Prose that Blows 2 - Summer Fun (2010)

Method Acting

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory was a hit with the kids yet certain healthy eating lobbyists had always been concerned about its promotion of junk food, so they wrote their own version, Toria And The Tofu Factory, a story about a group of children who win tickets to a healthfood factory, where they meet various entertaining demises such as drowning in a vat of wheatgrass juice or being turned into rice cakes. Amazingly, it was even more popular and the day inevitably came when it was made into a movie and a theme park followed.

Average: 3.7 (9 votes)

Bad Beans

After the meal, Alicia burped. Loudly.

Around the campfire the other girls looked up, disgusted rather than perturbed. But screw them. Alicia was counting on them being too polite, in addition to their other faults.

Average: 4.4 (25 votes)


Kent Ashland had never appeared before the Happyland board before, but then again, he’d never created things like the stuff he’d just submitted. He was actually proud of taking risks this time, really working from his personal passions. He actually thought they were calling him up to give him a raise. But now that he saw them…well, they didn’t look happy.

Average: 4.2 (10 votes)


“Two Puffers coming up!” Sofia smiled as she cooked. Get the dough, inject the filling, deep fry, listen to the ooohs as the filling puffed up, spray powered sugar and another heart attack ready to go. As the family walked off she leaned forward and sighed. The job wasn’t horrible, but working an amusement park food stand was not a career. She never got bored at any rate; people seemed to love those fried dough balls, although Sofia suspected they liked seeing them puff up more then the taste. She had tried them and blarg, probably gained weight just by being near the fryers.

Average: 3.5 (6 votes)

Ride of Your Life, The

Everyone had seen the cranes from the highway for months, lifting steel into the air all over the Thrill Zone amusement park. Blaze, the penultimate breakneck roller coaster, was making its debut today. Its features were unparalleled: top speed nearing 80mph, two massive drops, eleven corkscrews, six loops, and over six minutes long, circling the entire park. For the grand finale, the train would vault itself over a missing section of track approximately 250 feet long. Clearly the ride’s designer was less than sane and probably in jail somewhere, but that’s what makes a good coaster.

Average: 3.3 (6 votes)

Gone Tubing

Heather kept glancing backwards as she walked to the beach. She told herself that she was eighteen now, and that the swimsuit she was wearing was appropriate for her age. Heather considered herself rather thin and scrawny, but the bikini top and thong bottom did a good job of presenting her feminine assets and making her look more womanly. All the same, she was glad her parents couldn’t see her as they sunned themselves on the elevated back porch.

Average: 3.4 (7 votes)


“Honey.. are you absolutely sure about this?”

Standing in the surf with water splashing at her ankles, she stares directly at me, her eyes indicating that she’s deadly serious about this.

“Of course I’m sure. I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise.”

“It’s just… it sounds pretty dangerous. And a little dodgy.”

“It’s not. Loads of people on the internet swear by it.”

“On the internet?” I scoff. “Now I’m less convinced.”

Average: 3.3 (6 votes)

Summer Job's Benefit

“I’m not sure I can’t take it!” muffle Bill as he pat his distended tummy.

“Oh, come on little piggy, you got the finish off your dessert if you want your surprise!” respond Halley, smiling playfully and holding a spoon to her boyfriend.

Average: 3.2 (5 votes)

Balloon Race



A thin stream lanced out from the plastic gun and into plastic clown’s wide grin. Atop its hat protruded a pink balloon which swelled at rate faster than his rivals. Within seconds, it popped; a bell rang to signify his victory.

“Winner!” shouted the booth operator from around his cigar. The rivals scuffled off to seek their glory elsewhere in Funland while the operator waved the youth over to the side.

“You been out in the heat all day, kid,” he said between puffs of his cigar. “You ain’t fed up yet?”

Average: 4.2 (6 votes)

Sea Spheres

White sands, sparkling ocean, a lovely, new, gray, one-piece swimsuit to show off. It sounded like the ideal way for Sonya to spend her vacation away from home. All she needed now was a refreshing beverage to beat the blistering heat.

She left her beach spot consisting of her plush blanket and striped umbrella and made her way to the nearest vending machine. Upon approaching the machine, her curiosity was beckoned when two particular choices of cola among the list of selections caught her eye.

Average: 3.5 (4 votes)
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