However, your spelling, punctuation, grammar and structure are terrible. I couldn't make it through the third paragraph.
I'm going to tell you what I tell almost everyone else that I post on: Learn. To. Write.
Turkish Trouble 2 Double Trouble
It was a bright sunny afternoon in Malia and away from the hustle and bustle on the main drag and the beaches was a lone villas up high on the hills over looking the holiday resort. In the villas were two girls both of 18 years of age. Ellen was 5ft 11 and she was a shapely girl with wide hips, a huge bum and D sized breasts. Carly was the same height as Ellen but she was a bit chubbier but still had very comparably sized assets to Ellen.
Both girls were sunbathing besides there private pool behind there apartment with a large garden spanning 4 tennis courts. Both were wearing bronze and gold micro bikinis to achieve the best natural tan possible.
“Aw I love the sun all warm and soothing not like in the UK all cold and changeable.” Said Ellen cheerfully. “I agree, but there is nothing much to do besides tanning eating and drinking, and don’t mention the men there not worth bothering with. I wish there was something else to do around here.” Carly sighed. Then the door bell rang. “Who could that be.” Ellen asked Carly inquisitively. “It must be there answer to the postman around here ill go and answer it.” Carly slid off her sun bed and trotted off to the door.
After answering the door and giving the postman one of the best sights he’d seen all day Carly examined the package she had been handed. “Hmm I wonder what this could be, it’s addressed to Ellen, but I’m sure she will tell me.” She walked back though to the pool and presented the package to Ellen “Hey this is for you.” Holding out the package. “Oh rite, I wasn’t expecting anything.” Ellen looking very interested in the package. She relived Carly of the package and carefully opened the package revealing a glittery purple and silver packet with Wonka printed in gold letter and also a small piece of note paper. “Dear Ellen and Carly hope you are having a great time on holiday if by chance you have nothing to do please try this bar let me know what you think of it upon your return. Allanah.x.”
“Is that all it say’s.” Asked Carly. “Yeah, how very odd sending us this, but it does look good very appealing and catchy packaging.” Does it say anything about it on the wrapper?” Questioned Carly. “Yeah it does but as you asked you can read it, while I eat it.” Giggled Ellen, whilst carefully tearing off the wrapper so it was still legible for Carly to read it.
In the same move as passing the wrapper to Carly, Ellen took the whole bar and popped it in her mouth, it was only about the size of a Kitkat. Carly Began to read the back of the packet. “ Wonka’s Blueberry Turkish Delight, contains 100% blueberry juice in every bite. Caution: Please note that some side effects may be caused by the bar in some females, this can be discolouring of the skin and swelling but these will cause no harm to the person eating the bar, only mild discomfort will be experienced for a time before returning to normal. Enjoy. Signed Wonka.” Finished Carly with a confused expression on her face and placed the wrapper on the sun bed. “How odd, well Ellen how does it taste?” “It’s amazing.” Exclaimed Ellen “The chocolate is so creamy but the best bit is the Blueberry Turkish Delight inside, its like I’m biting into the real fruit each time and the juice is just running down my throat.” Both girls began to giggle “Well we need to remember to ask Allanah for more of this stuff when we get back home.” The Carly noticed something on Ellen’s nose. “Hey Ellen, did you go and put any makeup on while I went to the door?” “No, why do you ask Carly?” “Well I know this sounds a bit odd but the end of your nose is turning blue no violet.” Carly finished looking back to the wrapper.
“What do you mean my nose is turning violet?” asked a now puzzled Ellen. She picked up a pocket mirror from her sun bed, she held it up to her face “What the hell!!!.” The small patch of violet that Carly had noticed had begun to spread down her nose and onto Ellen’s face. “Carly look!” Ellen grabbed Carlys arm. “What is it? Wow what’s happening to your skin?” questioned Carly. She looked at the violet tinge that crept across Ellen’s body. “Why am I turning violet? Does the packet say anything?” As Ellen finished her sentence she was now completely violet from head to toe, very single inch of her skin was now violet. “What does it say Car….” Ellen was stopped in her tracks she now felt a strange sensation. “I feel bloated, like I’m filling up with something!” Ellen then looked down at her belly; it had begun to swell, pushing out like she was early on in pregnancy. “Carly, look my belly it’s getting bigger!” Ellen exclaimed. All this time while Ellen has been transforming, Carly had read the small print on the packet and knew what was happening.
“Carly what’s happening to me?” Ellen asked again as Carly lifted her head after reading the packet. “My belly is swollen and now it looks like I have bingo wings and huge thighs!” Carly sighed before giving her answer. “Ellen you’re turning into a blueberry girl.” “A what? You mean like that film but that’s impossible.” Carly rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think it’s a bit late to be calling it impossible now Ellen is it?” Ellen stopped panicking and came back to reality. “Well yes I do seem to be swelling up into a blueberry girl.” Ellen had now swollen some what, her belly was now a meter in diameter and her crotch had began its decent towards the ground, her arms and legs had also become shorter from her expanding mid section, also her already ample sized breasts and bum had followed suit with her body and had increased in size leaving her micro bikini top and bottom under a great magnitude of tension, acting like cheese wire, digging into her swelling skin. “Carly, get the bikini off me it hurts, ahh.” Ellen exhaled in pain. “Ok Ellen I got you.”
Carly went to the back of Ellen and found the join of the strings for Ellen’s bikini top and bottom, she pressed her nail against the join and SNAP, SNAP! Both garments flew off Ellen. “Wow that’s better, I’m naked but I rather that than being cut like cheese.” Ellen said in a brief moment of calm. “Sorry to worry you Ellen, but you wouldn’t be cut you would burst.” Ellen now wide eyed. “I would burst but I’m getting fat!” Carly let out another sigh. “ Your not getting fat Ellen your filling up with blueberry juice after eating the Turkish delight, your like a blueberry hard on the out side but liquid on the middle.”
Ellen had now swollen to 10 meters in diameter and filled the pool area of the villa that she and Carly were staying at. After having a few moments to come to terms with what was happing to her Ellen brought up what she though would be her silver lining to her dark blue cloud. “But in the film Carly, the girl gets rolled away to be juiced and she stops growing at roughly the size I am now.” But Ellen you have eaten the sweat and how am I going to juice you or get you out of here, your too big and you’re still getting bigger.” Ellen now having grown to 15 meters with only her hands and feet showing as well as her head and ginormous breasts asked Carly a very difficult question. “Well what will happen to me, I can’t be juiced and the swelling doesn’t seem to be slowing down?” Carly, now looking very glum. “Well Ellen you won’t be able to swell forever.” Ellen interrupted. “You mean ill BURST!” Ellen screamed. “Yes I’m afraid so, but I can try a couple of things to make you feel more comfortable or maybe even stop you swelling.” Carly, giving a little bit of a smile. “Ok it’s worth a shot.” Said Ellen also returning the smile.
Carly got down on her knees and crawled around the base of Ellen, she then found Ellen’s vagina. She then got her finger and gently stroked the lips of Ellen’s vagina. “Mmm, yes that’s good keep going.” Carly then stepped it up a gear and stuck her whole finger inside Ellen’s Vagina. “Yes, yes, yes.” Screamed Ellen until she climaxed. But when Carly examined her and there was no trace of liquid on it at all. “Hmmm that’s strange.” But when she looked up at Ellen she was in for quite a shock. “Ellen you have grown, err quite considerably.” Ellen opened her eyes after climaxing and looked down. “Wow I have I was enjoying my self too much I didn’t notice.” Carly held her head. “You have doubled in size if not more your 35 meters wide now.” “What!!” Exclaimed Ellen. “I have just got bigger, Carly do something, please.” Carly thought to herself and then looked around the apartment’s garden for inspiration and she noticed a hose coiled up on a wall. “Hmm that could work.” She walked over the hose and unravelled it towards Ellen; she knelt down again she put her finger into Ellen’s vagina then shoved the hose inside Ellen. “What are you doing?” Screamed Ellen. “I’m trying to help you out.” Carly shouted back as she went to turn on the hose. Water flowed down the hose and into Ellen, she got a cold sensation as the water went in. “Eek, that’s cold, what’s the idea of this you’re just making be even bigger.” Complained Ellen. “Well yes that is a side effect of my idea but if you feel a sensation of running water you might want to go to the toilet and expel the juice, yes it would take a long time but you wouldn’t burst.” Explained Carly. “Well when you put if that way not a bad idea.” Ellen said relived.
Ellen was now just over 40 meters wide but she still had most of her features, her hands and feet were still poking out of her now spherical body and her breasts now the side of beach balls were prominent features in front of her head also poking out the top of her body and her bum was of a similar size. Carly was now checking over Ellen feeling her skin and seeing how for her hand sunk into her now very large friend. She placed her hand on Ellen’s side and with no effort at all her hand sunk in until all the gaps in her fingers were filled with Ellen’s bulging skin. “Ellen I have some good news for you.” Shouted Carly, giving a smile. “What is it?” “Well you seem to have plenty of room left to grow as my hand sinks into you.” “Well good at least I know where I’m at but I don’t want to keep getting bigger.” Saying this Ellen was still swelling at quite a rate not helped by Carly’s new idea. “I wonder why Allanah sent you the Turkish delight, she’s mates with us so I don’t think she intend this or wanted it to happen to you.” Said Carly, pondering. “Well it might have happened to her you know.” “Yes that is a very good point Ellen, pity we have no mobile service out here I could give her a ring.
” As Carly finished Ellen began to feel strange her skin felt different. “Carly I feel funny.” Said Ellen “Oh it looks like my idea is working, well how about you try going to the toilet.” “I have and nothings happening that’s not the feeling I’m getting, I feel tight.” Said Ellen letting out a pained sigh. “Getting tight!” The Carly noticed Ellen breast they had got smaller since the last time she looked. She went over to the hose and turned off the water but Ellen was still swelling to over 55 meters. Carly then knelt down and tried to pull the hose out of Ellen but she had swollen around it and it was jammed in. “Carly help I’m getting too tight.” Carly didn’t know what to do for her swelling friend she did not want to see her burst she had to try something. She glanced at the other end of the hose. She the removed her bikini bottoms and then her bikini top so she was completely naked. She then ran over to the tap and took the hose off the end and to her surprise nothing came out not even a single drop water. “What the hell, if the pressure is increasing inside Ellen surely some liquid will come out of her?” Carly looking puzzled, then Ellen spoke up again. “Carly hurry up I don’t want to burst it was your idea to fill me up with water and you have just made things worse.” Ellen’s breasts were half the size they were before and she was now at 55 meters. “There is one thing I can do.” Carly grasped the end of the hose got her other hand and parted the lips of her own vagina and then inserted the hose inside herself. “Ahhh ooh that’s big.” Suddenly she felt the hose vibrating as if liquid was coming down it and within seconds juice began flowing into Carly and the pressure inside Ellen decreased enough to stop her pain and return her breast to there previous large size. “Ah that’s better Carly, what did you do?”
Ellen began to deflate a little so she got her breasts and bum back to how they were. “Hey Carly, what did you do I feel fine now?” Ellen then managed to look down and see Carly “Carly!” Carly had now swollen to over 5 meters and still expanding but unlike Ellen she still had her original skin colour. “Hey Ellen don’t worry I’m fine. Well as fine as you can be.” Carly said with relief. “What did you do, your swelling up like me?” “Well you are filling me up, I connected the hose that I was filling you up with water to me and now it seems to have diverted the juice into me.” Carly continued to swell to 15 meters with Ellen’s size remaining constant then Carly noticed something on her chest. “Hey what’s that?” Carly notice a blue blob on her chest. “Oh no, the blueberry juice I think it is affecting me!” “What’s happening, are you ok Carly?” By the time Ellen had looked at Carly she was completely violet, exactly the same shade as Ellen. “The juice that I was getting from you has turned me into a blueberry girl as well!” “What, does that mean you’re filling up as well?” “Yes it is ooh dear.” Carly now began to swell very quickly as she was being filled by Ellen and now by herself. She quickly went though the 30 and 40 meters stages till she got to 50 meters only just smaller than Ellen, her breasts were huge along with her bum and only the ends of her limbs remained. Carly then got to 55 meters and the swelling slowed. “What’s happening asked Ellen why have you stopped, were both the same size.” “I think that the pressure is equalizing inside us so any minuet we will start to swell together.”
A few moments later Carly was proved right, both girls began to swell. Both girls grew to 60 meters. “Carly I’m feeling tight again.” “Me too.” Both girl’s boobs and bums got smaller and smaller until they had become part of their spherical body’s with only hands and feet poking out. “I’m really tight, it’s starting to hurt.” Moaned Carly. “ Me too.” Agreed Ellen then what sounded like the suction pad that’s you put on windows to hold painting both of the girls hands and feet popped into there bodies. “Were being stretched out bit by bit.” Moaned Carly. “What do you think will be next?” Questioned Ellen. “I don’t know but a dread to think what.” Said a very anxious Carly. She soon got here answer, her nipples became really tight but with a searing pain they were stretched out and now completely flat with the rest of her body. “Yeow that hurt.” Screamed Carly. Ellen followed. “Carly?” Asked Ellen “What is it?” Carly now very much in pain. “We only have one thing left to stretch.”
“No we don’t were done.” Carly was then proved wrong as both girls vagina lips were unravelled leaving just a hole. “Ooh that was too much.” Screamed Carly. The girl’s were now 70 meters wide and with no new skin left to give, time was running out. The girls began to swell again very slowly. “It hurts so much, gnnnn.” Moaned Ellen. “I’m gnnn no better than you.” Retorted Carly. Carly while in great pain looked down on her self and was shocked to notice that now her skin had become so thin she could now see the juice flowing around inside her. “Ellen whatever you do don’t look down.” Said Carly very slowly. “Why what.” Ellen looked down. “What’s that, is that inside me?” Ellen was now breathing heavily. “Is that inside me, all the juice.” Questioned Ellen. “Yeah it is.” Said Carly grimacing in pain.
The swelling continued for a few short moments after this until both girls began to emit noises. CREAK, GROAN. “GNNNN Carly me skin it hurts so much, it’s unbearable.” Said Ellen through clenched teeth. “GNNNN me too, I don’t think I can hold out for much longer.” CREAK!,GROAN! “Neither can I, GNNNN I think I’m going to burst, very soon.” CREAK!!,GROAN!! Carly looked over her body she began to see dark blue stretch marks spreading across her shin. “GNNNN I think I’m close now, I’m not going to make it.” CREAK!!!, GROAN!!! Both girls now approaching the 80 meters mark. !!!CREAK!!!, !!!GROAN!!! Both Carly and Ellen simultaneously shouted in unbearable pain. “GNNNNNNN WERE GOING TO BURST, GNNNNNNAAAAA.” The with what could only be described as a thunder clap both girls exploded into blue mushroom clouds.
A few short moments after the girls exploded the villas was covered by a heavy shower of blueberry juice. After the shower cleared Ellen and Carly were lying flat out on the back lawn of the villas. They both got up. “What happened?” Asked a puzzled Ellen. “We turned into blueberry girls and we burst, is all I can say.” Said a very sarcastic Carly. “Shouldn’t we have died after exploding like that.” Queried Ellen. “Well you would think so but hey were still here and we should not dwell on that, which was a very odd kind of Turkish delight.” Ellen looked down at herself. “Were still violet, will it wear off?” she asked Carly. “It better had do, other wise Allanah has some explaining to do when we get back, but lets go inside we both need a lie down after that ordeal.” Carly put her arm round her friend and they both staggered back to the villas.
THE END
If i knew how to edit it i would, the spellings are correct though i may have ,messed up a few words for the meaning but the spelling are correct. The thik is that i didn't want it to look like a script and have the names down the side so im unsure how else to put it and there is alot of punctuation so and i can write as shown above, your last statment is just rude and uneeded.
While this may seem like a fair comment, it is not very useful. "Learn. To. Write", is not only not useful (because I can judge that he can write), but it is also very hurtful.
What is the use of hurt without gain? There is such thing as pain without gain, and there is a lot of it here. I discourage it. There is no point in beating someone into the floor.
His writing isn't that bad. Why should he conform to your standard? Are you not one of many? Why is your opinion more important than anyone else's?
It's only not useful if one chooses to ignore it.
As the author chooses to do so in his response.
I'm not beating him into the floor. I'm being critical rather than blowing sunshine up his ass. Beating him into the floor, or being rude would look something like this:
"You're from England, learn English. Yes, in fact your spelling is off. For fuck's sake have you ever seen a book? Are you twelve?"
That's what rude looks like. I didn't do that, I gave him three words, which if adhered to, would improve his material. He wants people to read and like his work, then for heavens sake, spend just a little effort in consideration of the poor reader. If he doesn't want to put that effort in, then he's going to have to develop a thicker skin.
Things aren't perfect, I dig that. I once wrote a passage forgetting the names of the characters I was writing. Typos happen to everyone, ok cool, no problem (want to tell me what a "villar" is?). But know what a paragraph is. It's not like it's a state secret, open any book and BOOM, there's writing structure right there.
However, apparently both you and the author are of the "everyone wins, it's the effort that counts, don't judge me, I don't deserve to lose merely becuase I participated, millenial self-entitlement rubbish". Because it's easier to grouse about the bitchy lady on the internet than to exert any effort to change.
It's not a matter of "my" standard. It's how writing is done. It's the english language. Don't believe me? Open a book. Gosh, if you are into blueberry inflation, read CATCF. No books around? Go read the stories of the best contributors here. Read Inflate123, read Sievert, read our generous host, Mr. Kane (and others I didn't mention but are no less talented).
I agreed with you in my post bar your statment that i need to learn to write thats all and if you can tell me how to edit it i will. The punctuation may be wrong in places granted but that involves editing. I wrote this in word with spellcheck on and i went through it several times to make sure i had the correct spellings it only flags up villar and Carly as misspelt, som im sorry you are infact wrong on that one unless i used the mrong spelling of word such as there instead of thier which i know i have done. Hey i'm all game for feedback but if you put things like learn to write that is in no way helpful. Also please don't lose your temper no one loses if you had put somthing other than learn to read i would not be saying this.
The grammer and structure was very flawed, as previously stated, I suggest improving it as it very much makes me realize that i'm reading something with improper english. Proof-Reading the story a dozen times helps.
Nice story I must say so myself... Of course theres a bit grammar error here, and there, but I don't judge on that unlike others... What I judge is the story layout, and that is great. I wanted to do stories myself, but of course I had to deal with grammer issue people so I just stopped. So yeah it is a pain to see this arrogant statement coming to you... Like "The" great novelties don't have errors even if its a short story, but yeah great story.
Not bad but needs editing for punctuation and dialogue reasons.