Infinite Dungeon Delve

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My paws remain steady in spite of my stress. One can never be too careful with Puffshroom Spores - one false move and you're a mess on the wall with no glory to speak off. The position and application needs to be perfect. I am finished not a moment too soon; my sharp ears pick up the sound of soft foot steps against the labyrinth floor. I find myself an alcove just before torchlight overtakes the darkness I had just been standing in.

I peer out from my hiding spot and confirm that I have two targets today. First one: fair skinned. Weird Tattoos. Pointed ears. Long-ish brown hair. Thin. Green outfit with lots of stripes, short pants and long stockings. Pointy wide brimmed hat. Fancy Stick. My guess, elf, witch or other offensive magic user. Probably pretty good, since she'd have to get past the goblins in section 1 to get here and there isn't a scratch on her.

Second one. Olive complexion. Short, plum colored hair. Flowing white robes and hood make it hard to discern her build, but my guess is at least a bit chubby given her walk. Unarmed. Assumption; human, white mage or other healing magic user. This adds the possibility that she might be an excellent supporter rather than the former being a powerful mage. Maybe both.

As a kobold trapsmith, I am the second line of defense for the Infinite Dungeon. If I perform well today, I will receive a biscuit and a chance that my next spawning will be as a bugbear. I cannot tell you how I long I've desired the height required to reach the highest shelves of the pantry.

The elf is in front. She is eager, grinning. She turns to her companion. "Don't worry Nila, I'm not paying to to get yourself into any trouble. You can hang back a bit if you like."

"I suppose Selona...still, I'd be more cautious. Even the monsters of the 1st level are still dangerous."

The elf is Selona and the human Nila. No fur, stupid names - is there anything pleasant about these surface dwellers?

My heart skips a beat as Selona passes over the threshold of my carefully laid trap. Bare feat press down against the spores, causing a pop noise that sends a purplish cloud of them flying into the air. Her smile vanishes as a strange feeling washes over her body, her stride falls into a stumble when she realizes it's not a momentary sensation. She catches herself against the wall, taking a heaving breath, one she regrets instantly.

She stares in horror as her hand, still braced against the wall, begins to puff like rising bread. Her slender fingers becoming thick and full, like sausages. She lets out a rather shrill cry as she looks down to see that both her hands, and then her arms - are rapidly increasing in size.

"O-oh crap! What's happening!?" Her lean and toned arms give way to worthless puffiness as she screams. The increasing girth creeps along her figure, and soon her uncovered stomach goes from flat to bulging, distorting the little tattoo around her navel. Selona's eyes and mouth open wide as she turns to see her once slender hips and posterior widening so drastically that her confident stride from before has devolved into an encumbered waddle.

"Selona!?" Nila shouts to her companion. I worry for a moment until I recall that the Puffshroom's poison is entirely mundane and healing magics should have little effect. Also, the healer's cowardice seems to work in my favor: she's hesitating. "W-what should I do!?"

"J-just stay back...!" She cries out pitifully, eyes darting wildly to find a way out, or perhaps whoever is responsible. Her gaze meets mine - I was careless. Still, Selona's situation rapidly worsens. Her clumsy waddling finds her swollen back-end and increasingly wide waist scraping against the walls - sweat begins to pour down her face, a symptom of the extra effort it takes to move her ponderous body as well as the nervous fear that is overtaking her. A snap cuts through the air as her belt gives way, tears appearing in her stockings. Any part of clothing that remains is in sad tatters.

She attempts a desperate dash towards me, only to find her fattened legs kicking a bit in the air. The lost momentum causes her staff to slip from her puffy fingers. To her horror she realizes she's gotten so large that she is wedged inside the hallway - her athleticism and magic prowess rendered worthless. She whimpers there, defeated, looking a bit like a child's ball stuck in a vice. I stare up at her in awe. Never in my life have I felt so unthreatened by someone so large. She tilts her puffy face down enough to glare at me, angry tears streaming down her now rounded cheeks.

As much as I want to savor this moment, I've got a job to do. I step exactly two steps back, and one to the right, my paw hitting a very particular pressure plate. A loud, mechanical whirring sound suddenly dominates the area. I can hear Nila attempting to shout over it with no avail. I step back again, chortling a bit to myself. Selona has a moment to look stupefied before she realizes what's happening. The walls of the hall she is stuck in are closing in.

"NO! NO! DON'T YOU DAAAREE!" She shouts before the rapidly displacing air from her cinched body causes her face to swell comically, making it impossible for her to talk. Her figure becomes even more distorted as she is squeezed, individual features begin to vanish as she turns into a absurdly strained mass of bulges. I chicken out at the last minute and turn away right before a loud popping noise heralds the end, her hat fluttering gently to my feet. I scoop it up and dash off, ready to present my trophy to my commander.


"Huh...AAAH!" Selona shot up in bed, face drenched in sweat. After a moment she looks down at her slender hands and flat stomach. "I..I'm OK! And I'm not huge!" She leaps out of bed with a victorious grin on her face. I throw a towel at her.

"You're also naked." I sigh, penning a few more things on the itemized bill I'm working on.

"Oh...right." She wraps the towel around herself to reclaim a bit of modesty. "But how Nila? I'm pretty sure I...well..."

"Exploded. Like rotten fruit." Selona gives me a disgusted look. I shrug. "Anyway I just had to find a...well, lets just say you hired me to make sure you came back in one piece and I did my job."

She begins to thank me and I thrust the bill in her face. Her eyes widen in horror and shock.

"Look Selona, Resurrection spells are not cheap, especially when the body isn't any where near intact. This is the lowest I can charge you."

"But how am I going to pay this!?" She shouts, growing pale when she realizes what I'm going to say.

"Oh...a couple more trips to the Infinite Dungeon might do it." It takes all I can not to giggle.

Author's Note: 

Beware the kobolds on the first floor!

Average: 3.5 (6 votes)
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Pennsylvania Ki...
Pennsylvania Kite Weather's picture
Charming, witty, rapid-fire

Charming, witty, rapid-fire goodness. Can't be any better pace than the one this story struck, and the characterization of the narrator rises above all else.

Well hey, thanks! I try. :)

Well hey, thanks! I try. :)

Bare FEET should have stepped

Bare FEET should have stepped on the spores. Otherwise good story!


Ack! Autocorrect is no substitute for a good eye, I guess.

cool pump22
I'd love to see a series

It sounds too wonderful to leave at one misadventure  <3 keep up thr great work!

Well thanks! I plan on

Well thanks! I plan on writing more adventures in this silly dungeon someday.