Internet is Full of Crazy Ideas, The

Kay and Joseph sat quietly on the couch as reruns of Modern Family hummed in the background. The sun was low on the horizon as it cast a blazing orange tint on the wall of Joseph’s apartment. She scrolled through her Facebook feed on her phone as he finished ordering Chinese food from the restaurant’s delivery website.

“Alright Kay, food should be here in about 45 minutes. If we eat quickly enough we should be able to get to the bar right as happy hour starts.” Said Joseph.

“Uh huh.” replied Kay, half listening as she looked through a Buzzfeed top ten list about puppies.

As usual, Kay looked great for their night out on the town. Her tight, sleeveless black button-down blouse showed off her ample breasts, with the buttons undone just enough to show a little cleavage when desired. Her athletic legs and nice ass were packed tightly into a pair of skinny jeans, which turned more than a few heads when she walked over to the apartment. Her lightly tanned skin showed her Greek roots, and her hazel eyes complimented her brunette hair very nicely. 

After a long week of work they both looked forward to a night out at the bars. It had become a tradition to order Chinese food before heading out ever since that unfortunate evening when Joseph tried to drink on an empty stomach. The Chinese place always took forever to deliver the food, so they had nothing to do but kill time. Kay liked Facebook, and Joseph liked Reddit. Both websites were perfect for wasting hours of time if need be.

After a few minutes of silence, Joseph began to giggle to himself, which slowly turned to full blown laughter as he scrolled through a thread.

“What’s so funny?” Asked Kay.

“Nothing, it’s just a joke I saw on here.” Replied Joseph, “Some poor loser is trying to learn how to talk to girls, so someone suggested that he buy an inflatable doll to practice. Another guy commented, saying ‘If I’ve learned anything from Japanese porn, any woman is inflatable if you blow hard enough.’”

Kay rolled her eyes and smirked as she looked back at her phone. “I think they all need to spend some time outside in fresh air.” She said.

“What, are you saying that’s not true?” Joked Joseph. “Maybe you’re just trying to cover it up now that the big secret is out. You’re going all reverse psychology on me.”

Joseph reached over and tickled Kay’s belly. “Are you afraid I’ll blow this little tummy up like a balloon?”

“Stop that!” Kay laughed as she wriggled away from him. The two began to play wrestle on the couch, with Joseph eventually pinning Kay on her back while holding both of her wrists above her head.

“I guess you win.” Said Kay as she looked seductively into his eyes.

“I guess I do.” He said as he leaned in for a kiss.

Their lips met with mouths slightly open. Kay was lost in the moment until she heard Joseph inhale sharply through his nose.

Fwoosh!

He blew a full breath of air into Kay, making the distinct sound of a balloon inflating. Her eyes shot open as she heard him inhale for a second blow.

Fwoosh!

She felt the air begin to fill her stomach as her belly began to tighten, slightly straining against the buttons of her shirt.

Fwoosh!

Joseph could feel Kay slowly expand underneath him as her belly began to fill out. He put his whole body weight on her to feel it in action and was mesmerized by the sensation of being lifted up with each puff of air. It was like blowing up an air mattress while lying on top of it. He continued to slowly inflate her, with each breath making her a little bit bigger, a little bit tighter, and a little more scared.

What the hell is going on?! Thought Kay in her newly inflated state. She had no idea that this was possible, and now that Joseph was beginning to blow her up she had more questions than answers. He was still on top of her and had her arms pinned, and with their mouths interlocked there was no way for her to tell him to stop. The air was beginning to migrate up towards her breasts.

Fwoosh! Fwoosh! Fwooooooosh!

Ping!

The top button of her blouse shot off towards the ceiling as her growing bust caused the button to finally give out. Her lacy black bra was now completely exposed.

“Mmmph!” moaned Kay as she attempted to get Joseph’s attention. He lifted his head but let go of her hands so he could pinch her mouth shut. She tried to push him off now that her hands were free but it was no use. He quickly grabbed a roll of duct tape from an engineering project off of the coffee table and bound her wrists together.

“What’s the matter Kay? Feeling a little bloated?” Teased Joseph as he sat on top of her now very pregnant looking belly. He bounced up and down like an excited child on his first hippity hop, causing her body to emit a low rubbery creak. Her boobs were incredibly tight from the air, and a quick squeeze showed that they had very little give.

“You know what I think the problem is? This shirt is just too small for you. Let me help you get it off!” Joseph said as he slid off of her belly and knelt down next to her face. He planted his lips on hers again and began to blow.

Fwoosh!

Ping!

Fwoosh!

Ping!

Fwoosh!

Ping!

Each blow caused another button to pop off of Kay’s blouse. Air was now moving down to her ass and legs, struggling to stay contained in the already tight pair of skinny jeans. Tan bubbles of skin began to break through the stitching on the sides as her jeans began to come apart at the seams. A lone button struggled to stay on her blouse as she filled with more and more air.

“What’s this? Looks like this button doesn’t want to give up!” Said Joseph as he took a quick break to admire his work. Kay had to be about four feet across by now, and her breasts were the size of beach balls. Her ass had also blown up quite a bit too, but it was still constrained by her pants.

Oh God! I’m so full! Thought Kay as she lay helplessly on the couch. Why is he doing this? He proved his point a long time ago! If he keeps going like this I’m going to pop!

Joseph leaned back in to see if he could bust the button off of her blouse with another good puff of air.

Fwoosh!

Crack!

The tape holding her wrists together tore as her inflated arms shot to her sides, the pressure causing them to stick out in a “T” formation.

Fwoosh!

Riiiip!

Her pants finally gave as they tore to shreds, leaving Kay in nothing but her lacy bra and matching black panties.

Fwooooosh!

Ping!

The last button finally gave out after a valiant effort. Now that she was in nothing but her underwear, Joseph stood up. The pressure was so intense that he didn’t have to pinch her lips closed anymore to keep the air in. He stood back and admired what Kay had become.

“Look at you, you big beautiful balloon!” he exclaimed. “Who would’ve thought that would work?”

He ran his hand along her belly and gave it a light slap, hearing the deep echo go through her whole body.

“I… want to say this is it. I’ve had my fun and saw what I wanted to see, but I should really start to deflate you before you accidentally roll onto something sharp. If you exploded in my face we’d both be in a lot of trouble”

Joseph walked into his bedroom and began to rummage around.

Ok, he hasn’t gone completely insane. Kay thought in relief. For a second there I thought he was going to go all the way.

After a couple minutes he returned with a huge, devilish grin while wearing an old hockey helmet. Under his arm was a bike pump.

“With this baby I can finish the job while hiding behind the sofa, completely out of harm’s way!” Said Joseph as he walked over to Kay.

“MMMMMPHHH!!!” She moaned as he shoved the hose inter her mouth. He then ducked behind the couch and lifted the plunger.

“Kay, I’m sorry but I have to see this through to the end. There’s simply no going back now.”

Psssssssst

The air hissed into her drum tight body as he slowly pushed the plunger down.

That bastard! Thought Kay. He’s actually going to pop me like some cheap party balloon! After everything we’ve been through… I’m just a piece of rubber to him. A balloon girl for his own amusement. Nothing more, nothing less.

Tears began to stream down her face as she accepted her fate. He continued to pump from behind the couch.

Pssssssst

Bang!

Her bra and panties finally snapped off, leaving her completely exposed.

Psssssssst

Pop!

Her belly button went from an innie to an outie, the final warning sign that she was about to blow. More air was being forced into her with every pump, but she was just getting tighter and not growing at this point. Creaks and groans could be heard from her nearly translucent body.

Pssss….

This is it. She thought. I can feel it. This next pump is going to pop me. I just wish I could’ve-

BOOOOOM!

She exploded into a million pieces as bits of tan rubber flew around the room. The tv and windows were both completely blown out. The couch cushions were nothing more than mangled pieces of fabric and stuffing. Papers of all kinds were scattered about the apartment. Joseph could barely stand up as he used a chair to support himself, his legs still shaking after being thrown across the room. The ringing in his ears subsided just in time to hear a knock at the door.

Knock-Knock

“Hey, it’s Jade Garden Chinese delivery… Are you ok in there?”