Greatest Kegstand, The

Samantha was going to her first college party.  Excited to have a good time, she entered, only to have her anticipation ruined by her arch nemesis, Amanda. “Why did she have to be here?” Samantha said under her breath as she walked through the door.  Amanda was already excessively drunk and flirty, like usual. “I swear, she never grew out of high school,” Sam said bitterly in casual conversation. That’s when a few of the boys rolled out a new keg, and the one shouted “Keg stands!” Everyone cheered wildly. Amanda volunteered first, drunkenly flailing her arms.

Two of the guys held her legs up in the air, while a third held the beer tap. She grabbed the handles on the keg, and away they went. She managed to drink the beer quickly, avoiding spitting any on the floor. A drunken cheer broke out, as she was finishing up a well-executed keg stand. Samantha went into a rage, deciding the only way to beat her was to beat her at her own game. So she volunteered next. The guys grabbed her legs like usual, the third guy with the tap; she grabbed the keg and signaled that she was ready to go.

She opened her throat and let the beer pour in. She would beat Amanda; she would do more than beat Amanda, she would do the longest keg stand ever. Her rage fueled the insanity, and away she went. Sam had already beat Amanda’s time within the minute, but she needed more than just beating Amanda. Her stomach filled rapidly with beer, as the foamy liquid rushed down her throat. Samantha felt a bit uncomfortable, but she trucked on. She started to look bloated, to no surprise. This was ignored though by the drunken rage of a cheer, as Samantha continued on the longest keg stand. Most people were impressed; minus the few sober enough to realize that something might be wrong with the situation.

A few minutes passed, a forth guy helped pump the keg to keep things moving along. Samantha had consumed the first gallon of the keg, and it was showing. Her belly protruded from her shirt now; luckily she was wearing yoga pants, otherwise her pants may not have survived. She refused to give up though; she would not quit until all 15 gallons of the keg were gone. She would show everyone the greatest keg stand.

Samantha looked full term pregnant after the next few gallons, as stretch marks began to form on her taxed belly. People started to notice something was off now, even through the thick drunken environment. “You’ve had enough!” the guys said as they put her down. But she greedily grabbed the tap and kept going. Sam was keg sitting more than keg standing, but it didn’t matter now. All that mattered to her was finishing her job, showing Amanda who could party harder. She pumped the keg with one hand, and held the tap with the other. Everyone backed up now in fear of the unknown consequences, as her growing body needed more room.

The stretch marks on her belly now circumnavigated her body, as she was well done with over half the keg. Her shirt had given up the battle of the bulge, has her belly resembled an overfilled beach ball ready to burst. Some of the party began to worry she might pop, but most just watched in drunken awe. Some even started to cheer, as the girl slowly turned into a weather balloon, filled with beer. Sam ignored all this; she had tunnel vision to her ending point, drunk off anger, as well as beer. She pumped away, adding more pressure to the mix as she rushed down a one-way street to an inevitable end.

Now in the final gallons of the keg, her belly was well over three feet across, churning and bubbling as the carbonated yeasty substance broke down more inside her. The keg was near completion, and she would reign victorious. Only a few more gallons. Sam was incredible amounts of pain, but she was so near the end. Only two more gallons. Samantha’s incredible belly spanned over four feet, the weight pushing her hips apart as she laid spread eagle on the floor. She knew yoga pants would be a good decision. Only one more gallon. She could feel vibrations around the room reverberate in her gargantuan body. But not for long.

Sam held the tap tight, and let the bubbly liquid and foam run dry until only air remained. Now, the crowd stopped in awe. After all the beer and gas inside the keg was inside Sam, her belly was a five foot orb, vibrating gently as more of the CO2 escaped from the beer. But it had no place to go. Sam lay there, smiling, knowing she’d done it, not knowing the consequences. More gas kept forming, but her overstretched cowhide of a body started stretching less and less. The crowd finally realized through the drunken haze that something was about to go wrong, and backed far away in fear that Samantha’s fate may danger their health. Sam stretched up to almost six feet now, her belly’s critical maximum. The gas continued. Pressure built higher. A soft creaking sounded. Sam took one last gasp as her overdue belly burst with a tidal wave of beer, breaking all the windows in the small party house. It was, the greatest keg stand, ever.