Charlie Broadway Review, Kind Of

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Anonymous
Charlie Broadway Review, Kind Of

Hi all. So I've had the displeasure of having audio files of the new Broadway show sent to me and as you may know it just opened a day or two ago.

It's fucking abysmal. They took the somewhat mediocre to okay London show and fucking eviscerated it. I'm talking about the whole show in general is a fucking sham. It can't possibly last more than 2 years. WB is obviously on a roll with this license...

It gets just as bad or worse for Violet. In case none of you know they took one of the only good songs in the show, Juicy!, out completely. Violet doesn't even have a demise song at all. The other winners get both an Oompa song and their old London songs. Violet gets neither. Let me explain

So Violet's scene start's off just like in London. I'm not going to dig too much into that. The tune from "Gum!" still plays in the background and she asks for gum. In this treatmemt Wonka is slightly more specific. He explains that there's too much much juice in the dessert and that other juices are okay but blueberry in particular is the problem and obviously that's the piece that his machine produces.

Before I proceed further some lines in this scene read exactly like a DevintArt Violet story which if anything just tells me how horrible this musical's book really is. Wonka tells her about the juices and she literally says, "I don't care about dessert Wonka I care about fame and this stuff's gonna make me HUGE." 
Emphasis isn't mine it's actually how she says it. It's such an easy bait pun they really couldn't think of anything else? Right after she tells dad to film it her chewing the gum. Blah blah blah she talks about the flavors.

In a twist after she hits dessert she actually swallows the gum and mentions it. Then of course she starts to blow up. Think typical omg Violet's blowing up dialogue. She then goes off stage like in London but wait. Wasn't Juicy! supposed to play right now?
Yeah but instead they just completely forget about her. Wonka mentions that the Oompa Loompas will fix her up and the conversation devolves into what should've been the conversation when the Oompa Loompas are first introduced. Then all of a sudden percussion starts playing and one of the worst songs ever starts to play.

When Willy Met Oompa. It's an absolute abortion of a song and I'm not just saying that because it removed Juicy!. It's aboslutely fucking horrible and most of the critics reviewing this show have singled this song out for how absolutely dumb it is. It's a shitty wannabe bolero/samba about how Wonka saved the Oompas from LoompaLand. I assure you it's even worse than what you're possibly thinking in your head at the moment. Why in the ever living hell would they replace an amazing adaptation of Disco/Funk/Soul and replace it with this shitty ass "Latin" Dance song. Like it's so fucking bad I was expecting someone to scream Ole!

Anyway near the end of the song a giant "Violet" rolls across the stage. This is where some prior confusion occured. This "Violet" is actually just a giant prop and her screaming is obviously from some backstage mic. This kind of highlights the fact that what should be Violet's scene has been hijacked. Surely the audience must be wondering what the fuck is happening. The dissonance and lack of cohesion between these scenes is jarring. Anyway Shitty Bolero 2017 ends with a bang literally because Violet has exploded offstage. If you haven't seen audio/video of Juicy! from London I implore you too. It's honestly as far as I'm concerned the best adaptation of Violet's demise that's been produced all around. The fact that they devolved that to some shit that even the Lagniappe High School production beat is fucking shameful especially since tickets average $150 for this dreck.

Anyway Mr. Beauregarde remarks that she has exploded for comedic effect. But he doesn't.
This next exchange highlights another fatal flaw of this Broadway port. Lines and performances between the adaptations have completely changed. It seems obvious to me that Sam Mendes is a fucking genius and Jack O'Brien is a fucking joke.
In London when Eugene Beauregarde exclaims that Violet exploded it's funny. Despite the circumstances his absolute dumbfoundedness for the situation translates through his delivery to the point that it's funny in a stupid reassuring way. The show is letting us knowthat even though she blew up we shouldnt feel too bad about what we just witnessed.
Not here. This Eugene's three time repeat of the line "She exploded!" is the delivered exactly the way a dad would deliver it if he legitimately saw his daughter explode. It's just ugh. Like we went from LOL OOMPA LOOMPAS to my daughter is dead.
This musical is simply brain dead. Don't even let me get into Veruca getting torn apart limb by limb and the squirrels doing a ballet routine with her pulled apart limbs as her head is screaming as it tumbles down the garbadge chute.

But hey good news guys they're not dead! In the ultimate shitty DA Factory Tour twist of all not only are the victims put together but Charlie decides to hire them in his factory!
Augustus is a taste tester, Veruca handles acquisitions (get it?), Mike IT, and Violet does social media.
Where have I heard such an idea before? I'm not saying random inflationists created this trope of sorts but I will say that usually when it's written it's pretty poorly executed. This is no different.

I live right by NYC now so I was wanting to see this but at this point even I can't. It's fucking abysmal. All hope of this being a thing we could see new material branch from is dead guys.
This plus fucking Tom and Jerry is starting to get me really queasy about WB owning the license to the IP with no Dahl oversight.
Next up Wonka solo movie. It's not looking good guys. Sigh. 

Infiltrator

...wow

Process

You were expecting a decent inflation scene on a Broadway stage? 

Margeret Moonlught
Margeret Moonlught's picture

See this is why I simply don't get blueberry inflation. 

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BttrfliesNHurricanes (not verified)

Oh god you guys totally missed the point. 

My rant has more to do with how crap the show is itself than the blueberry scene. But since we're talking about that yeah. The actual inflation part of it seems to be the same as London so no complaints there. It's everything around it that's crap and for a $150 per ticket Broadway show that's horrible. 

Despite my obvious interest in the Violet scene I actually truly love he Wonka mythos a lot so to see it ruined in a dumpster fire is infuriating. 

Margeret Moonlught
Margeret Moonlught's picture

Ah, That clears things up actually. 

However I do feel like this might be better suited for, say, A Wonka fandom forum? 

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BttrfliesNHurricanes (not verified)

True True. For better or for worse the streams cross quite a bit here. I just had a lot to get out and unfortunately BI got to see my word salad. I'll try to be more metered next time. 

Berry-DukeAlt

this was savage XD Maaaaaan, I never watched the broadway performances, but this review alone may be all I need to know.

Lopni

And i liked it ^_^ From time to time one of the grands used to make a review of someone's stories, it was a fantastic tradition! And this is a performance review, in a style reminding of Sven's logic and Alec's humour (or vice versa?). Don't dare to make it your last one! It's so cool we have reviews again ^_^

clovis

There was talk of a podcast a while back.  This kind of review would be perfect for such a thing.

juicylittlegrl

I'm still so curious about this scene!  Surprisingly, no pics or vids have leaked onto the web, at least that I've seen.  Anybody else seen it or hear anything good or bad???

Another Canadian Guy
Another Canadian Guy's picture

This post was more of a show than the actual show. Bravo!

(Not on here too often, replies might be slow.)