Nineteenthly

Xetal

Xetal

 

'Hi Jody, how're you doing?'

I interrupted my doleful perusal of the newspaper racks to glnnce round at Pavel.

'Oh, fine thanks.'

You know how you're not supposed to say you're fine when you're not so the other person doesn't have to get into the whole thing? This was such an occasion.

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Average: 3.8 (10 votes)

Double or Pop

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I'd been so excited when I got the letter to appear on 'Extreme Bad Girls Club', my favourite TV game show. It was basically a general knowledge quiz but with forfeits in each round which were invented anew every episode, so you never knew what it had in store for you. These afternoon broadcasts were a secret vice of mine, but sitting there on the sofa at home I found I could answer every single question correctly. I'd got through the auditions fine and at last I'd been called up to appear live.

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Average: 4.1 (16 votes)

Just Keep Chewing

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Dab-dab-dab-dab-dab!

Dab-dab-dab-dab-dab!

Dab-dab-dab!

Dab-dab!

Dab!

Where’s the brush?  Ah!

Smoothing the make up onto my face, I occasionally wished that I hadn’t had four children and had to do this every morning anyway.  Most mums would probably not bother to make up for the school run, but I had no choice.  I was probably the only parent at the school gates with any slap on at all.

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Average: 2.8 (5 votes)

Bates-Gerson Effect, The

The Bates-Gerson Effect

 

The Gerson-Bates Effect:  Teleportation involves the exchange of equal volumes.

 

Martin Gerson was satisfied with his statement.  Yes, that seemed about right, he thought to himself as he typed the line.  It fitted all the observed data.

 

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Average: 3.7 (9 votes)

Day in the Life of a Popper, A

A Day In The Life of a Popper

 

Before I tell you what I do for a living, I want to say two things about my job.  One is that I'm probably effectively a mass murderer according to most of you.  That's obviously not how I see it and I don't know anyone else in this line of work who does. 

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Average: 3.4 (12 votes)

Birthday Presents

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Birthday Presents

 

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Average: 4 (11 votes)

Mystery of Spontaneous Human Inflation, The

Spontaneous Human Inflation

 

On the crisp, sunny winter morning of 22nd January 2020, Graham Donaldson began his usual daily round of reading water meters in the small town of Wellingboro Connecticut.  His first call was to the well-known “blond bombshell” of the district:  Dr Jane Ingoldsby, admired from afar by many a red-blooded male for over a decade.

 

Spontaneous Human Inflation

 

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Average: 2.2 (6 votes)

Very Serious Case of the Hiccups, A

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When I signed up to study ecology, I had visions of visiting exotic biomes. I daydreamed of swimming through Caribbean reefs and discovering a new species of pufferfish or finding a violet poison dart frog in Amazonia. The reality is that you have to go where the money will take you. So there I was, knee-deep in the effluent from Grimesworth Dye Works in a freezing polluted stream, sifting out the red water mites to take them back to the lab and test them for mutated bacteria. This dominated my life, regardless of the season. I was paying my dues for my PhD.

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Average: 3 (7 votes)

Slow Motion Pop

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It's been fantastic and fascinating.

Before they did anything else, I had to put on the skintight red PVC jumpsuit. It was really snug.

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Average: 3.7 (13 votes)

Stiff Lower Lip

Dougal Macintosh, renowned mesmerist, dashingly swept through the Empire’s second city in his stylish black cape. Since Princess Victoria’s convenient demise, his family’s pneumatics concerns had risen dirigible-like through the smoky vapours of Glaswegian society. One brother devised the Pneumatic Analytical Engine, and the other headed the North British Atmospheric Railway Corporation, whose air-driven carriages vigorously thrust through the tunnels beneath the former Dear Green Place. Yet beneath his dark brocaded waistcoat beat a heart of jet-black dastardliness.

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Average: 3.5 (8 votes)
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