New writer in need of some advise.

After being a long time lurker on here and deviant art I decided to give expansion writing a shot. I've written a two part series so far and would like some imput on what I need to work on.

I had one person give me some advice earlier today. They said I needed to work on paragraph structure and spacing. I've gone over the story and changed the paragraphs and fixed a couple typos. I'd like to get some imput from the rest of the BI community as well and see what you guys think. Story length might be one of my issues, I'm not sure how long a story should normally go for.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to look this over.

http://asaran14.deviantart.com/art/Bloat-virus-edit-530210977

Sakeen

Well first off I spelled advice wrong sorry about that. Epic fail woot!

Slayer2

It's all subjective whan one like in terms of content and writing style. I think you would be best off writing things that interests you. Then it will turn out good I think. 
It's all about practice.