I welcome all feedback, and constructive criticism! Thankyou
Bike Ride to Forget, A
Date Written:
07/19/2013
"MISSING GIRL". My family were putting up flyers for me.
"Goes by the name of Christina 21, 5' 8" Tall, slim athletic build, long brown hair, with blue eyes, last seen 3 weeks ago".
That was me. A good description although some also say I look like Katy Perry.
It all started a few years ago. I had left school and decided to join an athletics club, I had taken part in a few triathlons and was starting to make it into the pro scene.
I had all the gear, running shoes, a posh expensive bike, and a proper tri suit made from Lycra. Along with this we were also the first to get the latest products, to test for various companies.
I was trying out one of these new products which claimed to inflate a bike tyre using compressed helium. It was tiny, just the size and shape of a bullet, in fact it reminded me very much of the bullet in a James Bond film, which was also filled with compressed air, I assume this idea was a real life development of that. It had a hole in the bottom which you pushed onto the valve of your bike tyre, and before you knew it the tyre was inflated!
I set of on my ride, I was planning to do an 80km ride through the countryside. I had been riding for about 20 minutes when I picked up a puncher.
"Great"
I thought to myself.
"Well at least I can use the new tyre inflator"
I repaired the puncher, removed the inflator from its holder, (which then broke) I can see this isn't going to get great feedback. I placed the inflator on the valve as instructed and pressed down, the tyre inflated almost immediately, I was impressed.
I set off again, only I had to hold the small bullet inflator as the holder had broken. After a few more km's it was getting increasingly awkward to keep hold of the new product, so I decide to put it in my mouth and hold it between my teeth, It was the easiest solution. If I had of lost it I could be sued.
I got about half way and everything was going well, I was putting in good times, and it was a lovely clear sunny day, quiet too until a lorry came speeding past me. It totally startled me, as I jumped and with a gasp I chocked on the inflator! I tried my hardest not to let it go down my throat, but after a few seconds of panic and not being able to breathe, I swallowed!
"Oh shit! That can't be good" I said out loud.
I felt a burp start from my stomach and make its way up.
BUUUUURRRP!!!
Wow that was a big one and not exactly dignified! I stood there holding my bike up waiting to see if there were anymore 'side effects' but there was nothing. I thought it was a good idea get back home as I was 40km away and there was nothing around except countryside.
I set about making my way home, it had been about 30 minutes since I had swallowed the bullet, I hadn't noticed any other effects, I was too busy seething at that bloody lorry driver! As I was riding along I began to feel full, I didn't really pay attention to it until I started to feel rather uncomfortable. I looked down and could see my Lycra tri suit was starting to have a bulge! I put my hand on the bulge and was surprised to realise it was my stomach, It was rounding out!
I stopped to feel what was happening, by this point I looked about 6 months pregnant. I started to panic! I knew I could do nothing from where I was, I needed to get home, and fast!
I peddled faster than ever, every few seconds looking down, and being greeted with a more swollen abdomen. It was like somebody was inflating a bag under my tri suit, I could feel my body turning into a globe from my armpits down to my bum, oddly my breasts didn't inflate, they just got lost in my ballooning midsection. It was getting increasingly difficult to ride the bike and I was still 10km from home, I was now having to sit bolt upright just so my arms could reach the handle bars around my growing body.
I looked around to see if I could find anyone who could help me but there was nobody about. I was now having to rest my arms on my belly and even pushing it down so I could still steer, my Lycra suit was being stretched around the ball I was becoming! I could feel my arms were starting to turn cone shaped.
"This can't be good" I thought.
I could feel my thighs getting bigger and my legs were being forced apart! I gave up trying to pedal and came to a stop, all I could do was fall off the bike as I could no longer bend my arm or legs. As I hit the floor it felt different, rather than land painfully I just bounced! All that helium I was being filled with was starting to make me lighter.
I grabbed the handle bars of the bike, as my body turned into a star shape and started to lift off the floor, I turned upside down as the bike was the only thing keeping me in contact with the floor. My legs started to be lost into my ballooning body, my expensive running shoes ripped off my feet as they too inflated, even my toes turned into round blobs. I could feel my body moving towards my face as my arms now started to be consumed by my growth.
I knew what was coming next before it even happened, I could feel my hands begin to grown, and each finger with it, which despite my best efforts began to prise my now chubby fingers from the only weight I had left!
As my mid section took over half of my face I felt my head inflate too, my cheeks puffed up rendering me speechless my eyes were being force shut. I must have been at least 15 feet round now, with small indents where my feet and hands were, and my tiny inflated head was buried upto my eyes. Amazingly the Lycra of my bodysuit held on, incasing me like a second skin full of sponsorship logos.
As my grip finally gave up I took flight, slowly at first then I rose faster and faster. If anyone had seen me they would of just thought I was a hot air balloon.
Higher and higher I flew blowing up as I went! never to be seen again.
(14 votes)
Wed, 08/07/2013 - 12:53
#3
I welcome all feedback, and
Thu, 08/22/2013 - 14:43
#4
i like it but the ending put
i like it but the ending put me off only reason i dont like those endings is because i think of how sad it is but other than that its really good
Tue, 08/27/2013 - 15:06
#5
The ending kinda implied one
The ending kinda implied one of 2 things to me, she popped, or suffocated in outter space. since if neither of those happened she would have floated back down to earth when the helium leaked out or whatever it is that causes helium balloons to shrink and fall to the ground.
Personally i don't like either of the 2 implied outcomes since I don't like death in stories so much.
Hey! Great concept, I just have a couple of tips to improve your writing.
1) Try not to "name-drop" to describe your characters. Saying your character looks like Katy Perry is lazy in most cases, in this case unnecessary since you already described her adequately in the sentence before that.
2) Don't overuse exclaimation points. Your sentences should speak for themselves.
3) Try to keep in mind proper punctuation and grammar. I know it can be hard to pay attention to such things during the thrill of writing, but just try to edit it afterward.
You're probably thinking that it's just a fetish story, who cares? Well, maybe some people can look past these issues, but I know that I personally can't really take any work of art seriously -whether it be visual or written- if the artist/writer didn't put in the proper effort for the technical aspects.
These tips also apply to serious real-world work. If you don't plan to go into writing, I suppose you can afford to ignore them, but I generally assume that people who post stories online have some sort of interest in improving their craft.
Have a nice day!
http://mayasbiographer.deviantart.com/
http://mayasbiographer.tumblr.com/