What is the best way to inflate/bloat yourself for real?

Different things seem to work differently for different people. Most people seem to find using an aquarium pump and a length of tubing into the anus with some form of lubrication such as KY jelly or vaseline easiest. I have to say that the few times i tried that, it didn't work at all and on one occasion i bled on and off for several months. I do realise that's not what most people experience and for the majority it seems to work very well. My tried and tested method is gulping down air the way people do to make themselves burp. Another way, which i'm quite excited about just now, is to use a fresh balloon blown up almost to bursting and let it down while holding it in your mouth as if you're still blowing it up, but if you try that, do be aware of pressure on your eardrums and hold your breath, either in or out, while you're doing it. You also need to be wary of vomiting, hence the empty stomach. However, i've done really well with it. Another obvious method is using various kinds of pump. I've used a footpump recently but it leaks, so get a good one.