Codename: Ladykiller

Codename: Ladykiller

Jack Horner was sitting on the corner of his apartment windowsill, shining and polishing a gold revolver. He looked at an old woman with a red hat who was walking his way outside. It was raining out there.

Which woman should I kill next? Was the question on his mind. He looked out through the window. Not that one of course. The woman with the red hat could be seen from behind now. She was wearing a purple dress – it looked quite frumpy on her. He grunted and grimaced and put a twist on his revolver with his polisher: It was going to be a tough night for him. If he was an old woman, as the old adage had said, he would not have worn purple. He smiled.

His target tonight was Veronica Marquez. He knew her, a little. She was an office worker – he used to work with her, actually. Though she wasn't his target because he bore a grudge against her – she was actually quite a likeable and innocent young woman.

Well, except that she had killed her husband. And some other men. And would probably kill some more after that... but she was actually quite innocent... he chuckled at this and shook his head a little. Sigh. He had quite liked Veronica, but she would have to go. He gave a final swish on his revolver.

Later, Jack walked down the street and towards the office complex. The room was 215, he knew, and he had the key. Or he had made one -- he was quite good with keys... he gave his keychain a little jangle to support this... and opened the door to the office building, walked in, quietly, shut the door behind him, and made his way to the elevator. Inside he pushed “2F”. He made as if to light a smoke. But he didn't smoke, so he used an imaginary cigarette. And tapped his foot while the elevator went up. He crossed his arms.

Ding-Dong.

He entered the hallway and his shoes tapped along the way... Veronica would be waiting for him inside. Or waiting for that someone... Putting on that make-up, as she did... it was kind of her routine. He looked in on the glass window when he got to 215 – there was Veronica, putting on her make-up. He smiled. He knew she would have done it.

Veronica looked towards the window and her eyes went wide – this wasn't who she had been expecting. Veronica made as if to stand -- but Jack came in.

“Ay Mierda!”, she exclaimed. “Who are you?”

“LadyKiller”, Jack said, waving a hand in salute. “Codename: Ladykiller, actually. But you can call me Jack. Who are you?”

Veronica stood up. “I will not stand this insolence”, she pouted. “How did you get in here?”

He smirked and held up the jangling keys. She got the message.

“Get out of here” she said, turning her back to him for just a second...

And in a moment Jack had moved up close to her and grabbed her shoulder. She shirked back, surprised.

Veronica sputtered, licked her lips that had been wet with lipstick. A little of it got smeared on the bottom of her mouth. She shoved Killer's hand off her shoulder and pointed at something -- “I'm waiting for my husband” she said, and pointed to the picture of her husband on her desk –

“You're husband's dead”, Jack said flatly. “And so are you.”

“What the hell is this?”, Veronica said, stuttering. “Some kind of... ah, slumber party? How do you say it...” she said, fumbling for words.

“It's the end for you”, Jack said seriously, looking into her eyes. He turned and rolled up a rolly chair behind him. “And do you know why?” He sat on it backwards, facing her.

“No...” she said, looking around for an escape.

“There's no way out”, Jack said. And “Do you know what I do?” he said, putting a hand on his face.

“No”, again.

“I kill ladies”, he said, his eyes flickered into hers again. “And I enjoy it”. He made to light a cigarette – a fake one.

The statement was enough to wig her out. Veronica sweated. She went wide-eyed. She began pulling on the collar of her turtleneck.

“Do you know why I came up here?” Ladykiller asked her.

“No,”... Veronica said. BUT SHE DID.

“Hundreds of men”, he said,

She gulped...

... Your husband included...”, he said, pointing to the picture, briefly... “Are Dead. Died. Popped by your hand.”

“Popped?”

“Yes, POPPED.”

“That's ridiculous?”, she said, trying to laugh. But couldn't, she choked on it. She knew what was coming.

“They were exploded. By your hand. With a gun... speaking of which,” he said, “have you seen this?” He produced a picture from his pocket.

Yes. She had created it.

“No... Not at all”, she said, looking sideways.

“Well... it was yours. As I said, killed hundreds. Thousands.”

She gulped again... then her expression changed into a smirk. He would be next.

“Hm”, she said. “Well, as you say...”, she said, leaning over the desk, “it does kind of look...”, she reached for something and Ladykiller reacted, “...familiar...!!!!!!!!!” she said, and shoved the desk over towards him.

The thing slammed into Killer's jaw and he landed on his ass, backwards.

“You damn son-of-a-bitch”, Veronica said, and pulled out a gun strapped to the bottom of the desk.

Killer looked back and it was a very familiar-looking gun.

“You thought you could get a handle on me”, Veronica gasped, and pulled the trigger of the thing to zap Jack.

A blue beam creamed out of it and Ladykiller scrambled to avoid it.

PEW PEW PEW!, exclaimed the thing.

Veronica shot. “PUTA!”, she said.

Ladykiller dipped to the other end. His forehead was sweating. God damn it he hadn't expected this. Shit. He usually had time to pull out his gun. Speaking of which...

“Don't try that shit on me” she said. “This gun is a superior model to yours... I bet that if you even tried to”

POW! And he shot. The bullet went right into her right boob. The boob inflated. She gasped and held it... “you FUC-!!”

POW! But before she could get the word in he shot her right cheek and it inflated too – but just a little bit because he wanted her to be able to speak. That would change soon, though.

The woman gained her composure again but Lady had in that time gotten in too close. He grabbed the arm which was holding the gun and put it down.

“That's enough, Veronica”, he said. And shot her in the belly.

Her stomach started burbling up -- “Oh God”, she said and looked down as if there was a baby in there.

“... This is why they call me the Ladykiller”, Jack said.

“This is why they call you the Asshole”, she retorted.

“...That's cute,” he said, and smiled, “but it's not quite as good ^_^”.

She rolled her eyes.

“Now...” he said, putting her arm down all the way. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” she said.

He sighed -- “You know wh--”

She exploded: “Because I HATED--”

“No you didn't!” he said, and put his face up to hers, looked into her eyes -- “No”, he said gently. “...It's actually because you loved them”.

She hadn't expected this.

“... It's because you loved them so much, you didn't want them getting away... you didn't want them betraying you, didn't want them going crazy on you...” he shot her in the stomach again – “and so you went crazy on them.”

“Goddamn it, you're crazy!” she said, swelling up, and her feet left the floor. Her cheeks and shoulders inflated up, too.

“I'm about as crazy as you are, Veronica”, Killer said, “but...” he shrugged... “I fight for the good, and you... well... ^_^!”

“That's a matter of opinion!” She said, in a nasally voice.

“Whose opinion?” he said.

This shut her up.

“...Because I believe you're mistaken”, he said.

“God-damn you”, she snorted, and started hissing up again. She looked at herself: she was afraid.

“Well dear, I've gotta say goodnight to you” Killer said, grabbing Veronica by the arm and looking up towards her. And he shot her again.

“!!”, she said.

“But before I do” he said, as her brown dress seams started to split, “I'm going to have to kiss you goodnight”.

She rolled her eyes: “Just get it over with”, she said. Veronica seemed to have accepted her fate, there on the ceiling.

Killer smiled and climbed up to her. “You're beautiful”, he said, with a face full of sincerity, and then kissed her.

“I love you”, he said, looking into her eyes...

She winced... “I love you to--” she managed--

before POP!

She erupted in a shower of brown dress shreds and pink glitz.

Killer climbed back down.

“I love this job”, he said, and then strolled over to the other side of the room, to the light switch.

“Good night everyone”, he said.

“And Goodnight to you, too”.

And he turned off the light.