Dullahan

The day was overcast and cloudy, as it had been for the week prior.  The gentleman had settled in for some quiet study in the library, when the manor's front doorbell rang.  Sighing, he set down his sudoku book and pencil and proceeded through the manor, cursing himself for not hiring a butler.  As he reached the door the bell rang again, and he muttered a weary "yes, yes, I hear you" as he peeked through the keyhole.  Spotting a figure with red skin and silver-on-black eyes, he immediately reached for the lock.

There was a series of thumps at the door. "I know you're there," a woman said. "Your car is parked outside."

Well, he thought, it's certainly a change from how they normally approached him.

He opened the door to find two demons - there really was no mistaking it after how many he had seen, though in an odd change of pace for him, both were wearing street clothes.  One appeared to be a long-haired and particularly endowed woman in her early twenties, at least six and a half feet tall, not including the large horns curling up from the sides of her head.  The other was in his late teens, albeit barely standing at five feet, with purple skin, ram's horns and what looked like a leather collar around his neck.  His head was approximately on the same level as her breasts, and the gentleman wondered if he didn't consider that a perk of their relationship.

The woman waved. "Hi.  I'm Nicole Stenam.  You bought this house from my father, Derek Stenam?"

He took a moment to think. "Yes, I recall.  His... proclivities have been no end of trouble for me.  I've had many visitors come for him, but he left no forwarding address."

Nicole nodded. "That sounds like dad, alright.  Anyway, I'd like to buy it back from you." She glanced behind him. "Can we come inside?"

"Are you going to try to have sex with me?"

"Sorry, I'm a one-man woman." She looked down at the younger demon - or at least the younger-looking one. "Lilu, did you want to?"

Lilu gave her a curious look before shaking his head. "I had no plans to, no."

"A welcome change." He stepped to the side, gesturing for them to enter.  As they passed by he said, "might I ask why you're interested?"

"Well, it -did- belong to my family for a long time.  Plus it's easier and less time-consuming than re-finding all the books and artifacts he found and re-building all the... well, you've probably found them."

"Just the one in the library," he replied, shutting the door. "I've been using it for storage."

Nicole stopped in the foyer and sniffed the air. "I think I know what you've been storing.  It smells like demon sex in here."

"For the record, I'm not averse to selling it to you.  But I do have... problems, that need to be taken care of first."

"Problems?"

"Problems within your area of expertise."

She looked at him over his shoulder. "Really."

The gentleman nodded. "A demon has its eye on my life, it would seem.  I believe it's a dullahan."

"Dullahans aren't demons.  They're unseelie fairies."

"Oh, I see.  Well, if that's the case, then perhaps someone else knows-"

"No, I'm just saying.  But if you need help, I'll help.  Fairies ain't shit."

"Thank you.  If there's anything you require, simply name it."

She turned, holding up an index finger. "First of all, I'm going to need a rope and a basket.  Secondly, Lilu?"

"Yes?"

"Pop the trunk on the car."


*****


The air was still and silent as Nicole crouched in the foyer, Lilu standing beside her.  Outside the skies had darkened and, in the distance, thunder rolled across the sky.  Suddenly the deadbolt on the door turned and the chain slid free of their own accord, moved by some unseen force.  The knob turned and the door swung open to reveal a pale woman with long red hair, clad in dark armor. "Your time has co-"

Her eyes went wide just before Nicole speared her, slamming into her waist shoulder-first and tackling her with enough force to send both their bodies sailing outside and over the porch, hitting the ground beyond.  With her body pulled out from beneath her the dullahan let out a cry as her head spun in midair and fell to the ground with a thump, wispy black smoke streaming from both ends of her neck.  As soon as it fell Lilu broke into a sprint, yanking the dullahan's head up by the hair as he ran outside, continuing past Nicole and the dullahan's body, the latter now straddling the former by her waist and holding her arms down by her wrists.

Needless to say, she was not at all pleased at the turn of events. "How dare you!" she barked. "Unhand me at once, you demonic thrall!  Both of you!"

Lilu slid to a stop at the rear of the car, free hand hovering over the contents of the trunk before spotting and picking up the end of a hose. "Our service to the individual inside is entirely voluntary, thank you."

"Cease your meddling at once!  His soul is mine!"

He sighed as he set her head down, shoving the hose into her mouth before quickly opening the valve on a connected tank as far as it would go. "I'm sure he's heard that a lot by now."

The gas streamed into the dullahan, her bulging cheeks squeezing her lips tight around the hose.  Her look of confusion quickly turned to shock as, elsewhere, the effects made themselves apparent.

Her body stopped struggling in Nicole's grasp for a brief moment before resuming its flailing.  Nicole could feel the dullahan's waist swell between her legs and her arms thicken in her hands, and soon she could see her armor rise up on her, the straps beginning to strain as clothed flesh began to peek out.  There was the sound of creaking leather and Nicole quickly dismounted her, giving her body a clear berth as she headed back inside.

One by one, the straps gave way.  Free from their pressurized confinement her body exploded outward, hurling bits of armor into the air.  Arms swelled like overstuffed sausages, legs grew thick, the stitching on her boots splitting down her calves to the ankles, breasts grew to eclipse her non-present head, and hips, waist, and backside all disappeared into a single round torso.

The body continued to flail, rocking back and forth on a curved back before falling into a rhythm, the swings of its limbs moving it further from side to side until it tipped over onto its front.  Awkwardly rising to its feet, it turned towards its head and slowly approached it with a bow-legged, shuffling gait, waving both arms as it struggled against a pneumatic stiffness that tried to force them to its sides.

Nicole exited the house, tightening a knot of rope on the handle of a basket.  Looking up at the dullahan's body, now halfway to the car, she arched an eyebrow. "Huh," she said. "She figured out how to stand up."

"Rather quickly," Lilu added.

Approaching, she gave it a swift kick in the backside. "Well, we can't have -that-."

It fell on its belly, bouncing a few times before coming to rest.  Its limbs still swung in an attempt to right itself, the arcs growing more shallow until they stiffened into wide cones.  As her body grew her breasts became wider and flatter, spread across her surface as high domes, and the smoke emanating from her neck had turned puffy and cloud-like.

Nicole yanked off one of its boots before trying the other end of the rope securely around its ankle.  Trailing her hands back down the rope she held the other end, watching as the dullahan's form grew, and grew.  It quickly swelled larger, limbs becoming hemispheres with flapping hands and feet pulled into dimples, before finally being pulled flat.  Slowly lifting off the ground, it finally broke the bonds of gravity, having become little more than a flesh-toned weather balloon with hands, feet, and breasts.

She tugged on the rope, testing its newfound bouyancy as the foot it was tied to wiggled. "That feels about right.  Okay, Lilu.  Cut the helium and bring her over here."

Lilu pulled the hose from the dullahan's mouth, and she let out a gasp, panting for breath.  Hoisting her up by her hair again, he carried her over to Nicole and the basket. "What in Samhain's name-" Her eyes fell upon the rest of her and her jaw dropped. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!  I'LL KILL YOU!  I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU, YOU DEMONIC HARLOTS!"

Nicole rolled her eyes as the dullahan ranted and raved, gesturing to the basket.  Lilu dropped the head in, and she turned towards the manor and shouted, "all clear!"

The gentlemen stepped outside, eyeing the dullahan. "What -is- the cause of your family's predisposition towards..." He gestured to the floating fair folk. "...that?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, but you'd be surprised as to how many supernatural beings are inflatable."

"So what now?  Do you... pop her?"

The dullahan instantly fell silent at the word "pop."  Nicole shook her head. "No, fairies can come back from a lot, that included.  What we need to do..." She let go of the rope, watching the dullahan - basket, head, and all - shoot up into the air. "...is that." She looked back at the gentleman. "Problem solved."

"You're certain?"

"Of course.  Probably about six percent of all debris in low Earth orbit is supernatural in origin." She rubbed her hands together. "Now, about my family's old home..."