Spa, The

Natalie wasn't the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but she was a freakishly talented masseuse. Her massages could reduce the most tightly wound person to an almost coma-like state of relaxation. Which is where I was right now. Flat on my back, lying naked on a massage table. Natalie's strong yet supple hands kneaded the last iota of tension out of my head and neck.

Natalie whispered in my right ear, almost apologetically, "All done. Time to get up. Easy, though. Don't move too fast."

With a reluctant sigh, I slowly opened my eyelids. I rolled slightly to my right and propped myself up on my right elbow. Relaxed as I was, this seemed to take considerable effort. Natalie smiled. She moved behind me, gently cradled my neck and back with her hands, and helped me sit up. I swung my legs so they were hanging off the side of the table. Natalie went to fetch my robe.

She helped me put on the soft cotton robe and led me over to a large reclining leather chair. Two large green oxygen bottles flanked each side of it. I sat down on the chair and stretched out. I curiously studied the oxygen bottle next to me. Each bottle had a hose running from it, to some sort of small mechanical device. Another hose led out of the device and ended attached to a mask. What were these things doing here?

As if reading my mind, Natalie explained: "This is something new we're trying. After the massage we have you breath pure oxygen for awhile. It helps purge the remaining toxins out of your body, and it perks you up a bit too. That way you leave here refreshed, but not logy."

"Sounds good to me," I grinned lazily. "Hook me up sweetie."

Natalie looked at the bottles and scrunched her face up in an expression of profound deep thought. Or what passed for deep thought in her shambolic mind. "Let's see, Maggie said I should use...the left one?" She grabbed the mask that was hanging to my left. She gently placed it over my nose and mouth, and carefully stretched the elastic strap over my head. "Its not too tight is it? It should be snug, but not tight." I gave her a little thumbs-up to let her know it was just right. "Okie-dokie, now we just crack open the valve a little..." a soft hissing sound came from the tank. Cool, dry oxygen flowed into me. Natalie leaned over to me. "Are you getting any oxygen?" she asked. I gave her a short nod to confirm I was.

She patted me on the arm and smiled. "Good. You just rest awhile. I'll be back later to check up on you." She turned and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I felt sooo good and sooo relaxed. I drifted off into a light snooze...

An odd pressure inside my chest awakened me. How long had I been asleep? I opened my eyes and was surprised to find myself staring at two enormous fleshy orbs that had blossomed out of my robe. Were those...were those my boobs??? I tried to grab them with my hands, but couldn't. My arms, which had previously been laying in my lap, now stuck straight out of my sides. The loose sleeves of the robe were now stretched tightly around my arms. They looked four times their normal circumference. I tried to bend them, but the skin was stretched so tight this proved impossible. I tried to sit up, but my whole body had gone rigid. What was happening to me???

A stretchy squeeking noise made me look to my front again. I could actually see my flesh stretch as my boobs expanded. It had to be the oxygen! It was inflating me like a balloon! I had to get this mask off of me! But my arms wouldn't bend enough so I could pull off the mask. The oxygen bottle was tantalizingly close to my left hand. Maybe I could yank the hose from the nozzle. I tried to grasp the hose with my hand, but my now puffy fingers refused to clentch. After a few more awkward lunges I managed to hook the hose between my index finger and thumb. Okay, hopefully that will work, I thought. I tried to twist to the right as much as my stiff, inflated body would allow. The hose remained stubbornly attached, but the oxygen cylinder rocked crazily. It wasn't secured to anything. It tilted towards the recliner, paused for just a second at an impossible angle, and then continued it's forward motion. The valve handle on top of the cylinder smacked into the recliner and spun further open as the cylinder fell to the floor.

The soft hissing sound from the tank grew into a loud roar. A greater volume of oxygen rushed into me. I could feel my tummy and butt start to expand to accomodate the increased flow. "Help!" I shrieked. "Help! Natalie! Somebody! I'm...I'm blowing up! Oh God, somebody please help me!"

My ill thought out plan caused me to inflate rapidly. My torso quickly became round and grew at an alarming rate. It relentlessly incorporated my limbs into it's expanding volume. The sleeves on my robe split at the seams and fell away from me. I felt myself expand up and away from the chair. I flapped my hands and feet in a futile gesture, as if that would stop what was happening to me.

The door opened and I heard Natalie's chirpy voice say, "So how are you...EEEEKKKK! OH MY GAWWWDDD!"

"Natalie!" I screamed, "Get this thing off of me! Natalie? NATALIE!" The soft pitter-patter of feet told me Natalie was beating a hasty retreat back down the hall. "YOU DIZZY BITCH! COME BACK HERE!" I yelled.

My body made ominous creaking, groaning noises as it grew. Soon my neck merged with my globe-like body, my chin now resting on top of my ever inflating flesh. My impossibly stretched skin was as taught as a snare drum. I realized that if the cylinder didn't run out of oxygen soon, I was going to pop!

Soon I heard another voice coming down the hall. It belonged to Maggie, the owner of the spa. "Natalie! Stop babbling! You're not making any sense! What do you mean she's..." Her sudden gasp let me know she had entered the room. This time I heard urgent footsteps, followed by the metallic squeaking sounds of an oxygen valve being shut. Thank God, somebody with a brain has finally showed up, I thought.

Maggie started to scold Natalie. "I told you not to use this one! The regulator is broke! It won't allow people to exhale!"

"But you told me to use the one on the left," Natalie pouted.

Maggie let out a long, exasperated sigh. "Not her left. Your left. As you are looking at it."

"Oh," Natalie said simply.

I felt a hand patting the side of my enormously round body. "Lisa? Honey? Can you hear me?" Maggie asked.

"Of course I can," I said, sharply.

I felt a finger poking me. "Ooooohhhh, she's like a big beachball," Natalie said in wonder.

"Natalie! Stop that!" snapped Maggie. "Lisa? I'm so sorry. Don't worry, we'll fix this. You'll be as good as new, I swear!"

"I damn well better be," I growled.

"Natalie, I'll be back in a bit. Close the door and don't let anyone in here but me, understand?"

"Yes, Maggie. I swear I didn't mean to..."

Maggie cut her off. "We'll talk about this later. Lisa? I'll be back in a jiff. You're gonna be OK."

I heard the door shut. Now there was just me and Natalie left in the room. My previous panic had subsided, now that I knew I wasn't going to explode. My tight skin felt all tingly for some reason. Pleasantly tingly.

"Lisa? Um...sorry, okay? Please don't be mad at me. I didn't know something like this could happen. I mean, how could I?"

Its hard to stay angry at an innocent free spirit like Natalie. She may be ditzy, but she's incapable of malice or ill-will. "Its alright, Natalie. I know you didn't do this on purpose." Strangely, my post-massage warm and fuzzy feeling was returning. Only it had an odd, effervescent undercurrent to it. I couldn't believe it. Was I starting to enjoy being a human balloon? These peculiar feelings started to coalesce into a familiar sensation. Like...like I was on the cusp of a powerful climax. Teetering on the edge, but not quite going over. "Oh, my..."

Unfortunately, Maggie returned before I could explore these wonderful feelings further. Her solution to this problem was to connect a vacuum pump to...*ahem*...a very private part of my anatomy. Slowly I began to deflate. I worried that I would end up covered in stretch marks, but happily that didn't happen. As Maggie had promised, I returned to my normal self. Although I was glad to be back, part of me missed being a Lisa-balloon.

I got dressed and Maggie ushered me back to the lobby, bombarding me with profuse apologies the entire way. She refunded my money, and then gave me coupons for free spa treatments.

I fixed Maggie with a withering stare. "Maggie, there's only one way in hell I'll ever come back here," I said icily. Maggie gulped.

I paused and slowly smiled. "Get me a bigger room...and replace the oxygen with helium."