Fixed
Wish series
Update. Total of four parts released today.
1. Wish.
2. Two for a secret.
3. In my shoes.
4. Size does matter.
Inflatable girls, now they exceed inflatable guys in quantity. And actually some inflation, not huge, but quite erotic.
Last but not the least: grammar much better now.
I'm sure your stories are great, but I can't get through them. You really need an editor. The scenarios themselves look good, but the speech is unnatural and the text is not well written. I have to go back a couple times to get exactly what is going on.
Alice thought about what she wanted to say. "This is an example of how to write dialogue," she informed Bob. "The words that I speak are enclosed in double quotation marks. This is the standard format used in all English writing."
"Oh really?" replied Bob. "I think I understand. Whenever I say something, it gets a double quotation mark at the beginning and at the end."
"Yes, that's right!" Alice responded. "And, to make it clear who is speaking, the author indicates who is talking -- outside of the quotation marks, of course -- and also follows a very important convention."
"What's that?" asked Bob.
Alice replied, "Only one person speaks in each paragraph. When the speaker changes, the author starts a new paragraph."
"How does the author denote paragraphs?" inquired Bob.
Alice smiled helpfully. "There are two ways. The first is to press return once, bringing the cursor to the beginning of the next line, and then indenting with the tab key. This form is usually found in print media, like books and newspapers, because it saves space. In electronic media, and also in business letters, where cost is less important, it's more common to write in block form. This author is using block form, and you can see that he has left a single blank line in between paragraphs. Block form is easier to read, but takes up more space."
"I think I understand," Bob responded. "Thanks for clearing that up!"
"You're welcome," answered Alice. "Following these conventions makes it easier for everyone to read what is written."
Okay, that makes sense, I'll rewrite dialogs.
The standard I'm using is common for some other languages (i.e. Russian)
- speach of A.
- speach of B
- speach of A
et.c.
Looks like it hurts eyes, also makes unclear who is the speaker.
By the way, I'm almost sure dialogs are not the only problem.
I've rewritten all 4 stories in "Wish". This took time, though, I hope, quality improved really.
Not only dialogs, but more descriptions and details.
Please take a look.
I'll probably check that out.
Hi.
fifth part released http://bodyinflation.org/index.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=2072
Done 6th part. Called (inf) late night.
This one is a part of general plot, but can be read as stand alone story, as it features lots of erotic and inflation. Enjoy.
Added 7th story, plus minor edits in older ones.
British scientists confirm: 5x sexier then before!
404'd
xx