Blueberry Draining Hypothesis, The

Hypothesis: Bursting due to blueberry-induced expansion can be prevented by pumping juice out of the body at a greater rate than it is produced.

“[Muffled noise]--Now. Testing, testing. Is the audio clean? [Pause] Good. [Clears throat] This marks the beginning of the audio transcript of Doctor Vanessa Hart, of the FDA, researching the effects of blueberry extract consumption on the adult female body. This experiment in particular, of which I am both the practitioner and subject, marks the one hundred-and-fourteenth so far, and very well may be my last. [Sighs] Preliminary data on my physique, which may be needed, are as follows: I am female, of mixed race, half white and half black, sixty-three inches in height, and one-hundred-and-seventy-six pounds in weight. My chest circumference is thirty-three inches, bust thirty-six, waist thirty inches, and hip fifty-two inches. Most recent test indicates I have a terminal size of approximately twenty-two feet in circumference--or about seven-foot-three inches diameter--or almost two-hundred cubic feet. Based on known data, collected by myself, I should reach terminal size in less than ten minutes after consumption. However, upon insertion of the hydraulic pump, this may be subject to change. One last side note--I am currently not wearing any clothing, so my rate of expansion and sensory input will not be influenced by such. And… I have to say, having so many eyes on me is nerve-wracking… and exhilarating!”

(As final preparations are made for the experiment, Dr. Hart performs various inflation exercises. Similar to previous subjects, she is clearly anxious and impatient to begin. Once preparations are completed, Dr. Hart is handed a 25 mL beaker of store-brand concentrated blueberry extract.)

“Administering blueberry extract in three, two, one… [Drinks] Mark time zero, now! Get that pump ready-- [Gasps] Oh my goodness… The effects are… nearly instantaneous. The, uh, colloquially known effects are all present and… [Moans] Very strong. I feel hot all over, especially in the groin and abdomen. It feels as if I’ve had a bowl of soup. Goosebumps are popping up all over my body now, and I’m already turning blue. I have to admit, it’s quite a thrill to experience! [Groans] Oh jeez, here it comes! The tightness in the stomach before… It begins!”

(At this point, Dr. Hart’s entire body has changed pigmentation to a deep shade of blue. Her belly, though soft and fatty, already shows marked change and growth in size, as does her hips and thighs.)

“Interesting to note is that I’m swelling at an accelerated rate, mainly in the hips, thighs, calves, and lower abdomen. [Moans] Oh my goodness, it feels wonderful! I’m so full and heavy already, but I know that it’s only going to get better! My legs are swelling up with juice… [Giggles] It feels like I’m wearing ankle weights! My buttocks are swelling as well, and it feels… Divine.”

(Laboratory assistants begin inserting the hose for the hydraulic pump into Dr. Hart’s anus. Though blushing intensely, she does not appear in pain. Though already highly aroused, the insertion process, once completed, causes Dr. Hart to abandon all scientific pretensions.)

“[Panting] Yes, yes! Oh my god, yes! Bigger! I want to get bigger! My ass is gigantic, huge! [Moans] I can hardly bend my legs now, they’re so full! Oh god, I must be halfway there already! Bigger! I want to see my belly bigger! I want my ass to fill up the room! Bigger! Bigger!”

(Dr. Hart’s commentary changes little as her body expands. The inseam of her leg shrinks, as expected, with the continued growth of her body.)

“Oh, I’m so full! So tight! [Moans] My skin feels like taffy, it’s so different to regular inflation! So much better! [Gasps] Oh Christ, the floor is so cold! [Pants] Oh god, Oh god… ”

(Though aroused for some time, Dr. Hart now actively attempts to masturbate, though it is now impossible to do so. Like previous subjects, the need for stimulation outweighs basic judgement.)

“C’mon! [Grunts] My arms are getting stiff already! [Pause] Oh, come on! I’m so horny right now! [Moans] So much juice! It’s even leaking from my tits!”

(As Dr. Hart approaches terminal size, laboratory assistants activate the hydraulic pump. Dr. Hart immediately screams, evidently in pleasure.)

“Yes! Yes! [Moans] Harder!”

(Dr. Hart’s commentary changes little as she begins to orgasm, similar to previous experiments. Also similar, large amounts of juice are discharged in the process.)

“Oh my God, I’m fucking cumming! [Moans]”

(Despite the combined gallons of juice being extracted, calculated theoretically to be slightly greater than the influx, Dr. Hart continues to increase in size at the same rate as before. At this point, juice has begun to fill up her lips and, due to the absorption of her neck, clenched her jaw shut. Though the audio transcript continues, Dr. Hart is unable to continue her commentary. Now firmly at terminal size, her thinning skin weakens as growth continues. Soon, stretch marks and small fissures break as juice begins to leak from every pore of her body until, at approximately six feet and eleven inches in diameter, she finally ruptures and bursts.)

Result: FAILURE