Real-life Inflation Majicks!

In response to a thread in the general discussion board, which linked to a site advertising "real" magical spells, I took it upon myself to write a magic inflation spell, based on "real" modern witchcraft, that didn't totally suck/actually makes sense in terms of how the spell is cast and what it's supposed to do.

Seriously, someone explain what salty rock water has to do with balloons.  I am 100% all ears.

The following spell is meant for fictitious use (e.g. an inflation fic, a video intro, etc.) only.  Feel free to attempt at home, but don't expect much by way of results.  (That being said, if you do attempt at home and DO actually inflate, record what changes you made and exactly how you performed the spell, because I, the spell's original author, would very much like to know how you did it.)

This spell is free for anyone to reference in any original medium, provided that proper credit is attributed.

The spell itself:

Fill a balloon with air (or water, if that's what stirs your beast) and pinch off the end so none escapes - don't tie it off, just hold it closed.  Caress the balloon in a sufficiently creepy/mystical/erotic way (whatever you feel like doing - be your own special self!) and recite the following:

"Stretchy like rubber, round like a ball,

vast like the cosmos encircling all,

Let me grow bigger, my skin smooth and tight,

and let this spell last me the rest of the night.

Fill me to the brim, but spare me the worst-

Though I shall inflate, I never shall burst!"

Inhale the balloon's contents (unless you used water, in which case you should swallow it instead - you can swallow air as well, but 9/10 witches recommend against attempting to inhale water).  If performed correctly, you should immediately begin to fill with air (or water) until inflated to a round state.