Lesson In Inflation, A

Professor Gerald Hughes of the Baltimore University of Inflation was busy packing up his notes when there was a rap on his office door. He sighed, not looking forward to more students, but got up and went to the door anyways. When he peeked out the window of the door, his disappointment increased even more. Outside was Anna Grable, a less than admirable student at the Unversity. She was a slacker, the worst he had seen in many years, and the worst part of it was that she wasn't lazy. She worked hard, but just wasn't smart enough to keep up all the time. The end of the year was coming up soon, and she was currently failing Advanced Studies in Inflation. She deperately needed to pass, or she wouldn't graduate.

Hughes opened the door, and Anna came in.

"Hello, Professor Hughes, thanks for seeing me," Anna said happily.

"Hello, Anna. How may I help you?" asked the tired professor.

"I have a presentation I'd like to give you. It's the presentation for my semester ending project in Professor Carmichael's class, and if it's good enough I can pass his class," she said.

Hughes sighed inside his head. He was sure this would be poor to awful, but he was a good friend of Anna's family. He smiled and said, "Okay, Anna. Show me what you have got."

Anna took a deep breath and then began.

"As we all know, there are the five basic forms of inflation: stuffing with food, inflation with air, bloating with water, pregnancy and its many subclasses, and magical/scientific inflation. We use these five sections for our personal enjoyment and pleasure. I have discovered a theoretical sixth category: inflation with photosynthesis," Anna said excitedly.

Hughes sat up, intrigued. "Explain."

"Have you ever read John Gardiner's book 'Top Secret'?" Anna asked.

"No, I don't think I have."

"In the book, a boy invents a way to convert people from having to eat food to being able to use photosynthesis. My idea is the same in conecpt: I convert people to use light for food, giving something akin to a stuffing without food. My idea consists of a pill, giving one hour of inflation when exposed to sunlight," Anna said, smiling at her achievement.

Professor Hughes nodded, surprised. "I love this idea. However, I think it would be better to if you had a sample pill to use."

Anna nodded and said, "I am coming up with a pill right now. It should be done by next Thursday."

Hughes smiled at the very happy student. "Good! I'm very excited to see what you come up with."

Anna smiled, ran up and hugged the professor, and ran out of the classroom. Professor Hughes smiled and packed up his things to leave.

***

Hughes was busy packing up his things next Wednsday when Anna ran into his open classroom.

"It's done! I got it!" Anna said, ecstatic.

"Got what? The pill?" asked Hughes.

"Yes! I got it to work!" she said, bouncing off the walls.

"Have you tested it?" asked Hughes, but Anna pretended not to hear him, instead running over to the window opening it wide. "Anna, I asked if you tested it?" asked Hughes, growing angry. Anna looked at him, and then popped the pill in her mouth.

"NOOO!" roared Hughes, and looked at Anna. "What are you doing?"

"I'm testing it," Anna said, swallowing the pill. "How do we move without risk?"

"Do you remember lesson 3 in chapter 9?" asked Hughes.

"No, no I don't," said Anna, trying to remember.

"It was about Jim Haverson's study on inflation fiction. Haverson's study found that almost all science-type inflation stories that end in popping are a result of an untested drug, pill, or medicine!"

"Wait, what?"

Anna stopped, but then there was gurgling sound from inside her. She looked down at herself, and soon the effects became apparent. Her belly instantly began to inflate, and she soon had to bend over to support the weight inside of her. She fell onto her butt, and her belly spreading her legs apart. It grew up and out, and soon bending her back until it looked like a C. Hughes watched, horrified, as Anna bloated up like a balloon.

"Mr. Hughes, help! Try to pull me out of the light!" screamed Anna desperately. Hughes ran over and tried to drag the swollen girl out of the light.

"I can't, you're too heavy!" he said, straining to move the bloated belly with arms, legs and a head.

"Oh no," said Anna, rubbing her rapidly expanding tummy. "Ohhh, so full," she moaned.

Hughes watched as the belly expanded and expanded, and and she slowly rose off the floor as the belly grew between her legs.

"Professor, help me!" screamed the distraught Anna.

"There's nothing I can do-" said Hughes, but unfortunately for him, he forgot another finding in Haversons study of inflation fiction: more often than not, the inflatee will explode while either he or an observer is in the middle of a sentance. Anna screamed as her massive swollen belly burst, and luckily for Hughes, he managed to shut his mouth in time.