This story i have re read. I sat down an re wrote it which was my plan for a while.
Just didn't get the time til recently. However it has been redone and submitted.
Only time will tell thatnk you guys for your patience and fair comments
An unedited story, just looking for feedback
Fri, 05/29/2009 - 20:15
#1
TraineeInflator
An unedited story, just looking for feedback
Fri, 05/29/2009 - 23:02
#3
interesant.
Wed, 06/24/2009 - 21:32
#4
Very, very hot. It's good stuff.
Thu, 06/25/2009 - 00:05
#5
blowup_boy
Loved it, great work! ^__^
Thu, 06/25/2009 - 02:45
#6
airtankgirl5
Um...spend some more time with it, really.
Fri, 06/26/2009 - 00:29
#7
Keeper
Good concept, OK delivery. I have two words: spell check. Fixing the spelling and grammar will make it much easier to read.
Fri, 06/26/2009 - 07:14
#8
TraineeInflator
Lol, yh i realised that as i actually made the edited version. Not sure what to do with it now though...
Sat, 06/27/2009 - 13:09
#9
Inflate123
Grammatically it's a shambles; it's very hard to read with all the misplaced quotation marks, missing periods, awkward syntax, and orphaned letters. It's more than just a spell check; it needs a proofread.
The ideas are there, but this really needs to be rewritten line by line.
Sat, 06/27/2009 - 15:40
#10
Inflate123 wrote:
Grammatically it's a shambles; it's very hard to read with all the misplaced quotation marks, missing periods, awkward syntax, and orphaned letters. It's more than just a spell check; it needs a proofread.The ideas are there, but this really needs to be rewritten line by line.
Seconded.
I like, nice story :D