Big II: Too Big

or, “If Hollywood Had Done the Film Right”

Brian Little was a small man. Small in size, small in status, and--according to his ex-girlfriend Amanda--small in the sack. As he walked along the boardwalk, he bemoaned his being dumped by her, cursing his luck in general. And then his eye caught a wish-making machine. They were usually worked by mannequins of old gypsy ladies, but this was a little more high tech, with a holographic image of a busty brunette gypsy, hence Brian's attraction. He smiled, thinking of how Tom Hanks got his wish in the film "Big." He shrugged, put a quarter in the slot, and made a wish.

"I wish I was big."

Nothing happened, of course. It was, after all, a stinkin' amusement device. He scoffed and walked on, reflecting on the injustice that is life.

And then he got big.

True to form, his wish didn't come true as he had expected. Not being specific as to HOW he would get big... he inflated like a balloon.

His body puffed up, making him look not unlike the Pillsbury Doughboy, and with a loud hissing sound, he swelled up even larger. Spectators might have concluded that Brian was wearing an inflatable suit that got out of control, but no: His body was expanding like rubber.

It took a moment to get over the initial shock; and Brian began to curse his luck again. He meant "taller," you stupid machine! Maybe he shouldn't have lifted the quote directly from the film. But then... he noticed that he was, in fact, a few feet higher off the ground--not much, but noticeably so. A thin smile crept upon his face, which became broader and broader.

"I wish I was bigger!"

And just like that--whoosh! His body inflated again, pushing his head higher and higher into the air as his body grew outward in every direction, inflating and inflating until he had reached the size of a weather balloon.

"I wish I was bigger!"

Puffffffffffff...!! With a surge of air, his pudgy body expanded further, puffing up until he was the size of a hot-air balloon in a Thanksgiving parade.

"I wish I was bigger!"

And he grew and grew and grew, puffing and squeaking noisily as his size increased, swelling and swelling until he was the size of a blimp. He was now a giant, if an extremely puffy one, and he knew that now he was no longer a little man. He... was... BIG.

He took a few steps, his stubby legs and swollen midsection causing him to take long, deliberate steps. It looked like an arrogant swagger--and perhaps it was--but he was so inflated that he could not walk any other way.

He knocked down lampposts, traffic lights, mailboxes, and other comparatively small objects as he made his way through the city, causing traffic pile-ups as cars slammed on their brakes to avoid hitting the giant, walking balloon--or avoid being stepped on. Not everyone got clear in time. It was like a scene out of "The Nutty Professor" or "Ghostbusters."

Amanda Mackey looked out her window to see the commotion. The tall, slender, platinum blonde bombshell stepped out onto the terrace of her apartment and looked out over the landscape. And her jaw dropped wide open when she saw her ex-boyfriend, Brian Little, waddling toward her apartment building, which was only slightly bigger than he was.

A car squished under Brian's feet as he waddled into the parking lot. He saw Amanda on her terrace, which was just under eye-level with him. "Amanda!" he called out to her. "Look at me! You still think I'm too small?!"

"Brian! Good God, how did you--what the hell--you're so big--you--Brian!"

"As usual, you talk more than you communicate," Brian quipped. "But if you must know, I just made a wish to that wish-machine on the boardwalk! Now look at me! Am I big enough for you now, Amanda? No, I don't think so. I think I'll be bigger than your apartment building!"

There was no reason for Amanda to doubt that he could do it, and she made a hasty exit from her apartment and down the emergency stairs.

Brian hardly noticed, calling out, "I wish I was bigger!!"

And bigger he got. Swelling, swelling, swelling outward, his globe-like waist stretching out further and further, dwarfing the parking lot beneath his growing girth. In less than a minute, he had inflated so big that his belly began pressing against the side of the apartment complex, windows shattering as his body pushed against the walls with increasing pressure.

Several stories below, Amanda burst through the emergency exit in time to see the front of the building begin to collapse under the force of Brian's body, which crashed through her apartment as it sought for--and obtained--more and more space with which to expand. In a matter of minutes, Brian's body had inflated so wide, the building was reduced to rubble... and his huge, spherical body now occupied the entire area where the building had been.

To Brian, people now looked like ants for him to squash. There were a few buildings still bigger than he was, but they wouldn't be for long.

"I wish I was BIGGER!!"

And by the time the National Guard arrived, Brian Little was the size of a mountain. And he was by far the biggest thing in city. More buildings crumbled and fell in his wake. People ran helplessly away from the balloon that threatened to engulf the entire city. As soon as his inflation stopped, they could hear him say, "I wish I was bigger! And bigger!! AND BIGGER!!!" And the inflation, and subsequent destruction, would increase and increase.

The authorities stood by, though they remained a good distance from the suburbs that Brian had just completely consumed by his expansion. "He'll be bigger than the whole city soon!" said General Grant, looking at a force he was never trained to fight: A human balloon.

At that moment, a guard escorted Amanda to the front lines. "This is Amanda Mackey, sir," the guard explained. "She's the, uh, enemy's ex-girlfriend."

"How is he doing that? And how do we stop him?" the general asked her.

Amanda just smiled devilishly. "Well, general, I found the wish-making machine he used to get bigger. So I made a wish of my own."

The general looked at her strangely. "Yeah? It doesn't seem to be working. Your lover-boy's still the size of a small planet!"

"Oh, I didn't wish him to get smaller," Amanda said, smirking.

"Then, uh, just what DID you wish for?"

She began sauntering away, allowing the general to check out her snug-fitting jeans from behind. "Just continue with the evacuation, general," she said. Then she stopped and turned around. "Oh! And, uh, you might want to get some ear plugs."

Amanda walked quickly to her car, and as she opened the door, she heard the words she was waiting for, the words she shelled out an entire quarter to hear:

"I WISH I WAS BIGGER!!"

Brian shouted out the words for the whole city to hear. Everyone was going to know that Brian was the biggest person who ever lived--the world's greatest balloon ever. And he got his wish... unknowingly fulfilling Amanda's wish, as well.

Because Brian inflated faster than he had ever had before, his flesh billowing outward as he expanded faster, faster, faster! Getting bigger, bigger, BIGGER! His inflation was more intense than he expected, more than he ever dreamed. His body blew up and out, growing so large that the city was quickly a spot beneath him. Brian could no longer see anything but clouds above him and expanding flesh under him. He didn't know why he was inflating so big so fast, and he didn't care. He wanted to get bigger. He LOVED getting bigger! He was bigger than he ever imagined he could be--and he knew that he might never stop getting bigger, as long as he didn't wish himself to pop. And, of course, he wouldn't do that...

...but Amanda would. She looked over her shoulder, heading out of town as the expanding globe dwarfed over her former hometown. Seeing just how big Brian was getting--she could no longer tell for sure, because his body filled the horizon--she slammed on the gas.

Brian was blissfully unaware of this. He was aware of nothing but his inflation. He smiled as he got bigger and bigger, reaching the stratosphere and beyond. When would his inflation stop? he wondered. Maybe it wouldn't. He would keep inflating, getting so huge that he would be bigger than an entire continent! His smile got wider, and so did his circumference. Bigger than a continent? More like bigger than the moon! Or... dare he say it? Dare he think it?...

He could be BIGGER THAN THE WHOLE WIDE WORL--

And the planet trembled as Brian Little, the world's biggest balloon, finally burst.