Hi, it's been a while since I last posted on here. I just want to share this with you really. Incidentally, this is not supposed to be a negative comment on anyone reading this, just my own subjective feelings and thoughts.
As some of you know, I've been gender dysphoric and am now FINALLY transitioning to female. It means of course that my breasts are slowly "inflating" in a sense but I've never been into that so I'm entirely "meh" about it, which brings up the point I wanted to make. Since I've been on the hormones, I've found that my inflation fetishism is getting weaker and the tracksuit fetish has completely vanished. I experimented with fantasising about inflation this morning and found that it took me literally hours to get turned on at all and I fell asleep several times because it just didn't engage my interest. This is by contrast with the sexual activities with my wife, where I still easily get aroused, so it's not just the absence of testosterone that's doing it. I also don't think about it much any more, and this is weird because I know inflation fetishism exists in women and that my variety of it - me as the inflatee, also imagining myself as female - is probably more common in women than in men too. I never had any interest in being the inflator.
Another thing: I'm sitting here in a dress, bra, panties and tights and it's entirely non-erotic - just normal clothes now. I have friends who are transvestic fetishists who would be really turned on by wearing what I'm wearing now, and to be honest at some point in the past I would myself have found my current outfit arousing in some ways, but it's just not. They're just clothes I like in a normal way, like I might've liked a particular T-shirt or something in the past, and that's just SO weird!
Doesn't it always seem to be that the grass is greener on the other side?
I think what's happened is that I now feel that having a good female body is so valuable to me that I have no desire to pump it full of air and make it pop. Also, sex seems to be about something different now - it's less intense, less driven and not as interesting. In the past maybe I wanted to burst partly because it would've meant the destruction of my male body, if I was imagining myself to be male in my fantasy. It now feels that all the new "features" - smooth, soft, skin, slimmer, breasts - and the grace and delicacy that comes with that are things to be treasured and enjoyed. I can't fantasise about being a male inflatee because I've come to find that imagining myself with a male body is quite disgusting and off-putting, and it's also quite hard imagining myself as a woman inflating because I want this body and don't want it to balloon or explode.
However, it does also occur to me that I now have a vaguely passably female body - I mean, just about - that in theory I could make some really stonking videos and images if I can still cope with the idea of bloating myself up.
What do you think? Would you like that or would my body as it is now (i.e. fairly typical formerly male transgender body) really freak you out and put you off?
I don't know why I'm posting this really, I suppose I just thought I owed it to you all to explain why my stuff has dried up in the past few months and also make that offer.
Hi Nineteenthly
Thanks for the update. That's a really interesting shift in your tastes, and your ideas for why that shift might have occurred seem plausible to me.
Twenty years ago, I thought I was alone in my inflation tastes, and now there are so many people producing content I can't keep up. Couldn't keep up when Bambi first started producing content, so I really can't keep up now. I think your insights into the fetish could make for some really hot situations and dialogue, but also think that the competition is swelling to the point you might not get much of the available pie, and that the yammering intolerants of the internet might target you for bullying for having the temerity to generate hot content while having chromosomes they feel uncomfortable being aroused by. I watched my housemate and later an online correspondent, someone the abusers couldn't even see, dammit, get pretty badly abused by both men and women for not conforming to strict gender identities. I would love it if you suddenly revealed you are actually Holly Webster, and all the pinheads were suddenly like "Nooooooo, I was fapping to that."
Regardless of where you're at with the fetish, your stories will always be appreciated at this end. If you don't feel it anymore, you don't feel it, and it sounds like the benefits you are enjoying outweigh the loss.
Take care
Pongo