Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

A squeaky, floaty, body inflation short story - my latest. 

I've been working to improve my story telling technique.  I'm not fishing for compliments - honest.  If you are able to take the time, I would appreciate any criticism about any aspect of the story. 

vopeviji

Hi, first of all, I'm a big fan of your work!

I can't really tell anything wrong about this particular story, because this one I think is your best so far!

Anyway, for the feedback part. This story just sort of "suddenly ended" I was reading anxcious on ahead as I wanted to what happened next, and before I knew it, "The end." Personally, that was bit of a downer for me. Allthough, this is just my personal feelings

Anyway, storywise this is really good writing. Hope you keep up the good work!

 

Vope~

SvenS
SvenS's picture

Thanks for taking the time to reply and thank-you for reading and being a fan!  I usually write my stories with an eye on continuing them later, but try to wrap them up the best that I can as a standalone story in case I never write a sequel.  In this one, I finished it up with a reference to HeliumGirl77's stories and by simultaneously pulling it into my Party Favors/Letting Go "series".  If you're not familiar with Jane's stories (make yourself so!) then I could see how what was written as a form of cliffhanger would be a little abrupt.  Heh - always leave 'em wanting more!

 

And, yes, I'm continuing the Volunteer series.  Maybe this one, too.