The wetsuit part 1

Abby who was a 16 year old female was heading down to the beach to true out her new wetsuit. "man this suit is real comfortable I wish I would never get out of this suit" she said. She walked across the golden sand when she came across a sign that said sauna. "a sauna I should warm up in there for a little". Abby walked to the sauna where the steam was warm. "ahhhh relive" she wispered. She was in the sauna when she began to feel sweaty inside her suit. "well time to hit the water" she said. As she reache for the door the sauna just got really hot. She got out to feel the cold breeze hit her in the face. As she ran towards the water her golden hair breezed around her face. She hit the waters and swam to the beaches limit. "I bet mooned will notice if I go out a fee more feet",she tought. So she swam out past the limits. By noon she saw the life guards chair only to be the size of a pea. Suddenly her suit began to swell."What's going on what's hhhaappening to by suit what the shit " she screamed as her sit began to inflate more and she became less mobilized. She began to float in the waters and wasn't going anywhere. By the time her suit stopped inflating her suit was 30 feet in diameter."I hope no f___ing crab or something comes and decides to grab my suit because I will be pissed"Abby said. "besides Im not going swim back to the beach." just then she felt something touching her hand."please don't be a crab or anything sharp"pleaded Abby. All if a sudden she couldn't feel her bottoms touching her any more when she heard hissing coming from her butt."nowy bottoms are inflating no stop". Her bottoms just kept inflating when suddenly it stopped when her butt looked like it was 40 feet in diameter."great now my ass is huge my bottoms are huge". Abby said horrified. Then suddenly her boyfriend comes up with a air hose coming from his boat. "look what I've got here my girlfriend ", he said. "Dan deflate me now please".pleaded Abby. "ok I will!!!!!"said Dan sacastarly when he pulled up a pin. " wa... No don't please stop Dan no", cried Abby but Dan plopped the pin where her inflated bottoms were and with a loud hiss she began to get smaller but began filling with water. "My beutiful bathing suit and wetsuit"cried Abby. Finally Dan pulled Abby onto his boat and gave her a new wetsuit and new bottoms.

ImsoLost

Paragraphs, this story needs them.

doubleintegral
doubleintegral's picture

And spelling, and grammar, and punctuation, and...

airtankgirl5
airtankgirl5's picture

This guy just kills me.

 

Please stop.

 

BTBLL
BTBLL's picture

His writing gives me a headache

throwaway261

I'm going to clarify everyone's criticisms so far.  We recently had a little bad-mouthing going on on another inflation fetish site due to harsh criticisms and I'm hoping to keep potential writers here.

Here's your problem: you can't learn to walk until you first crawl.  People on this site take their writing very seriously, and would never post a rough draft that they thought contained spelling errors, let alone rough notes with no gramatical structure.

First off, appologies if English is not your first language, but your written English is poor.  You are writing like a grade schooler who has mastered one or two of the basics but not all of them.  Formatting is very important.  The less people are noticing strange sentence and paragraph structure, mispellings, and the like, the more they are focusing on the image you are trying to paint in their minds.

The first, and probably easiest, thing that you could do to make this much more readable is to split it up into paragraphs.  Each separate idea and/or speaker's voice gets its own paragraph.  This prepares the reader for a shift into another setting or to another person's point of view.

Formerly known as unknown.

slashkamei

Yeah...this story needs a lot of work...