Snorkel Technique, The

A waft of burnt pumpkin followed the moonlight between the curtains. As the cool, white light crept across the carpet, its iridescent glow glinted off ceramic straighteners and boxes of makeup. Eventually the moon lowered enough to beam over the large double bed in the middle of the room. As the light crawled across the covers, the slender figure occupying the bed shifted to face away from the window.

As the bed creaked under its moving occupant, the sound stirred another creature that dwelled below it. Amongst the shadows under the bed, two bright, orange eyes appeared from within a contorted pile of scaly limbs. Slowly the creature began to uncurl, the smell of flame cooked pumpkin reminding it of its purpose. With a creaking yawn, the scaly monster bore an arc of razor sharp teeth. It then stretched its muscular limbs before arching its spiny back. As the monster changed stance, the row of spikes lining its spine pressed between the boards of the bed and into the soft mattress. The creature froze.

There was a sudden shuffling atop the bed, then and edgy silence.

The monster gritted its teeth. ‘Damn!’

Having failed the stealth approach, the monster slouched, its eyes dimming slightly. Almost reluctantly, the monster crawled out from beneath the bed. Keeping a low profile as it glanced around the girly room. This wasn’t going to be much fun now…

In a last ditch attempt at dramatisation, the monster shot upright beside the bed, holding its arms menacingly above its head while emitting a deep growl from its open jaws.

As if punctured with a pin, the monster’s stature deflated. Its eyes came upon its victim who was pre-emptively employing the cover tactic. Utterly hidden beneath the thick duvet, the bed’s occupant was now completely untouchable by monsters.

The monster stared down at the mound in the middle of the bed. It watched as the duvet rose and fell with the breathing of the person inside it. Suddenly the monster had an idea.

Noticing its target had also implemented the snorkel technique (using a simple scuba snorkel to avoid suffocation beneath particularly thick covers) the monster slowly stepped around the room, tip toeing around glossy magazines and underwear, until it was on the side of the bed with the snorkel.

The monster bent over, listening to the rhythmic breaths that went in and out of the snorkel. Opening its jaws, the monster slowly leant over until the snorkel was in its mouth. It took in a deep breath before biting the snorkel and blowing into it.

There was little resistance as the air flowed down the snorkel, almost instantly the covers on the bed rose by about a foot. The monsters orange eyes sparkled as it drew a second breath. It bit down again and blew harder this time. The muffled sound of air entering a balloon came from beneath the duvet. The covers rose even more this time, now forming a dome shape.

The monster, now very excited, continued blowing into the snorkel until the mound under the covers was almost two meters in diameter. It watched as the duvet rose up atop its inflating occupant. Drawing deeper and deeper breaths, the monster blew as much air as it could into its victim until they were no longer covered.

The bottom of a big round blob was now visible beneath the square duvet. The monster licked its lips upon seeing the victims, smooth stretched underbelly. It furiously blew more and more air into the snorkel until the sound of creaking rubber emanated from the expanding sphere. A particularly deep breath caused two swollen balloons to burst out of a laced bra below the snorkel.

However the duvet still hid the victim’s head, the snorkel poking out from under it. The monster could see the cover starting to slide though… just a few more puffs.

The victim’s body creaked and groaned as it grew too big. Pumped with vast volumes of air, the enormous sphere wobbled about on top of the bed. The monster continued to blow as much air as it could into the snorkel, its eyes focused on the slipping duvet.

‘Just a little bigger, and the duvet will’ BANG!

The monster was thrown backward as its victim exploded like an overinflated balloon. Rags of flesh scattered around the room as the duvet fell back down onto the bed.

‘Oops’ Thought the monster, a pair of laced underwear draped over its nose.