First Timer-Part 2.

I don’t know how long we laid there together, minutes perhaps, maybe hours. Who knows.

But all I knew was that it was the most incredible experience of my life. It was just such bliss. I could feel the soft tenderness of her skin pressed against mine, and I could feel how different it all felt now. Her skin had taken on a whole new texture now, it was now more firmer then before, has if it had been stretched tighter then before, more taught.

This tightness was every I could feel, EVERYWHERE! It was like someone had a thick piece of latex rubber and had stretched it tightly over a wide flat area. This, obviously, was all down to the pressure inside her, pushing outwards in all directions, against the softness of her skin.

And then there was the warmth too. I was surprised when I could feel how warm she was, and in truth it had never really occurred to me before now.

I thought about it for a while. When I first heard about how she could inflate like a balloon, in my mind I imagined that her body would take on the properties of a latex balloon-a simple, stretchy skin which expanded has more gas was inserted into it, and that inside (has it were) was just completely empty-just an empty vacuum waiting to be filled.

But has I happily thought about I began to realize that was simply not the case-the human body was a incredibly complex thing, right down to a microscopic level, right down to individual cells, and although I don’t know anything about the complexities of human physiology I couldn’t help but just lay there and marvel at how all this could have happened. I just thought and thought about how every minute level of her anatomy-no matter how minute-could have the power to ABSORB this gas into it’s very structure itself, almost down to individual cells too small to be seen.

Call it what you want, but to me it really was MAGIC, pure and simple!

I couldn’t help myself, I just gave in to the whole sensation of what was happening to me. Is this really happening? Is this some kind of dream?

And in that moment I just let myself GO! I couldn’t stop myself-I just simply REVELLED in the concept that this immense, seemingly endless area of beautiful, warm soft skin, this EXPANSE (for there was simply no other word to describe it) was actually PERSON!

EVERY tiny soft detail that I could pressing over every square inch of my body belonged to just ONE WOMAN! 

And I had seen it all HAPPEN! I had stood there and watched the whole TRANSFORMATION occur right before my eyes, right here, NOW, in the REAL WORLD!

Even though it was completely dark (for I still hadn’t opened my eyes yet, the only vision I could see was the blackness of the inside of my eyelids), and I could feel the cool, hard surface of the ceiling digging into the whole of the back of my body (from the heel of my feet to the back of my head), feel the cold hardness behind me and the warm, soft expanse infront of me, I NEVER wanted it to stop.

I just wanted to lie there forever, and forget about everything else in the world. I wanted to forget everyone and everything outside of that room, for in that one single moment in time it felt has if my whole world was right here-just this one small room, myself, and my beautiful bloated girl with me.

In that moment it felt like nothing else was of importance. 

Has I just laid there, I just completely surrendered myself to her, and let her beautiful swollen body just envelope me.

And such was the sense of peace and calm that came over me that my eyelids began to grow heavy, and has my strength began to flow away from me I blissfully surrendered myself to the most relaxing sleep that I have ever had….

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Then I became dimly aware of something. A noise, a faint knocking sound. It sounded muffled, mostly due to me being almost submerged in Helia’s immense flesh.

I just laid there still, listening, and after a few moments I heard it again, but this time slightly louder.

And has I listened I suddenly realised what it was-it was someone knocking at the door!

And the moment I realised that that’s when I heard a faint voice. With my head buried deep into Helia’s immense body-my head pinned, like the rest of my body, to the ceiling-the vast wall of flesh muffled the sounds coming from the door, and even though it was just feet away it sounded so far away.

I listened, my ears straining to hear the sound, and then I understood what was being said.

“Room service”.

I panicked. “Oh shit!” I thought. How the hell are we going to explain THIS?

I could see it all now-the hotel maid, thinking that no one was in, entering the room, switching on the light…

…and being confronted with a huge wall of bloated flesh, like an enormous beige weather balloon that has been wedged in tightly, it’s sides bulging has it was pressed tightly into the centre of the room, all the way to the ceiling.

What would she do? Would she scream and panic? Would she run out the room? Would she get the manager, and show him the sight of a naked woman blown up so big she’s now stuck in there, with her naked lover?

Calming myself, I tried to turn my head the other, feeling the cool hard ceiling scraping against the back of my head has I did, with some slight discomfort.

But that was the least of my worries-has I tried to twist my head my face became totally submerged in Helia’s warm skin. I couldn’t breath-with my eyes shut, I felt the soft, rubbery texture of her skin rubbing across my face, a feeling that I would never forget.

And in that moment I think Helia must have felt it too-in the darkness of my closed eyes, and with her immense belly pressed against me with such pressure, I must have tickled Helia, for in that moment I felt a very slight tremor, a slight shudder that seemed to ripple throughout her whole body. Through her soft rubber like skin I felt a small shudder from my face to my feet. 

After a moments struggle I managed to shift my head right round, and with my face free of her gigantic tummy I just laid there, gasping for air, sweat beginning to form on my face through the effort that it took to move my head.

But now things were slightly better. Although I was submerged in almost complete darkness (because Helia had blown up so big that her huge, bloated body obscured nearly all the light from the wall lamps) I could at least see SOME light-in the dimness my eyes could make out a thin sliver of yellowish light, light was being reflected of the white ceiling by the wall lamps that were not blocked out by her body.

I released that my head was now facing the door, and this time I heard the maid call out a bit more clearly.

Helia must have heard it too-at that point I felt another faint quiver ripple throughout her body, has if she, like me, was trying to get some kind of response.

Seeing my chance, I tried to call out to the maid, aiming my head towards the narrow gap between Helia and the ceiling where the light was reaching me. I called out has loud as I could, my voice croaked at first, but after clearing my throat, I called out again.

It’s okay, we don’t need room service, thank you”.

“I’m sorry sir?” she called out.

“I said, WE DON’T NEED ROOM SERVICE THANK YOU!”. I called out has loud as I could, and in the confines it sounded deafening in my ears.

Presumably, she heard me, because I heard nothing from her or the door after that.

I waited nervously a few moments, just in case she didn’t hear me, and once I was convinced that she was gone I closed my eyes and sighed with relief.

And then I turned my mind to the next big problem-Helia.

It was strange really-even though I was touching her, it still felt has if she was so far away. The fact that she had filled up nearly the entire room astounded me, and the idea that the entire area between us (which was probably just about 5 feet or so, from the top of the bed to the ceiling) was filled with her body made me reel.

Even has I thought about it, I could feel my dick getting warm and hard again, and could feel it pressing hard against her ballooned up body.

I tried shaking my head. “No!”, I said to myself. “No, not now, you’ve got work to do. You’ve got to sort this out”

Clearing my throat again, I called out to Helia through the gap. No answer.

I called out again, this time slightly louder, and has I strained my ears I could hear a faint murmur, followed by a soft faint groan and another ripple that shuddered through the skin against my body.

Feeling that she was giving some response, I called out to her once more, but this time I got no response at all. I waited, but nothing happened.

And then a thought suddenly hit me-what if she’s asleep? What if she’s unconscious or something? I could be stuck here forever!

“Calm down” I thought to myself. “Don’t be stupid. If she is asleep, she cant help you now, can she?"

I sighed. “I guess I’m going to have to do this by myself then…” I said to myself.

Seeing how I was still lying face down, I thought about how I was going to get out of here. Being pinned to the ceiling, unable to move, I thought about the best way to deflate her, just enough for me to move about.

I pushed the soles of my feet firmly against the ceiling, and very gently clutching hold of her flesh in my hands I began to slowly SQUEEZE, whilst pushing away from the ceiling with my legs.

At first nothing happened. I tried again, groaning with the strain, the muscles in my arms and legs becoming tense.

Has I began to push I suddenly heard something. It was so faint that at first I wasn’t even sure if I had actually heard it. I stopped suddenly, and in an instant it stopped to.

I waited a few moments listening for it (which gave my arms and legs a quick chance to relax), but I didn’t hear again.

I began pushing and squeezing again, and this time it started immediately. Has I pushed I listened, and it sounded like a very faint whistling sound, coming from somewhere in the room.

And then something began to happen. Has I squeezed and pushed I could feel the tightness in her skin begin to give, the stretchiness slowly becoming more softer, and then the cold hard surface of the ceiling behind me began to ease away from my back. I became aware that I was very slowly moving, and at that point I realized what was happening-Helia was deflating! 

With renewed hope, I pushed my now much freer legs behind me with all my strength, whilst squeezing and now slowly folding my arms with more force, doing everything I can to make sure I wasn’t hurting her in the process.

But it was working. With each passing moment I could feel the huge bulging mound of flesh under me loosing it’s tight firmness and becoming softer, I could actually feel the her huge ballooned up body underneath actually slowly shrinking smaller and smaller, her skin becoming less like stretched rubber and more like the soft body that it should be.

And I also become aware of another sensation-movement. Has she was slowly shrinking back down to size under me, my mind became aware that I was actually getting lower and lower, slowly descending away from the ceiling, heading closer to the bed and the floor.

Minutes passed, and has Helia began to shrink my vision slowly got use to the light that was getting brighter and brighter, as her swollen body took up less and less room. With more space to move now I turned my head and looked at the window…

…and then I noticed the sliver of bright light shining through. I looked up and stared at it-it was definitely daylight.

How long had we been like this? ALL NIGHT?

Had we fallen asleep or something, the pair of us?

I shook my head, and concentrated on my attempts to deflate her. The slight quivering and trembling that I felt earlier had been gone for a long time, and even at this close range I had heard nothing from Helia.

“She really must be asleep then” I thought calmly, and continued pushing.

Even though it had been less then a few minutes by my reckoning, in that time she had shrunk down so much that there was now at least a foot or two of space between myself and the ceiling, and being unable to keep my feet flat on the ceiling behind me I swung them down, and to my dismay they thumped hard against her, and even bounced gently against the latex-like texture of her skin.

I froze immediately, and laid there like a statue, my heart pounding. I listened nervously, worried that the kick down from my legs might have hurt her.

But all I heard was a slight groan from the bed below me, and relief came over me. That didn’t hurt her then.

To be honest I was quite relieved-it had been the first sound I heard from her in minutes, and in her smaller state it was louder too.

I wrapped my arms and legs around her big round body and carried on pushing and squeezing, happy that she was just asleep and that I could carry on with this without worrying her.

By now there was at least two foot from the ceiling, and taking a quick break I raised my head and looked around. I could now see all the walls, the window and even the tops of the doors to the bathroom and hallway. I could even see the tops of the wall lamps, and the light they now showed on me.

I laid there outstretched for a moment, catching my breath, and has I breathed I suddenly become aware of the faint high pitched whistling sound, which by now had become a kind of faint hissing sound, and in all my efforts I kind of forgot about.

Curious, I looked around, and saw that it was coming towards the top of the bed, from where Helia’s head would be if I could actually see from on top of this huge blown-up body of hers.

I looked in the direction of where her head would be, and listened to the faint hissing sound.

And then it suddenly occurred to me-the air! The air was escaping from her mouth! That air hose must have fallen out of her mouth at some point.

Smiling, I wrapped my arms and legs around her body and pushed with new vigour. I felt her skin shrinking under my body, and listened with joy has the hiss got louder with each new squeeze.

Minutes passed, and I continued to squeeze. Helia’s body shrank and shrank, and became less rounder by the minute, slowly taking on a more human shape with each passing moment.

Eventually, she had shrunk down so much that I could no longer stay on top of her, and carefully I moved myself off her and stood at the base of the bed. 

Has soon as I stood up my legs when numb and I nearly collapsed. I had been stuck up there for hours, and the lack of circulation and really given my legs cramp. I gingerly stepped down off the bed, and looked at her.

She no longer looked like a massive pink balloon. Now she looked like the worlds fattest woman lying there, her big round stomach pointing upwards like a big round weather balloon, her arms and legs like big round cones with hands and feet attached to them.

And then there were her breasts, which, although smaller then her huge weather-ballooned sized stomach, still looked like two big pink basket balls, with big nipples that were deep brown in colour. They were still pretty big, and were still so round and full of air that they were almost pointing straight up, covering her face.

Helia’s body had shrunk down so much that, although still severely bloated, it now only covered the area of the king-sized bed, thus now leaving me just enough room to shuffle around the side of it.

With my penis now fully erect, I shuffled up closer to her, and gently pushed her breast to one side with both my hands. Peeking over the top of it, I could now finally see her beautiful face.

She was asleep, her eyes closed, her face a picture of calm serenity. But her mouth was wide open, and I could (for the first time in ages) hear the hiss that was coming from her, emanating out of her throat. 

I watched transfixed. I had never seen anything like it. I leaned closer, and could actually hear hissing coming from inside her mouth. Still holding her massive breast aside, I looked back down at her body, and for the first time I actually noticed her deflating by herself-I looked closely, and I could actually see her shrinking centimetre by centimetre, all the while the hissing continued, at the same volume and pitch, ceaselessly. 

Holding her boob aside with one hand, I put my other hand infront of her mouth, and felt the air rushing out.

It was like putting your hand infront of a hairdryer blowing cold air. It felt great, and has I looked at her I suddenly had a great idea.

Never taking my eyes off her face, I gently pushed her enormous tit aside has far as it would go, and leaned in closer, the sound of the hissing getting louder the closer I got. I could feel the air blowing on my face, playing with my hair, like holding a hairdryer up to my face set on low. I exhaled all the air out of my lungs with a wheeze, and closing my eyes I slowly put my lips to hers and let the escaping hair fill my lungs.

It took just seconds. My cheeks caught taught and hard, and I could feel my lungs become hard, and then they started to hurt, like they were going to burst.

Still with my eyes closed, I hung on there, cheeks and lungs rock hard and burning, until I couldn’t take anymore. I yanked my head away and stood there gasping hard, my body trembling with excitement.

I looked back at her in wonderment. “Wow!” I wheezed, still trying to get my breath back. “So that’s what it feels like! Incredible”.

I waited a few moments, catching my breath, and watched her continue to deflate. By the time I had caught my breath (and steadied my excitement) I saw that she was almost back to normal. Her big tummy now looked like a massively pregnant woman, whilst her arms, legs and hips now looked like just a morbidly obese woman.

Even her breasts were coming back to there original shape-they had lost their roundness, and has the air drained out of them they began to droop back down onto her body, becoming less rigid and more softer then before, whilst even her big areola had shrunk in size has the stretchiness of her skin began to diminish.

I looked at the clock-it said 9:30 am. “Wow!” I thought to myself. “Have we really been there like that all night?”. It seemed amazing to think so.

By now Helia was pretty much the normal size for a young woman. I watched contently has the last of the air escaped her, and all traces of her bloating disappeared, the hiss coming from her mouth became a whisper, then silence has it stopped altogether.

And then it was all over. Helia was back to normal.

Helia moaned, and began to stir. Her head gently shifting, her eyes began to open, and she stretched her arms and neck.

Opening her eyes, she glanced round the room, and then looked at me.

“What time is it?” she asked, still quite sleepy.

“It’s 9:30, honey” I said, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

“9:30? We must have slept the whole night”.

“Yes”, I said. “We did”.

She rested her head back on the pillow….and then her expression changed has she began to remember. She looked down at her naked body and began gently feeling it all over, gently rubbing her now flat stomach and stroking her breast.

She looked up at me, alarmed. “What happened last night?”

Before I could answer, she said “No, wait, I remember now-you gave me this air canister, I put the hose in my mouth, and then….”

Looking down at her normal body, still with her left hand on her now-flat tummy, she suddenly looked up at me. Her cheeks were growing red, and I could sense the awkward embarrassment she must have been feeling.

“I…got…kinda big, didn’t I?” she said, rather sheepishly. 

“Yes, you did” I smiled back.

“Really big?” she asked me, cautiously.

Still smiling, I said gently to her “You were HUGE! You just completely blew up! It was amazing”

She closed her eyes and leant back on the pillow. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to get out of control like that”.

“Please, there’s nothing to be sorry about” I said, looking at her. “Truth is, I’ve never seen that before, it was amazing!”

“Really?”

“Really”.

Thinking, she looked at the side of the bed. Reaching down, she picked up the canister with one, which was now much lighter then before, the hose trailing on the floor.

Feeling it in her hand she looked up at me. “It’s empty”.

Still smiling at her, I nodded. “Hm-mm, you took the whole lot”

“The whole lot?” she said, surprised. She looked back down at it resting in her hand “Wow, I’ve never done that before, not like that…”

We got changed, Helia gathering her clothes that she left in the bathroom. Has I was putting on my tie I heard her suddenly say “Oh geez…”

“What is it?” I asked, turning around to look at her behind me.

She was standing there in her underwear and stockings, fiddling with her bra strap. She turned round to face me, and looking at her it took a moment to realise what was wrong.

“Look at THIS” she said, exasperated. 

She was wearing the same white bra that she had when we first entered the hotel…

…only this time it was too BIG. Much too big-it looked like she was wearing a small hammock, the space between her own chest and the bra being just so big, almost vast. She put her hands in the vacuum that was there now and pushed her bra out with her hands to emphasis the point.

“I’m too SMALL now!” she said, with frustration. “I’ve lost too much air, and I’ve actually shrunk!”

She removed her hands out of her now-oversized bra and let it hang loosely in front of her. She looked up at me with a wry smile, and gesturing to her breasts with her hands with a sigh said “You do know I’m going to have to pump these back up again when I get home, don’t you?”

I smiled, and walked over to her still halved dressed. Placing my hands on her shoulder, I looked deep into her eyes and said gently “Then maybe that’s something we can both do together?”, and with a wink I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the forehead.

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The elevator door opened, and we walked out into the reception area. I carried both our bags (which was now slightly easier with the empty air canister hidden inside) and we walked to the reception area.

Helia walked ahead of me. With her giant bra now useless and confined to the bag she was carrying, she wore her white jumper, which also now looked slightly awkward on her, having been stretched over her massive bosom and which now hung more loosely then before.

At the reception was the same receptionist that we had seen yesterday, just sitting down at her chair to start a new shift. She looked up at us and smiled.

“Good morning” she said.

“Good morning” Helia said in return, placing the keys on the top of the desk. “We wish to check out now, please”

Has Helia was talking, the receptionist’s eyes looked down-and she glanced at Helia’s chest. 

Trying to act completely natural she said “Er, yes, madam…certainly”, and took the keys off of the desk before turning to her computer.

Helia and I glanced at each other from the corners of our eyes and tried to hide a smile. Although the receptionists acted completely natural, the look in her eyes when she saw Helia was enough for Helia and me to guess what she was thinking:

I thought she looked a lot bigger then that yesterday? Why is she so much smaller?

She looked back up at us and, despite doing her best not to look at Helia’s much deflated chest, asked us if we had enjoyed our stay here, and was there anything they can assist us with?

We politely thanked her for the offer, told her our stay here had been very good and the service excellent, and said goodbye to her.

Has we turned to walk out the door, Helia and I just glanced discreetly at each other again, and we both knew what we were thinking-that receptionist was still looking at us, curious has to how Helia’s breasts had shrunk so much in just one night.

We walked up to my car, and I put our bags in the trunk has Helia got in. I closed the trunk and got as well.

And once we were both inside, Helia and myself just looked at each other…

….and we just LAUGHED.

“Well, I must say it was such wonderful night” I said with a smile, standing on the platform looking at Helia has she was getting ready to board her train has it was getting ready to depart.

“Ahh, thanks” she said, sweetly. “I’ve had a great time too”.

We looked at each other for a moment, an then she said “You know, the next time we do this, we really should do it outside, out in the open, not indoors”

“Why?” I asked, curiously.

Helia smiled, and gave me hug. Has we were hugging she leaned in closer, and whispered something into my ear that I will never forget.

“Because you’ll be surprised just how big I can get, if given enough open space….”

THE END.

dracon

magnific story-- its posible other continuation with costume for example?

inflatables costumes, suits and clothings

dracon

magnific story-- its posible other continuation with costume for example?

inflatables costumes, suits and clothings

LX47

Well, I have actually got a few ideas for some more stories (all of which are completly differant to the one above). I might get down to writing them down sometime (although probably not anytime in the near future, yet). We'll just have to see. :-/


For the record, you might be interested to know that some of this story is actually based on FACT! :-)


Obviously the whole body-inflation thing isn't, because has we all know that's complete MAKE BELIEVE, but a lot of the other details (meeting the girl, registing at the reception, the elevator, walking along the corridor looking for the room and most of what happened in there including her getting changed in the bathroom) DEFINATLY had a ring of truth in what was written, if you know what I mean....:-D

dracon

I understand very well that is why I prefer stories where inflatable costumes are used, as it is more likely that if you can make 100% real.

inflatables costumes, suits and clothings

doubleintegral
doubleintegral's picture

Ever since this was posted I've been trying to decide what to say and how to say it.  It's a good effort for a first story but there were several things about it that didn't work so well for me, especially in regard to your stated goal of realism.

1.  Spelling, grammar, and punctuation, although competent, were all just rocky enough to be distracting; the constant substitution of "has" for "as", for example, was particularly annoying.  There were other misspellings and missing words here and there as well.  Italicizing the dialogue was also distracting to me and made the story come across as if all of the dialogue was spoken with emphasis, which it should not have been.

2.  Hose-stuck-in-mouth inflations all seem to inherently lack a sense of realism, especially if the inflatee talks throughout, and I think many writers paint themselves into a corner trying to make it work.  A) Any speech attempted with such an apparatus in the mouth would be severely impaired if not unintelligible, but writing gibberish would come across poorly in writing.  So you have to resort to using regular words which doesn't properly communicate the impaired speech.  B) If the inflatee is able to speak at all around the mask/hose, the air-tight seal formed around it by the lips would have to be broken, which would allow air to escape the inflatee's mouth.  C) One would think that rather than the mask getting stuck in the inflatee's mouth, the mask would have trouble staying on due to the force of the air inside the inflatee trying to escape.  D) Given B and C, it makes me wonder why the narrator did not once try to pull on the hose to remove it and just assumed that it was stuck.  Under other circumstances one could argue that he may have wanted to see how big she would get, but given the context of him being "nervous" and in a "panic" that doesn't really hold up.

3.  The part about the narrator getting trapped on top of her and all its related events seemed unnecessary other than to simply make those events transpire in the story.  Why was he afraid of falling off of her?  Wouldn't he have fallen off if it meant he could have shut off the tank?  Wouldn't he have been more afraid of being suffocated against the ceiling?  Why was he "completely helpless" when he still had "a foot or two" of room with which to climb off of her?  Why didn't the maid barge in after the first knock with no response, like most hotel housekeeping staff do?

4.  The story seemed overly long, but I'm not really one to talk (my last story was 5,275 words).

5.  I noticed at least one continuity problem.  She appears to be awake while the narrator is trying to call off the maid, but then almost immediately after that she is apparently asleep and remains so uninterrupted despite the narrator doing all sorts of different things to deflate her.

6.  This may just be a personal preference thing but I think invoking the name of Helia Melonowski was a mistake.  Dropping that name automatically draws comparisons to her previous fictional escapades, which have a much more cartoony (not realistic) feel to them.  Generally speaking, in my opinion there are very few inflation scenarios out there that are made better by referencing a real person or an established fictional character.  I much prefer the inflatee being an original character with which the writer can set his/her own rules.

I hope that you will take this as constructive criticism.  I wasn't trying to be harsh, but when someone says they want to write a realistic story I intentionally reduce my suspension of disbelief and see how well they did.  I think your story does have some good elements that you can build on - I'm always up for room-filling inflations, the idea behind the story was a good one, and I think it was generally communicated well - but I just think that the things I mentioned caused the story to get in its own way a little too much.  You should definitely keep writing, and I look forward to reading more from you, especially since it seems your tastes are similar to mine.

LX47

(1) Sorry about the spelling mistakes. There are a number of reasons for this. First is that the Spell Check on my computer isn't really working properly, and often lets certain misspelt words slip through sometimes (I even deliberately misspelled words to that it picks them up, and sometimes it doesn't-I might have to look into this).

Also, most of this was written late at night. I’m not a very good sleeper, so most of this was done on my laptop in bed, sometimes up to 1am! :P

And has you can imagine, sitting there taping away at 1am can be a very tiring experience (which is why, in my weary state, some small details tend to sleep through-I was too tired to have noticed them at the time).

And with regards to ITALICS, that was my idea. Has I was writing it, I wanted to emphasis certain FEELINGS and EMOTIONS that the character was experiencing, to show what he was experiencing at the time.

So I thought that my highlighting certain words in that manner (ones that I felt were important in trying to express what feelings he was feeling/experiencing at the time) it would kinda put across what he was thinking, him being the narrator and all.

That was the general idea anyway.

(2) Having read through your comments, I think you raise a very good point about the hose-in-mouth idea. Has we all know that idea is one of the most popular/common ideas in this fetish, but you highlight one thing that, if truth be told, has never really occurred to me before-the PHYSICS of it all.

It actually never really occurred to me that, with the air going IN to her the ability to breathe OUT (and therefore speak) would have been actually really difficult to do, if not impossible.

Given what you’ve said I certainly think about that in future fiction.

(3) The reason why I chose that particular plotline is for one reason-I wanted to create a sense of PERIL!

I’ve read a lot of inflation stories, and in a lot of them there is a reoccurring theme that appears in a lot of them-there’s a LACK OF CONTROL in what’s happening to them.

Three of my personal favourite Helia stories are Helia’s Hanger, Filling Miss Helia and Hot Air Helia (which, of all of them is my personal favourite! :D).

If you were to read this three examples you’ll see that they all have one thing in common-Helia is in a situation where she is inflating and has NO CONTROL OVER IT! She is POWERLESS to stop it from happening.

That’s what I was trying to replicate in my story-that sense of being POWERLESS and HELPLESS to stop it from happening (which, like I said, occurs quite often in many of these stories).

With what I said I could have easily had that he jumps off the bed, reaches the canister and switches it off. Helia would have stopped growing, and the disaster would have been avoided.                                                             END OF STORY.

And although the story would have been a lot shorter, when I started writing it I was aiming for a taking-up-the-whole room scenario that you mentioned (which I, like you, also like :)). By having him take control (I.e. reaching the canister and switching it off before) that whole idea would have been avoided (and all the details of him describing the sensations that he felt/experienced-which is one of the main features of this story-would never really have occurred in the first place).

That’s the reason why I included that plot device in the first, so that (a) it would give Helia an excuse to blow up to a HUGE size rather then just ‘very big’ and (b) allows the character to describe his experiences in more detail (even if it does unintentionally lengthen the story) and avoids the story being pretty much being cut off then and there, has it were.

(4) Like I've mentioned earlier, I never intended this story to be this long-it just kinda ended up that way. It was one of those cases where the more I wrote the longer it became (if that makes sense).

(5) The thing you have to remember  about this story was that it is seen enough from the narrator's point of view. When he ‘feels’ Helia shudder under him he ASSUMES that she MIGHT be awake, but doesn’t know for certain. Only when she deflates long enough for him to see her face that he then KNOWS FOR CERTAIN that she’s asleep.

If you see someone asleep and gently touch them (on the arm, for example), they’ll probably give a slight twitch (or a faint moan) but nothing else. They don’t suddenly wake up, do they?

That was the idea that I was trying to put across-he thinks she may be awake (based on the twitching that he feels) but cant tell for certain if she is, and he’s in such an unusual situation that he just assumes it.

To be honest, looking at it now, it’s very much like point 3 (the narrator afraid of falling off her) in that, on hindsight, it was one of those ideas that seemed like a good idea narrative wise, but unfortunately ended up getting somewhat lost somewhere in all the text (again, sorry :P).

(6) Why did I chose Helia? 

 To be honest, I don’t really know for sure. When I started writing it I was just going to be a anonymous, unnamed character (like the narrator), and she did actually start out that way.

She originally started out has an unnamed character, but then I started calling her Helia, because at the back of my mind, my subconscious had latched on to the idea that Helia represents the ‘cornerstone’ in the whole body-inflation fetishism, and that over the years this (fictitious) woman has grown to become something of a SYMBOL (or even ICON) to the whole body-inflation phenomenon. For many, she-and what she’s capable of-represents everything about this whole concept, and I can only assume that that point must have been lurking at the back of my mind somewhere when I was writing it.

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I appreciate your honestly, and that your verdicts/opinions are not aggressive.

If I was to re-write this story (which I probably will) I would certainly take what you’ve written into consideration in the future. 

But, alas, I’m somewhat doubtful that I can now, because now I feel that I have left it to long now-when you look at this thread you’ll see that about 210 people have already read it, so although I could make a few alterations (NOT re-write the ENTIRE story, just make a few changes based on your opinions) I feel that too many people might have seen it (and now know it) to make any real difference to a revised version of it.

If anyone else wants to tell me whether or not I should make a second (revised) version of this story based on any ideas/opinions that others have suggested, or whether I should leave it has it is then please reply-I would appreciate any opinions on this. 

doubleintegral
doubleintegral's picture

Re: #1 comments - I only criticized your use of italics for all of the actual spoken dialogue in the story.  Doing so eroded the effectiveness of italics use elsewhere in the story.

Re: #3 comments - I know precisely <i>why</i> you wanted the narrator to get stuck, and I have no quarrel with that.  I was merely stating that the events leading up to it were not compatible with the result because they weren't believable.  As it stands, though, the story reads like you started with the result ("I want the narrator to unintentionally get stuck on top of her") and didn't care if the events led to that conclusion or not ("The narrator is going to have multiple obvious opportunities to NOT get stuck on top of her, but he's going to get stuck anyway due to his own indecisiveness, indifference, and/or sheer incompetence").  Changing the causes doesn't have to change the effect - there could have been different, more believable events that still would have caused him to get stuck against his will.

Re: #5 comments - Point taken.

Look, I have never advocated that anyone change a completed story.  As you said yourself, it's out there now and at this point it's water under the bridge.  Better to implement any changes in a new story rather than an old one.  I am also not advocating that you change your writing (or your story) solely on my account.  I am just an anonymous Internet asshole offering my advice, and it would be foolish of anyone to adopt my advice just because I say so - only you can decide whether it is good advice for you.