literally the size of over inflated party balloons. “These are just a few enhancements. Don’t worry if you can’t resist them.” Casey looked her over the woman, who was wearing a black dress that was comfortable with her boobs resting in them. Her figure was otherwise normal and she squeaked as she moved.
“Are you the owner?” Casey asked. The woman nodded and passed her almost immediately. Casey felt the owner’s boobs rest behind her. “Your friend has an excellent taste in outwear. What about you?” Casey shuddered as the woman’s arms wrapped indulgently around hers. “Could – you – hel – h – h – help me?” She asked as the woman touched her left nipple. “Yes dear, let’s take a walk.” The woman said seductively. They both headed through the aisles and loaded up her cart with different items like: breast inflation pills, a black latex catsuit, and breast balloon bras, enough to last a lifetime.
Casey awed at a large red balloon. “Wow Casey, is that enough stuff?” Lily asked carrying her own bag of goodies. Casey nodded and turned to Lily, “Did you see the owner?” Lily nodded. “Yeah, she’s really pretty. Look at the balloons on her. How do you think she did it?” Casey smiled as the shopkeeper wandered in front of them. “You like?” She asked as they both turned around. Her breasts squeaked as she turned to Casey. “Dear, Take this as a gift.” Casey looked and seen a small t-shirt attached to a flesh colored material also attached to a pair of blue jeans. Lily grinned as Casey put her gift in her own bag. The woman smiled and hugged Casey burying her in her boobs. There was a smell that reminded her of actual balloons.
“Take care now dear. I hope to see you again.” She said releasing her. Casey coughed a little and waved goodbye as they pulled out of the parking spot and Drove away. When they got to Casey’s house they left their enhancement stuff in the car. “Mom I’m home!” Casey hollered. She smiled as her mom came out of the kitchen and into the front hall where they were standing. “Well at least you are safe.” She said hugging her. “Do you have homework?” She asked. Casey shook her head and her mother understood. “That entire standardized test kept the homework at bay huh?” Casey nodded and looked at her thoughtfully. Her Mother was beautiful, having rich long blond hair, blue eyes and an ample figure, she was the only person she could talk to other than Lily most of the time. “Lily does your mother know your over?” Casey’s mom asked. Lily nodded, “I have a hunch she does, but I’ll have to call her to let her know.” Casey’s mom sighed and then smiled. “Well you know where the phone is, call her and tell her you are over here. Now young lady,” Her mom said turning on Casey, “I will be gone for the weekend and most of the week. You’re on Spring Break right?” Casey thought for a second and then smiled, she liked where this was going. “Yeah. We’re on Break.” Her Mother eyed her and started to say something but stopped as if she was analyzing her sentence. “Well seeing as your father won’t be back until next Sunday, and I won’t be back till next Friday, can I trust you not to burn the house down for this week?” Casey smiled, ‘Alright, major decision time. On one hand my mom trusts me with a grave responsibility, but on the other hand this is the only chance I’ll get to prove myself to her that I can be trusted.’ After fighting with herself Casey smiled and declared, “Yes mom, you can trust me.”
Her Mother looked at her and then smiled. “That’s my girl. You can have only a couple friends over if you want. Now I have to get ready because my flight leaves in an hour.”
“My mom said it was okay if it was okay with you.” Lily said coming out of the office. “Well then it’s settled. Lily, you and Casey have a good time. Now here are the rules, no drinking, no wild parties, and no under-the-cover talk. Understand?” Both of the teens nodded their heads. “Well then let me get ready so I don’t miss my flight.” Casey’s mom said heading for her bedroom.
An hour later, and after goodbyes were said, Casey’s Mom left for the Airport Leaving the two teen girls alone. Lily grinned as she had the stuff they had gotten at the shop in each hand. “Let’s try some of it.” Casey said pulling out a bottle. “Balloon juice, Tired of having no cleavage? Tired of not being sexy enough? Then drink some of this and your whole body will change! Warning, do not drink with any carbonated substance, may cause over inflation to body resulting in irreversible popping.” Casey smiled as Lily took off her clothes and put on her pink latex catsuit. “Hey Casey, do you have an air tank?” Lily asked as she finished pulling the hood over her head.
Casey nodded absentmindedly and said, “Yeah check the front hall closet.” Lily went off to the front hall as Casey to took off her top and opened the bottle. She smelled the liquid and it smelled like a mixture of rubber and something sweet. Passing that off as a fluke she put the bottle to her lips and drank. A pleasantly fizzing liquid went down her throat and passed into her stomach with the most sensational feeling of lightness. When no more liquid came out of the bottle she set it down and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited.
Lily had just found a helium tank that they had used for some of Casey’s birthday parties and drug it back into the room. “So does your stuff work yet?” She asked as Casey stood up to help her drag the tank in. “Actually I don’t thhhiiin….ohhhhhhh.” Casey said. Lily watched as Casey started to rub where her breasts would be and actually seen two small tits forming. They were at least smaller than an A cup until, “Oooooooohhhhhhh!” Casey moaned as surges of pleasure rippled through her body. Her new boobies were as big as Lily’s boobs, but they were getting bigger. “Ohhhhhhh…ahhhhhh…yeeeeessssssss….bigger!” Casey said touching her boobs and flailing around. Casey’s new boobs had just hit the size of under inflated party balloons and started to get really perky on her. “Ohhhhhh…More, More, More, More! Ohhhhhh yes! Ohhhhh yes! Bigger, BIGGER!”
Lily had to rub her eyes at what she was seeing. Casey’s breasts looked like she had swallowed two giant party balloons; they were at least two feet across! “Uhhh, Casey, don’t you think that they’re big enough?” Lily asked as Casey had was involved with fondling her boobs. “Oh, oh, oh, OHHHHH YESSSSSSS!” Was the only response that came from Casey’s lips. Lily noticed that now Casey looked as though she had swallowed two huge beachballs. She also had noticed that Casey was lifting off of the floor.
“Bigger! I want my boobs to be bigger!” Casey screamed as her pussy got wet. The sensations of her boobs getting bigger made her willing to climax, it was as if she were having passionate sex with the hottest guy in the world. Wave after never-ending wave of pleasure went through her body as she left the ground and puddle behind her. “Ohhhhhhhhh! Please make me bigger!” She screamed as another shower of her fluids came to the floor.
Lily looked at the living room. Casey’s house was a fortunate four story house, and she had plenty of room left to grow in and watched as her best friend made her way to the ceiling. ‘Oh man if I don’t stop her Casey will float away!’ Lily thought. She turned and ran to the hall closet to find a long strand of ribbon. “Don’t worry Casey! I’m coming!” Lily cried as she ran back to the living room.
When she got back she gasped. ‘Damn that’s a good twenty feet! I can’t jump that high!’ Lily was right however. Casey’s boobs may have stopped growing as small weather balloons, but she still was flying away. Lily looked for some way to get to Casey until ran her hand down her back side and found an air plug. “Well it’s about time I found this thing!” Lily said, “Now all I have to do is just tie this ribbon to something secure, aha!”
Lily seen the under side of the couch. “Don’t worry Casey I’ll get you down!” She called out, tying the cord to the couch leg. After doing so, and facing a continuous stream of orgasms, Lily attached an air hose to the inflation nozzle and planted it firmly in the air plug. Smiling a bit Lily turned the tank on and felt a rush of air.
It wasn’t what she expected either. It wasn’t just the suit that was inflating, it was her. Lily watched as her belly started the inflation making her look a little pudgy at first, but then it steadily got bigger and more sensitive within a couple of seconds she was off the ground. Her Boobs looked and felt like party balloons, and were getting bigger. Her belly matched their size and started to rapidly expand. Within a minute Lily caught up to Casey and tied her ankle firmly with the ribbon
Casey was still in a state of euphoria when Lily had tied her ankle off. Before she had the time to get any higher she was tugged back down by the weight of the couch. Lily smiled as her ballooning body got even bigger. ‘Crap, I gotta get this hose outta me before I explode!’ Lily moved her hand to the air plug and grabbed the air hose. “Gotcha!” She exclaimed and tried to pull it out. Her belly continued to get bigger, and reached weather balloon size, her boobs almost the same size. Her Body squeaked and groaned as she struggled with the hose. “Come on, Come on! Why wont you come out?!” Lily said in a panicked voice. While her left arm was fiddling with the hose, her right hand snapped in place. Lily tried to bend it but, couldn’t. “Crap! Any longer and I’ll pop!” She cried as her legs and left arm tried to snap to attention. Just as her left arm snapped to attention Lily screamed as her body was slowly becoming spherical. “Gonna pop, gonna pop, GONNA POP!” There was a loud groan as her entire body disappeared into the sphere then….
BANG!!!

The explosion snapped Casey back to reality to see pink shards of rubber drift silently to the ground. “Lily? LILY! No, no, no, no, poor poor Lily.” Casey said miserably as she drifted to the ground. “Why am I going down?” She asked aloud as she touched her boobs and listened for leaks. “No leaks, then why…” She was cut off as she stopped drifting downward. “Hey Miss Blimp boobs, what are you crying for?” Someone shouted behind her. “Lily! Lily is that you?” Casey asked as Lily squeezed in between her gargantuan breasts.
“Yes silly it’s me.” Lily said as they bounced up in the air then down again.
“How did you…” Casey began as Lily shushed her. “You see the cat suit ejected me right before it popped giving me enough force to leap over and grab your leg. It’s a good thing that the explosion woke you up; I was drowning under your legs!” Casey smiled as her best friend removed herself from in between her boobs. “What are you doing now?” Casey asked as Lily went to the bathroom. When she came back Lily grinned. “Looks like its wearing off.”
They both watched as Casey’s boobs shrank to the size of the store keepers and stayed there. There was a loud “PFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTT!” and all of the rest of the air inside Casey left her butt. Lily grinned and looked at what was left of the cat suit and noticed that the tank had somehow shut itself off.
“That’s odd.” Lily commented looking at the regulator, “It says that it’s still full when I wasted half of the tank just getting to you.” Casey turned as her new breasts squeaked as she did so. “Is that so?” Casey asked walking over looking at the regulator. “You’re right that is odd.”
They remained silent for a while as they cleaned up Casey’s orgasmic mess. “Well that’s forty dollars down the drain.” Lily said as Casey finished scrubbing down the couch cushions. There was a loud buzz from the laundry room signaling that their laundry was done. “I’ll get it.” Casey said as she ran to the dryer, her boobs continuously squeaking as they moved. ‘Casey your one-in a million.’ Lily thought she put all of the pieces of her catsuit together. She marveled as they came together when she put the air plug in the bag with the rest of the other pieces. She pulled a good as new suit out of the bag and grinned as Casey came back from the laundry room.
Meanwhile Outside, Casey’s Neighbor Allen sat and reviewed the whole spectacle on his video camera. “Oooooh Traci’s gonna love this!” He chortled as he uploaded the whole video to his computer. “Come tomorrow, you’ll be known as the Amazing Blimperella!” Allen laughed as he climbed into bed and turned the lights off.
.
.
.
.
.
STAY TUNED

hfilled

Really liked it!! Hope to see more...

Inflate123
Inflate123's picture

Well, there are some basics to bring up:

- Randomly capitalized words like By and Boobs and Bus do interrupt the flow.

- Some of the commas should probably be colons, semi-colons, or M-dashes ("Traci had it all, she had looks, her hair was long and as blond as the sunshine, she had eyes as blue as sky itself." vs "Traci had it all: she had looks, her hair was long and as blond as the sunshine, and she had eyes as blue as sky itself.")

- There's also some missing punctuation that would help flow if it was restored ("Hey princess no boobs!” VS "Hey, Princess No-Boobs!").

- If you add attribution to a quote, you should replace the period with a comma. (“Take care now dear. I hope to see you again.” She said releasing her. vs “Take care now, dear. I hope to see you again,” the woman said, releasing Casey.)

- "She screamed as another shower of her fluids came to the floor." Um, eew. Do we need to know about her fluids to enjoy the inflation? Consider how much you really need to explain, and how much the audience really needs to know.

I like the setup, I like the multiple girls inflating in different ways, and I like the idea that this may become a series. But clamp down some of those basics before you release part two, and I think you'll be better off.

doubleintegral
doubleintegral's picture

All of your points are valid, except:

Inflate123 wrote:
- "She screamed as another shower of her fluids came to the floor." Um, eew. Do we need to know about her fluids to enjoy the inflation? Consider how much you really need to explain, and how much the audience really needs to know.

The guy's writing a story about stuff he likes about inflation. Not to mention the fact that this site's story archive has numerous stories that make similar references. If he wanted to include it, why would that be a problem?

Inflate123
Inflate123's picture
doubleintegral wrote:
All of your points are valid, except:
Inflate123 wrote:
- "She screamed as another shower of her fluids came to the floor." Um, eew. Do we need to know about her fluids to enjoy the inflation? Consider how much you really need to explain, and how much the audience really needs to know.

The guy's writing a story about stuff he likes about inflation. Not to mention the fact that this site's story archive has numerous stories that make similar references. If he wanted to include it, why would that be a problem?

My comment is entirely subjective. Please also note that I said "consider this point when telling your story," not "don't do this." This was intentional on my part.

I'm reading what he's writing; are you reading what I'm writing? :)

Also, please don't take my silence about other stories in the archive that use more graphic imagery as some sort of tacit endorsement. Those authors did not ask for constructive feedback from the community.

doubleintegral
doubleintegral's picture
Inflate123 wrote:
Please also note that I said "consider this point when telling your story," not "don't do this."

"Don't do this" was pretty heavily implied, especially in the context of a "basic" list of thou-shalt-nots that mostly centered around improving punctuation. Whether intended or not, it came across to me as, "Nobody likes squirting, so take it out."

Furthermore, don't we generally encourage new writers to write what they want to write?

Quote:
Also, please don't take my silence about other stories in the archive that use more graphic imagery as some sort of tacit endorsement. Those authors did not ask for constructive feedback from the community.

Fair point, but I don't think the comment in question really counts as constructive criticism.

degausser

Decent Idea, and I'm always a sucker for floating, but if your looking for some constructive critisism, I've got something for you.

The big problem I noticed was something that a lot of amature writers have problems with, and that is the idea of perspective. As limiting as it sounds, when writing one story, you need to stick to one perspective and stick to it. The perspectives are as follows.

1) First person. Commonly refered to as the "I" style. "I.e. I inflated and left the ground."

2) Second person. Style of choose-your-own adventure books. You inflate and feel yourself leave the ground.

3) Third person-Omnicient. This style knows everything about everyone, but tends to be detatched. "Sally felt herself start to leave the ground, as Sue looked on.)

4) Third person-Limited. Most stories are from this perspective. If this were a videogame, Third person limited would Resident Evil 4, the 'camera' is hovering right behind our protagonist. We can see, hear, and smell what our one protagonist sees, but we are viewing from the protagonist and cannot see from anyone else's perspective. "Sue watches as Sally lifted off the ground. Sally looked like she was in some state of delirious ecstasy"

Now, your story is mostly third person limited, but sometimes breaks from one girl to the other, and it makes the flow unnatural. Make sure when you write that you know whom the camera is 'following,' and if you want to shift between the two, you are going to need a stylistic break, (like a seperating line as follows:
---------------------------------------)

Sorry, I'm trying not to be rude, I'm and English major, and even I did this when I started out. Just try to remember this when your writing, and you won't loose your readers.

Inflate123
Inflate123's picture
doubleintegral wrote:
Inflate123 wrote:
Please also note that I said "consider this point when telling your story," not "don't do this."

"Don't do this" was pretty heavily implied, especially in the context of a "basic" list of thou-shalt-nots that mostly centered around improving punctuation. Whether intended or not, it came across to me as, "Nobody likes squirting, so take it out."

Then I'm sorry, but you've read it wrong, and I don't think you read my clarification correctly either. My subjective feedback was a mix of personal reactions with professional suggestions.

All I can say, really.

uhcm

Hmm... I'm an erotic writer of inflation. I skimmed through it and for the storyline; It's a good start for a beginner. A little improvements will do best, I recommend learning from other inflation writers so you have more ideas later on. I'm not telling ya to change your ways, I was suggesting learning more ways and techniques so you have more and easier selections to choose from.

http://www.uhcm.deviantart.com/
MSN: unholycameraman@live.com
YIM: unholycameraman@yahoo.com
Myspace: myspace.com/jacquelynalice09
IMVU: JacquelynAlice09

thegassyshadow

Thank you all so much for your assistance I know that it was kinda bad but, it was my first story to post and I really wasnt expecting this much feedback.

I cant wait to start the next chapter in the series because I prefer to write over draw. Also It's not just that, I really suck at drawing when it comes to this. I take all of these ideas and push forward in the next of a hopefully six part series.

I have an idea between the main character and her rival but I was hoping for a kinda good versus evil type of series. I hope for some more feedback!!!!

I am the spreader of chaos, the evil that haunts the darkest corners of the human mind I'm the... PFFFFFT!!!!!! Crap, I ripped a big one.

Inflate123
Inflate123's picture
thegassyshadow wrote:
I cant wait to start the next chapter in the series because I prefer to write over draw. Also It's not just that, I really suck at drawing when it comes to this. I take all of these ideas and push forward in the next of a hopefully six part series.

It's cool that you have a plan. And hey, if writing feels right, do it -- pictures and words are both totally valid. :)

lopnesh
lopnesh's picture

I really liked the way Lily approached to popping - and popped!

And then, she is alive - so she can pop again! Very much looking forward to it!

(I recall one of AD&D sessions:
- What are you going to do?
- We are going to find and kill Drakula!
- But he is immortal!
- Then we'll kill him every time we'll find him.)

Very much looking forward to your second!

When God created time, He created enough of it!

thegassyshadow
lopnesh wrote:
I really liked the way Lily approached to popping - and popped!

And then, she is alive - so she can pop again! Very much looking forward to it!

(I recall one of AD&D sessions
- What are you going to do?
- We are going to find and kill Drakula!
- But he is immortal!
- Then we'll kill him every time we'll find him.)

Very much looking forward to your second!

I will have this one revised along with the second edition in the main story archive. Thanx for the complement!!!!!

I am the spreader of chaos, the evil that haunts the darkest corners of the human mind I'm the... PFFFFFT!!!!!! Crap, I ripped a big one.

lopnesh
lopnesh's picture

Oh no, please don't revise. Write something new, write a second one.

Editions don't work. Pleeeease don't go there - it will take forever to revise and in the end both you and me will have only one your story, no matter how polished.

Well, that was a wish. You do what you feel right. I just hope I don't pop in waiting. ;)

When God created time, He created enough of it!

thegassyshadow

Oh dont worry about the revisions. The people here have helped me to se the flaws that were in it and I have already refined it. Also, I am still looking for some kind of feedback on the next chapter of my epic...

Sorry, just a little impatient here...

I am the spreader of chaos, the evil that haunts the darkest corners of the human mind I'm the... PFFFFFT!!!!!! Crap, I ripped a big one.