hello

Either that or robospam.

Hmm. Michelle goes into a sushi bar and orders fugu. Little does she realise it's been genetically modified to make it non-toxic, but in the process a retrovirus was introduced which infects her with fugu DNA. She goes home, gets ill with a flu-like illness. After a couple of weeks, she's well enough to get out of bed again and she gets in the shower, little realising that her genes now contain fugu - also known as pufferfish - DNA.

The unexpected heat of the shower startles her. She gasps, then something else happens. A hiccup starts, pulling a gulp of air into her stomach. Then she realises it isn't actually a hiccup, but something else, because it just goes on and on, drawing ever more air into her stomach. Her belly swells enormously. After only five seconds, she looks heavily pregnant. Then her body starts to pump the air in her belly into the new chambers under her skin and her whole body blows up like a balloon.

Half a minute has passed. She is now a huge beachball of a woman, wedged in the shower. Silently, for in her vastly bloated and helpless state that's all she can manages, she wishes she'd gone to a sushi bar on the west side instead.

Brilliant.