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She moved through the water with an angel's grace, her form as lithe and honed as her body.  She spoke little, yet her presence parted crowds as easily as the waves.  Many approached her, yet all found her cold and distant, turned down time and again by the same phrase.

"Your body is only seventy percent water.  I could never put you before swimming."

He stared at her. "What does that mean?"

"Exactly as it sounds." She scaled the ladder, water dripping down her one-piece swimsuit as she exited the pool. "Water is my first love, and this pool-" She made a sweeping gesture as she walked past him. "-is one point four two eight five seven times you by volume.  By asking me out, you are valuing yourself, at minimum, one point four two eight five eight times more highly than you should."

His mouth moved wordlessly for a second as he began to trail after her. "I'm not asking you to give up swimming, I'm just asking you out on a date."

"I understand that.  My answer is still no."

He held his hands out pleadingly, wracking his brain for something that he could say to change her mind, before stopping and letting his arms fall to his sides in defeat. "Please, I'll do anything."

She stopped abruptly, still facing away from him. "Anything."

"Yeah, anything."

She turned her head, looking intently at him over her shoulder. "Anything," she repeated, interest creeping into her voice.

He nodded vigorously. "Just name it."

Wordlessly, she took him by the wrist and lead him around the edge of the pool towards the opposite wall.  It was just enough time for the silence to grow awkward; he debated filling it with small talk before realizing that it would probably only make things -more- awkward, and so resigned himself to waiting until they reached their destination.

She let go of his hand a few paces from the wall, and he stopped while she continued on towards a faucet attached to a coil of hose.  She picked up the hose and opened the faucet, causing a steady stream of water to pour from the nozzle onto the tile floor as she returned to him. "If you are attempting to compete with swimming for my affections," she began, "the simplest solution would be to decrease the ratio by increasing the denominator."

He blinked. "I... don't understand?"

"Allow me to demonstrate."  With that, she thrust the end of the hose forward, wedging it firmly into his navel.

He recoiled, suddenly aware of a rising feeling of pressure and weight.  He clutched at his growing stomach with one hand, attempting to pull the hose free with the other only to find it stuck fast.  Staring in shock, he watched as he quickly grew a beer gut that continued to grow, jutting out in front of him.  The pressure began to spread lower, and he glanced down to see that his hips, too, were rapidly widening. "What's going on?!"

"As I said, I'm increasing the denominator."

His thighs brushed against each other as his legs doubled and tripled in girth, the water filling them out into thick, soft pillars.  Behind him his backside kept pace, his swim tights stretching to contain him as he grew increasingly pear-shaped. "I'm filling with water?!"

"Yes, as I said.  It's almost as if you have no understanding of basic algebra."

As his stomach swelled down to his knees he grasped it as best he could, hands sinking into his sides as he tried to lift it to keep from falling forward.  As he did, though, the water inside of him shifted, pushing his hips out another several inches.  His center of balance thrown off, he fell backwards, wobbling and audibly sloshing as his butt hit the ground.

Coming to rest he felt the pressure in his upper body rise, and his hands flew to his chest in time for him to feel it fill, fingers spreading as it grew.  It quickly worked its way up down his sides and up his shoulders, then down his arms; he was helpless to stop it as he watched the last parts of his body take on a rounded fatness that kept growing without pause.  As his stomach continued to fill with gallons of water he stared pleadingly at her; despite the fact that he was sitting down, his ass was so large that he was eye-to-eye with her. "Turn it off.  Please."

She leaned forward, elbows pressing into his stomach as she held her head in her hands. "Why?"

He felt his stomach brush against his shins as his arms were slowly forced out to his sides. "I'm getting too full!"

"So?"

His legs and arms swelled around his wrists and ankles. "'So?'  I'm going to... to..."

"Going to pop?" She reached down with one hand, wedging the hose more deeply into his navel; as she returned to her position he became aware of a faint yet slowly rising pressure from deep inside him, pushing his skin out in all directions.  "Not yet you aren't."