Judge Me!

I'm going to start with the following disclaimer: I am a pretty tough critic. I have very high standards for stories I read and even higher standards for stories I write. I have also been around for a long-ass time and have seen pretty much every inflation plot there is. As such, these days I don't often encounter stories that really pique my interest or bowl me over with awesomeness. I just want you to keep that in mind; nothing in this critique is intended to be mean-spritied. However, you did ask to be judged, and I take that seriously because it means you have some self-awareness of your skills and it sounds like you want to improve them. I'd like to try to start you down the right path as best I can, even if that path leads you over a bed of hot coals.

I skimmed all of your stories and then pseudo-randomly chose the following stories to read fully:

A Juicy Factory
Nobody Fruits
Cyber Berries

I could pick apart specific aspects of each story, but that won't be very helpful. Instead I will offer some overall comments about two major problems that more or less apply to all of them...

FIRST...

I think it's very important that people write about the things about which they want to write. Writing is already a big enough chore when you're trying to do it well, so you should at least be writing about something that is rewarding for you. It certainly seems like you've found a niche that you like to focus on and that is a good thing. You can harness that to improve your overall skills.

This may mean that nobody else likes your stories, though. If broader appeal is something you seek, you'll need to do one of two things:

1. Keep writing about whatever you want, but make your stories so gobsmackingly interesting, unique, and exceptionally well-written with solid characters and pristine fundamentals (grammar, spelling, punctuation) that your readers have no choice but to like them.
2. Offer some kind of balance between what you like to write and what you think your readers like to read.

I'll get this out of the way quickly: your stories fall well short of my criteria for #1. Sorry. Grammar/typo oopsies here and there, the occasional sloppy sentence or paragraph structure, clunky interactions between characters, generally formulaic inflations, sex scenes that can be seen coming (pun intended) from a mile away... they're pretty run of the mill. That leaves us with #2, but these stories don't really provide any balance whatsoever - they pretty much read like smutty fanfics with some inflation thrown in.

The problem with fanfics is that they are not very accessible to people who aren't familiar with the source material. As such, their intended audience is pretty much only fans of the source material. Combining a fanfic with inflation will either restrict the intended audience even further or force readers to bring along any preexisting biases they may have when they start reading your story. Setting aside those biases for an otherwise-average story can be too much to ask of some readers. For example, I simply could not finish any of the Pokemon stories because Pokemon really, really gets on my nerves.

I have no idea what game(?) the other stories' characters are from, so they were a little easier to digest. Having read the stories, however, I know just as much about the characters now as I did before, which is to say, pretty much nothing. This illustrates another problem with fanfics: when writing a fanfic, you expect your readers to know as much about the characters as you do, so you leave out a lot of details about the characters themselves. Good characters are pretty important to a good inflation story - after all, they are the ones inflating themselves and/or each other - and you can't develop characters without spending some words on who they are, what motivates them, etc.

You may decide that you only want to continue writing stories with these characters because that's what makes you happy, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's also nothing wrong with continuing to use these characters as a crutch of sorts while you work on other aspects of your writing. But broader appeal simply won't happen until you introduce some original characters in original scenarios. There is a reason why almost all inflation fiction uses original characters: in this genre people generally don't want to read fanfics.

ALSO...

A major part of the allure of body inflation for many fetishists is the loss of mobility, feelings of helplessness and danger, and the sense that the character(s) has become inherently less human and more of a balloon, blimp, berry, etc. Your stories fail to capture that part of the fetish because although the characters do inflate, they don't feel very differently about themselves, they aren't treated very differently by other characters, and they are still able to move around without too much apparent difficulty. For instance, in "A Juicy Factory", if both characters truly inflated with fruit punch to the size of the moon, their combined weight would approach the mass of the planet Mercury (seriously - I did the math). Now, I love massive inflations more than most, but not only is that so fantastical that it's just silly, giving those same characters the ability to move around and have sex just doesn't work at all.

Sexual arousal is, of course, another common hallmark of inflation fiction, but you're relying on it way too much. Your inflation scenes are brief but your sex scenes are protracted, and after the orgasm comes the characters barely have time to cuddle or smoke a cigarette before the story screeches to a halt. Moreover, during the sex scenes virtually all references to the characters' largely inflated states simply stop. It becomes all about the sex and it's almost like they're not inflated anymore - he's ramming her, they scream in ecstacy, and then to hell with it, roll the credits.

I'm actually left wondering why these characters were ever inflated to begin with. Why should they? The end goal of each story is simply to make familiar characters orgasm. That they spill juice instead of normal bodily fluids is inconsequential - the actual act of inflating them serves no purpose whatsoever.

MY ADVICE...

If you don't want to change what you're doing, don't change what you're doing. If your stories make you happy the way they are, you may not want to risk screwing that up.

If you do want to change what you're doing:

- Your DA profile says you're in the US; I'm assuming you are a native English speaker. Clean up the grammar. No excuses!
- Find some of the higher rated stories on this site and take some time to really think objectively about why they are rated highly. Try to boil it down to a few simple bullet points: the inflation happened this way, the characters did this, this much detail was given, etc. Then try to incorporate those elements into your next story.
- Try to visualize your story like a theatrical play. Would it look well rehearsed and well acted? If not, pay closer attention to smaller details like how characters enter/exit scenes, move around, look at or touch objects and/or each other, etc.
- There is an entry on my DA page called "Writing a Better Inflation Story". It might have some useful tips.
- Don't get discouraged. Writing good stories is very hard and is a learned skill. 

HTH