Help Line

"Micrisoft help line, how may we help you?" Betty spoke into her handless phone.

"Umm... I having a problem with one of your programs." The female voice came from the ear piece. It was a pleasent voice, almost melodic. Immediately betty was jelouse. She immediately associated voices like that with people who were more attractive than she was.

"Yes, Which program?" Betty asked while she thought 'Bitch'.

"Microsoft Word." came the reply.

"Ah yes. I need some information. Let's begin with your name." Betty was bitter, this was supposed to be her day off, but Mathew had gotten sick.

"Mary. Mary Newmar" the woman replied

"Alright. Organization?"

"Our Lady Of Faith Hospital." Betty keyed in the information.

"That should just about do it. What operating system are you using?"

"Windows 95."

"Ohh."

"What?"

"We no longer have Windows 95 here. All we have is Windows 98."

"Maybe I could do what you tell me and tell you what happens."

"Alright. Now what's your problem?" Betty asked, a bit bored.

"I'm doing a write up of a study that I conducted on macromastia; that's a disease where a woman's breasts don't stop growing. Anyway, I was writing my report and I wrote 'In woman A, the cause of the breast growth was' and that was as far as I got because, well, my breasts grew." The woman said the end quietly.

"Okay, so you were typing and -- WHAT? Is this a crank call?" Betty was miffed. There was no way that this person could know that Betty wished she were a bit bigger. However, Betty still, irrationally, got miffed at this person. "I can trace this call and report you to the police." Betty continued.

"No. No crank call. I don't know how it happened." The woman sounded almost on the verge of tears.

"Alright, I won't." Betty reassured the woman.

"Thank-you. I don't know if I could handle it. It's just, I feel so vulnerable right now."

"Could you give me any more information? Do you know what exactly caused it?"

"Well, I have no real way of knowing but I think it was the words breast and growth used in the same sentance."

"Try it again and tell me what happens." Betty instructed the woman.

"Alright, here goes." Betty heard the click of keys then an "Ohh" from Mary. There was a sound not entirely like yet not entirely unlike stretching rubber. "Oww. It happened again. Just let me get my bra off, it hurts." Betty heard the sound of rustling fabric and a relieved sigh from Mary.

"Mary," asked betty when the rustling stopped, "does it happen with just those two words?"

"What do you mean?" came Mary's reply.

"I mean, is it limited to 'breast' and 'grow'? Try 'hooters' and 'get bigger'."

"What?"

"Type in the the words 'hooters' and 'get bigger', press enter, and me what happens." Betty said slowly.

"Okay." There was more clicking then Betty heard the sound that was not entirely unlike stretching rubber again. Mary 'Mmmed' over the phone and reported that it had happened again.

Betty leaned back in her chair and thought about the problem, tapping her temple with one finger. Suddenly she asked, "What about other body parts?"

"You mean like my hands or my legs?"

"Yes, try it with your hips."

"Okay." Betty again heard the clicking followed shortly by the sound that was not entirely unlike stretching rubber again. Mary groaned. "Oh, my jeans are too tight now. Just a sec." Betty heard the sound of a zipper unzipping and creaking fabric. "I can't get my pants down." Mary's voice was getting frantic.

"Try the reverse." Betty suggested.

"Alright." There was the clicking again followed by a buzzer like sound and the sound that was not entirely unlike stretching rubber again, only for about twice as long this time. "Ahh," Mary's voice was getting positively hyterical now, "My hips have grown under the arms of the chair. I can't get out!"

"Nothing seems to work. I should consult with my colleagues. I will call you back soon." Betty said.

"No wait, Miss, yo--" but Mary was too late. Only after she had hung up did Betty realize she had forgotten to get the client's number. Oh well, her shift was up. Besides, she had something she wanted to do at home now.