Just One Dance

Two quick squirts of Axe Phoenix. Sixteen minutes of laboriously brushing teeth. An eighty dollar dress jacket. Sixty dollar slacks, a twenty dollar purple tie and a forty dollar, yellow Van Heusen shirt. Shiny black dress shoes. Nearly thirty minutes arranging said tie to just the right length and position. Finally, after so much time, effort and money, I was ready.

Ready for my first dance with my new girlfriend.

See, I’d had two others before her and, frankly, they scared the heck out of me. My first girlfriend turned out to be involved in some sort of bizarre cult. Along with wearing clothing made only out of leather, she described, in gory detail, ceremonies her family and congregation would perform that centered around the sacrifice of small animals. After I mentioned having a mole problem in my backyard, she proceeded to take care of it. While I watched. Needless to say, after she washed the mud and other things off, I broke up with her.

My second girlfriend, on the other hand, loved animals. More than life itself, I bet. She normally spent as much of her free time as possible at shelters and vet’s offices. In fact, her entire family was this way, and her house swarmed with animals. Animals as in not strictly pets. One time, when I visited her house, I was attacked by her “pet” opossum. Not only did I have to get rabies shots and convince my parents not to pursue legal actions, I had to listen to her blame me for getting attacked. Once more, over the issue of animals, I had to leave another girl.

But Kristen…ah, was she different in every way! Tall, athletic, tan, blonde… She amazed me. Her sport of choice was volleyball, she told me. Of course, all my friends decided that she was on something or pitied me when she decided to go out with me. I mean, we didn’t exactly match. I’m short-ish, kinda geeky and scrawny-looking. Thanks to a good friend of mine, my “source” as he enjoyed being called, I found out she is genuinely in love with me. He also hinted we’d have tons in common. I’ve met her family and pet not opossum and she’s assured me she doesn’t have any odd, strange, or bloody hobbies or beliefs.

“Get out of the bathroom!” my mother called in a rather screeching voice. “Your date is here!” Grinning wildly, I flew out of the bathroom to see my angel standing in the front doorway. As though on cue, the sun dropped low enough to illuminate her from behind. Her dark blonde hair glowed like twenty-four karat gold. Her shapely silhouette caressed my eyes. After being assaulted by the extreme light and indescribable beauty emanating from my front door, I had to blink rapidly. After clearing my eyes, I was able to take in her dress.

It was a conservative creation, something I rather appreciated for our first dance. It was a shimmering black without sleeves and a lower-cut back. It was looser, higher cut in the front, and fell to about her knees. A soft gold trim lined the neck line, not-sleeves, and hem. Starting from her neck and ending just at the center of her chest were a row of shining gold buttons. Around her middle, just above her waist, she had fastened a wide purple belt.

“Ready for dinner?” she asked, her voice like singing without actually singing, her lower, melodious voice massaging my ears. “I found myself majorly in the mood for sushi today, but I’ll let it be up to you.” I found myself struggling to answer, since I was so bedazzled by her appearance. She made my struggle harder when she added, “You look amazing tonight! I can’t wait to get out on the dance floor with you!” I almost fainted at the genuine eagerness in her voice.

“Sushi…sushi sounds wonderful!” I finally managed to stammer, still finding the skill to form coherent thoughts elusive. Smiling at my awestruck state, she reached out and grabbed my hand. For the first time in my life, I felt a spark. The spark of having that right person touch you. Like a surge of static electricity, only far less painful and far more…well, right. It tingled, and boy did it feel good! After shaking my hand and grinning stupidly, I glanced at Kristen and noticed something strange. Her loose dress seemed to be a bit tighter. Her stomach pushed a little more against her belt, her legs and arms seemed the tiniest bit thicker, her breasts pushing against her dress. But, it seemed impossible. So I ignored it.

We both climbed into my car and drove across town to the Japanese place. The comfortable feeling had temporarily abandoned us, as neither of us knew how to act. The source was right! All of her interests just seemed to mesh with mine. We ordered the exact same thing, we discussed the apocalypse genre in detail, nearly exhausted the restaurant’s supply of Dr. Pepper, and doodled on all of our napkins. On our way to the school, she placed her hand on my knee as I drove. The wonderful shock of delight again passed between us so suddenly, I almost took a left turn into oncoming traffic. A much greater amount of my body tingled after the initial shock. Definitely a feeling I couldn’t get enough of. Once again, when I glanced over at her, she just seemed bigger. Her stomach was very obviously crushed under her belt. Her breasts poked out even farther.

“Thank you so much,” she said softly, her gorgeous blue eyes capturing mine, driving her increasing size from my mind. My attention was not on the road for quite some time, so why I didn’t crash was anyone’s guess. “I didn’t realize we shared so much when I met you.” My heart was turning joyous somersaults in my chest. My source was perfect! But it felt like he was hiding something…

“You’re very welcome!” I replied, reluctantly returning my eyes to the road. “This is the best time I’ve ever had on a date!” I spared a moment to give her a longing look. She was momentarily distracted by the mirror as she checked her make-up. “In fact, I should be thanking you! Even though I haven’t had a great relationship history, you’re just perfect! You have been so much better than my past girlfriends! It has to be!”

I looked over to her again, but this time, something else occupied her gaze. Only for the tiniest moment, then she was fine again. I failed to register anything was wrong.

“Here we are!” Kristen sang, assisting me in turning into the parking lot I almost missed in my reverie. I pulled effortlessly into a parking spot and turned off the engine. As the car settled, I flipped on the lights so Kristen could finish her make-up. I watched our friends as they made their way to the gym, ecstatic thoughts making their way around my head.

This was such a wonderful night! I was having the time of my life, and the dance hadn’t even started yet! Kristen easily defeated my first two girlfriends. This was undoubtedly the beginning of an astounding relationship. Once more, she touched me, and yet another powerful jolt of perfection passed through my body. Even more of me tingled than last time. This time, I could easily tell she felt it too. A pop caught our attention. Once more, she had swollen a bit, and her growing breasts popped one of the buttons off. I could almost hear the belt groaning. Her radiant, slightly embarrassed smile made my heart race.

“Let’s go!” she said excitedly. “We don’t wanna miss the first dance!” We both leapt out of the car and nearly sprinted to the gym doors. Another feat that astonished me, since she was wearing epic heels.

Ah, high school dances. I’ll never forget those cheesy decorations, crummy “refreshments”, or irritating chaperones as long as I live. My least favorite was a friend of mom’s. She was overly religious, taught at the high school, and obviously still believed we were in 6th grade. During slow dances and dances including any sort of pelvis grinding, she would flip out. “Save room for the Holy Ghost!” She would shriek at the perpetrators.

Kristen slapped the five onto the desk before I could open my wallet.

“Eager, aren’t we?” croaked the ancient science teacher, Mr. Myers. He took the money as slowly as possible, handed Kristen back her change, and lethargically marked x’s on our hands. Kristen nodded patiently until he was done, then she pulled my arm in the direction of the crowd.

Each minute of pounding music that passed made me more and more certain that Kristen was the girl I had always wanted to be with. We both danced like fools and, when songs like Thriller or the Macarena played, we showed everyone up by doing the choreography perfectly. After an hour or so, we emerged from the crowd to cool ourselves off and get our pictures taken. We got our “professional” pictures taken. “Professional” being standing next to a silly cardboard backdrop and holding one another like there was a large person between us. Actually, I was fine with any sort of contact with Kristen. The moment the camera snapped, Kristen took my sleeve and dragged me back to the dance floor.

Another two hours later, the dance concluded with the Cupid Shuffle. An odd way to end a dance, but everyone was admittedly exhausted. Laughing and sweating, Kristen and I made our way to a bench right outside the building. I gladly threw myself onto the cold bench while Kristen sat in a daintier and more dignified manner. Even though it was chilly outside, once Kristen and I started looking into each other’s eyes, it all disappeared.

“This has been amazing!” Kristen sighed, her eyes still gazing into mine, but something behind them changed. Was it her growing? “You are the first person to treat me so nicely!”

“I think this is definitely a good start!” I replied contentedly. “You’ve made me so happy! I didn’t think it would be possible. I really do not want this evening to end!” Kristen’s brilliant smile faded and she looked away, her eyes tearing up. At the same moment, my cell phone went off, playing a ringtone I’d never heard before. With a jerk, Kristen looked me in the eyes, panic written on her face. Her eyes were on the verge of spilling over, and she appeared to be praying with all her might against something. Distressed at how Kristen was acting, I flipped the phone open.

“Hello?” I greeted the mystery person with a sense of foreboding.

“Hey, it’s me!” Answered the voice of my source. His voice was that of a friendly sounding male. “I know your dance just ended and it’s a bad time, but I need to talk to you about Kristen. Quickly.”

“What about her?” I asked slowly. Behind me, I could hear her crying. My heart sank, full of fears that couldn’t possibly be true.

“Well, it’s kinda about you, too, actually. See, when you asked me about girls like you at school here, who’d be interested in a lasting relationship, liked what you like, and didn’t have odd, gruesome pastimes, I was just out of luck.” My source explained, his calm demeanor slowly dissipating. “But then, I remembered a friend of mine…um…I mean, I met her in strange circumstances, and I didn’t know where she was from, and…I…”

“But I love you!” Kristen cried out, whirling to look me in the face. It was nowhere near the conditions I would have preferred to hear these words, or say them. “I didn’t want it to turn out like this!”

“Where?!” I shouted at the phone and Kristen simultaneously. “Where are you from?”

At precisely that moment, a loud, mechanical humming filled the still air, shattering any form of peace. Blinding, multi-colored lights exploded into life from somewhere in the sky, performing the best light show I’d ever seen. I looked straight up and saw a silvery metal disk, about one hundred yards across. It was obvious the thing was rotating, but the source of the lights seemed to be a complete mystery. My eyes were as wide as plates, and the phone slipped from my slackened grip. No way…

Kristen was also staring at the disk in shock, but her shock stemmed from a different place. “NO!” she screamed at the inanimate metal object. “Please, just let me stay! I’m happy the way I am!” In response to her screaming, a lone beam of white light appeared over her. Golden hair flying everywhere, her beautiful face twisted in terror and grief, she began to float up to the center of the space ship. As she floated there, her body almost literally exploded. In the smallest fraction of time, she changed from a trim, fit, athletic girl to a balloon. With an explosive pop, her wide belt burst off of her in order to allow her stomach to swell as I’d never seen before. Her arms and legs stuck out as they swiftly filled with…whatever. She rotated slightly, and I watched her shapely butt grow and lose definition, becoming part of her spherical body. Her loose dress hadn’t been loose for no reason. It had grown and allowed her expanding body without ripping. Her head, hands, and feet stuck awkwardly from her ball-shaped body. Another full rotation occurred before her sad eyes met mine. Her face had not changed. It was as slender and kind-looking as before.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice choked with grief. Using all my strength, I grabbed a rare fold of dress and managed to pull her back down to the ground. My hands ran across her tight body, hoping she didn’t pop or anything. The thought of losing her made me want to wrap my arms around her, no matter how round she was. While she looked slightly impressed, the sadness never left her face, like she realized the beam was just giving me my moment. “This shouldn’t have happened. It was a complete mistake! I love you, but I can’t take you, my parents would be furious, but I can’t stay, or I’ll be disowned, but…” I interrupted her sad rant by kissing her on the lips, a rather difficult task since her swollen body got in my way. She relaxed, then began to kiss back. I felt her tears falling onto my face. My mind reeled at the amazement that this was happening: such a passionate kiss after one date, the fact that I had found someone who loved me just as much as I loved her, the fact that that perfect person was an alien, the fact that she was actually a balloon, and that she was being taken back to where she came from by her parents. As though the beam was tired of waiting, it intensified, lifting me off the ground and breaking our kiss apart.

“Will I ever see you again?” I asked, trying to keep my voice hopeful. I let go and fell the short distance to the ground. “I’ll never stop thinking about you!”

Kristen looked off into the distance, trying not to start crying again. “I hope so. I hope so…” Her eyes fell to see mine again, and she waved with difficulty. Like a solar eclipse, her enormous body blocked the bright beam of light as she disappeared into the ship. All the lights suddenly vanished and with a monstrous roar, the ship flew away. I picked the phone up again and placed it at my ear.

“I’m in love with a balloon,” I said blankly, unable to form any sort of emotion.

“I’m so sorry,” my source replied, his voice shaky. He had no idea what to say, just as much as I did. “I just ran into her and communicated often…I didn’t know any of this would happen.” Still as blank and pale as a fresh piece of printing paper, I closed my phone and staggered hopelessly back to my car.